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I just got into an arguement with my dad

Chat Forum Talk about topics not related to MapleStory

shini Level 120 Mardia Mechanic 4
Ok I need to know whether I'm in the wrong or not. Or whether there's something about this situation I don't understand or comprehend. My brother took my dad's side in this with him & my bro saying i was wrong.

Here's the problem;
My dad came to me & wanted me to call my mother because he said he needed cold medicine. He said he wanted me to call my mother and have ME ask her if she can get some for HIM. However, I have a problem with the method that was necessary for this task to be done.

My mom & dad are divorced and they have issues between one other. Yeah ok that's dandy... And because of that. My dad said that when he tries to contact her, she won't answer & she intentionally ignores his contact requests when trying to reach her. It's been like this for 1-2 years. Now, with that in mind.

My dad uses me & my brother to get into contact with my mother for things HE needs. Since she's the only one with income & a car.

Now my problem is just that. If you haven't caught on already, i have a problem with him using me or my brother as a messenger for him. In a sense that if there's something that he needs from my mother, he goes to me for me to go to my mother. Instead of him going to my mother directly himself.

I express my disagreement with this process of him needing me or my brother to contact our mother if HE needs something and that's when hell broke loose. I do indeed somewhat know the issues between my parents with whatever is going on between them is the reason my dad can't contact her directly & personally, however this doesn't justify him having to use me or my brother as a method to contact my mother only because it's a fact that she would ONLY respond to contact requests if it's from everyone else except him.

When i told my dad that you should stop relying on me or my brother to contact our mother & you should just contact her yourself, he & my brother agreed that I was the one being; disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate, in the wrong, spoiled, ungrateful, etc. Like what the hell. So what i got from what him & my brother said is that, I'M IN THE WRONG FOR SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD CONTACT HER YOURSELF INSTEAD OF HAVING TO REPLY ON US TO DO IT FOR HIM. My brother said that; for all the things my dad did for me, can't i do this for him? I mean if this was about me doing a general favor for him then that would be fine. But this situation in particular doesn't fall into that.

Isn't this putting me or my brother in the middle of whatever the issues my parents have between one other?
My dad said it's not. He also said I shouldn't talk about this to my mother & should keep it all between us, when i said im'a have to bring this issue up with my mother about him having to rely on me to contact her when HE needs something from her. Or rather why doesn't she answer calls from him instead of only from us.
Posted: January 2016 Permalink

Replies

kaiser Level 50 Scania Kinesis 2
In this current situation your wrong since he's sick but for everything else that isn't urgent I'd tell your dad to contact her directly.
Jan 14 2016
pashyspirit Level 214 Mardia Corsair
Your dad is certainly in the wrong because he knows that your mother wants nothing to do with him anymore but he's willing to use you and your brother to force his way into her life anyway for his own needs, so he is effectively being inconsiderate towards his ex-wife and sons. While this is not a casual situation since he's sick, he should've came up with a different method long ago to get things he needs from a different source- doesn't he have any buddies who can help him out here? Do you and your brother not have bikes for this?
Jan 14 2016
helpingly Level 214 Bera Buccaneer See what games, anime & art helpingly is intoHelpinglySheriff
+4 In my opinion you are being selfish, but not for the reason that they said.

In this entire scenario you feel as if you are being used and abused, but that isn't even remotely close to what is going on here. It is your job as a son to help out your parents with whatever they need, even if they are being a bit bossy/etc. I don't know what type of family background you come from, but parents, unless they do something that totally crosses the line (your scenario definitely does not) deserve a complete respect from their sons/daughters.

Now to my point. I believe that the real victim in this entire situation is your poor mother. You said it yourself, she is the only one with an income and a viable means of transportation. That being said, I find it repulsive that her ex-husband is demanding her to fetch things for him. If he was still dependent on her, then he should not have gotten a divorce. The only ties that the two should have is when it comes to the handling of you and your brother. Your mother is the true victim here, and yet here you are complaining about a burden that is really a duty.

My advice to you if you really oppose doing it so much is to tell your dad that he should stop pestering his wife for things that he could easily do himself (I'm assuming that he is not seriously ill, just has the flu/cold or something).
Jan 14 2016
shini Level 120 Mardia Mechanic 4
@kaiser: Yeah ok. I still disagree, but i could see your perspective. This particular situation isn't that urgent. I mean i did actually contact my mother this one last time for him & it turned out she couldn't even do the task he needed to be done. So even then...

@pashyspirit: HA! Thank you! Exactly! I knew it. And i agree. Just because he's having issues with my mother to where she avoids contacting him DOESN'T justify him having to resort to using me or my brother to get into contact with her for things HE needs from HER. Also, we don't have bikes. Also, if we did. It's waaay to cold to travel to the store to get him cold medicine. I mean, I'd buy him some medicine with my own money.

He does have some other people to do it, but they're unavailable apparently. Like i said, I'd do it for him if he came to me saving could i get cold medicine if i had the means to travel to the store in this weather. I only have a huge issue with him having me or my brother to contact our mother for something HE wants/needs from her.

What made this situation worse & me more upset is him bringing my mental illness into all of this. I do have bipolar disorder, but that absolutely had nothing to do with me being upset for him relying on me to be the middle man for him & my mother. This is NOT the first time he wanted me or my brother to contact our mother for things he needed from HER.
This is why the argument happened.
Jan 14 2016
voidwreck Level 136 Windia Aran 4
You said that your mom never answers his calls and ignores him when he tries to contact her. In that case, what else is he supposed to do? His only other option is to ask his children to deliver the message for him. Perhaps you can try to talk to your mom and tell her to stop ignoring your dads calls, especially if it's something urgent.
Jan 14 2016
shini Level 120 Mardia Mechanic 4
@helpingly Huh i think you misunderstood.
I never even so much as thought as i was being used or abused or tossed around or taken advantage of. Neither of them are being bossy either.
The prbolem i have with my father is that... for the past 1-2 years, he relied on me having to contact my mother FOR HIM for something HE needs.
Because due to whatever issues my parents are going through, my mother refuse to answer any of my father's calls or contact requests when he tries to reach out to my mother.

Btw... my mother is the one who divorced my dad. I thought that would of been obvious due to the context of the thread.

Again, if he came to me for his request & told me to try to handle it by my own means, like me fetching him some medicine. THAT's NOT THe ISSUE. I don't necessairly have a problem with that.
The problem is him, coming to me, for me to go to my mother & talk to my mother about things my dad needed. Because my mother is avoiding my father apparently.
My mom refuses to come home because my dad is here. Which is why she's not here.

@voidwreck: This is exactly What I'm going to do. I even texted my mom about this & she said she'd talk to me tomorrow.
Jan 14 2016
blackwingblade Level 167 Bera Blade Recruit
You could have a talk with your mom and tell her the situation but also ask her to not bring it up with your dad because it will formulate more problems. I mean you are her son so you should be able to talk to her about anything.

Your whole story kinda frustrates me because no matter how I look at it your dad is in the wrong, simply because he is using you in a negative manner. Even if he's done so much for you he could at least ask you for a favor that doesn't make you feel guilty. You could do it for him this time and then after, tell him how you feel about him asking you to ask your mom to the get medicine.
Jan 14 2016
distantsky Level 205 Khaini Marksman See what games, anime & art distantsky is intoDistantSky
Here OP, let me just put it in a short, concise way.

Your brother is a cuck who probably defends the mass sexual harassment incident in cologne
Your Dad is a parasitic social leech who doesn't have enough shame to ask you for his gains

There you have it. Tell your brother that his gf is currently getting packed with protein from Chad and tell your Father to get a f.c.k.i.n.g job. Problem solved
Jan 14 2016
fradddd Level 170 Windia Hero
Why do people even stay in this much contact after divorcing? Why do they associate?
Jan 14 2016
windowlegs Level 142 Kradia Buccaneer
this would never happen if you just played maplestory!!!

everyone knows by now that when you are gaming you never take your headset off! no matter what is going on around you, you always put gaming first. once you take of the headset your life will go to hell and arguments will occur 24/7.

Keep the headset on and the maplestory background music blasting!
Jan 14 2016

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