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shini Level 120 Mardia Mechanic 4
I keep forgetting that people online, especially in MMORPG communities like MapleStory are real life human beings behind a screen. Whenever i see a picture of someone from a game or game-forum. It feels like ice cold water has been splashed in my face. And for a few seconds... It makes me see things from a whole new perspective. Though it doesn't last long.

I'm a completely different person online versus how I am in real life. I'm no where near as open and talkative online then i am in real life.

If you guys don't know, I'm not use to human contact. When I was in my early-mid teens. I use to go MONTHS without leaving the house. I'd literally spend 24/7 playing on the computer. I've never even went to high school. That's how much captivity & restriction when it came to living life I had to endure as a minor. And as I go older I've only barely been trying to move away from that lifestyle. It severely damaged my social & verbal communication skills. And how I function with other human beings. I have a feeling that my parents forcing me to have that kind of lifestyle growing may have been illegal. But it's irrelevant now since I'm over 18+

For example, I absolutely would not be physically capable of repeating everything, word by word I typed in this thread by mouth, fluently. I stutter or rather would stumble on my words often & don't know how i could produce articulate speech right on the spot. I very often run into issues of not knowing what to say, how to say it what word format I should use... I feel VERY autistic because of this.

Aside from that, When I saw cryleonl/wall's real life face for the first time, or just earlier when he made a video about that stormgrowth potion error thingy, I was like; huh... Wow.
And even along with seeing many of you in that real life pictures thread. Whenever I browse threads like that, my brain flips perspectives on what's real life and what's not & it sometimes gives me headaches.

Also when I see some pictures of you guys on here from that picture thread... Well more-so you females on here- Especially the Asians ones... I never would of thought people who looked like what some of you look like would play games like MapleStory. Or any mmorpg.

No offense but some of you Asian girls on here look like you could be in xxx-rated adult movies. It also was a slap in the face when i found out most of you were Asian period. I've been playing MapleStory since 2005 & I didn't even find out that the term "azn" actually meant Asian until like around 2013.

I never considered the internet real life. I mean; real real life. I think of it as more of a fantasy world so to speak. It's just how I am. So with that I believed anything goes when it comes to the internet. And that simply the internet =/= Real life. Even when it comes to people and interacting with other human beings.
It brings out the side of someone that you'd never witness a day in your life in real life.

Other thing is... If I ever were to see some of you in real life. I'd never would bother to approach you. I'd probably avoid some of you too. I'm sorry but, I'm more or less the kind of person who would only approach someone depending on their physical appearance & how they dress/present themselves.
The fact that i know some of you are into things like anime/mmorpgs/video games that's not call of duty, halo, etc. I mean i don't know. That would change everything.

Basically what I'm trying to say is; things would be completely different if I were to meet most of you in real life first with me seeing how you look & not from sites like these versus me meeting you on websites like these & taking the communication to real life & me seeing the real you. Such as how you look. I associate physical appearance with how you are on the inside. I know you're probably not suppose to do this but i can't help it.

When i think about all of this. I feel like a complete weirdo/creep or simply an alien for some reason. I've been living in a cave or rather under a rock for so long that I lost in touch with reality. And that shapes my personality & perspective online & in real life. Not sure if me being mentally ill has anything to do with this so... Yeah.

Wanted to add; because of all of this. This is the reason why I have yet to upload a real life pic of me on here or on any forum as of yet. Only places on the internet I uploaded real life pictures of me publicly were on dating sites.
Posted: November 2015 Permalink

Replies

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killeem Level 158 Reboot Aran 4
less typing abt how u need 2 do

more typing of u telling us u've been improving n tryin

ill b waitin on ur "just f***** 4 bad b***** today" thread, GL
Nov 14 2015
shini Level 120 Mardia Mechanic 4
@juxos: Well that was rude. I've actually never ever ever been called 'ugly' a day in my life by other female. That's a record I'd like to keep on-going. Not trying to sound stuck-up. Many girls in real life or whom I shared my photos to in 1on1 conversation online actually rate me a 7/10, or an 8/10. A older female in college just about a month ago said she rated me an 8/10 when i asked her how do i look. Or what would you rate me. I always ask people to please be honest & don't hold back even if it may sound a bit insensitive.

The reason I be self-conscious about uploading photos of me on sites like these other than dating sites, is because. You guys would associate my photo with me. Like you'd finally see the real me. It would change everything. I can't be the only one on basil when once i see someones real life photo, I'd NEVER see nor maybe treat them the same way ever ever again. This has been the case with the people whom i talked to on Skype.

The reason I don't leave my house often is because I literally have no where to go. Aside from attending religious meetings, going to college, and soon going to work.

On a side note, it's not cool to just go around saying whatever btw. I actually took a tiny little bit offense to that. I was already nervous on what kind of responses I'd get from a thread like this. When you make long ass threads, that talks about your personal life you could only imagine. For all you know I could be going through something in real life and that tiny little message could of been all it took to bring me down. It may not of seem like a big deal to you, that's because you're probably thinking it was funny or silly to just post something like that.

@sirkibblex2: See. I feel the same way. Since you can remain anonymous, you could simply do whatever. Without no consequence. Whether it be intentional or not. I tend to make lots of mistakes when simply being myself.
I'm not insecure about my physical appearance. I be pretty confident too, especially on those dating sites. Haha.
I figured once someone saw the real me, I'm going to HAVE to start acting or presenting myself a certain way. And i can't go back to how things would use to be.

I mean one of these days... I had thoughts of uploading a pic of me on here since... I wanted to know what Asian girls think of a guy like me. Or rather if they're into guys who are my ethnicity. But that's a thread for other day. lol.
Nov 14 2015
ilikeanime Level 80 Scania Chief Bandit
You're a real sensitive person.
Nov 14 2015
benchpresser Level 184 Bera Dark Knight
You have social anxiety disorder, Basil ain't gonna help you, you should go seek professional help.
Nov 15 2015
thewolf Level 115 Scania Ranger
Have you watched "Tomorrowland" it would be pretty amazing if all the dreamers, geniuses, artist, builder,etc in the world came together to do anything their mind can come up with. A utopia of sorts.

It is in the realm of possibility. But there are bad people in the world, people filled with greed, hate, etc. That don't care for progress and may be probably why life kinda stinks.

Also, lots of things in this world is imitation, and not much of innovation in most places. An example is the suburbs, where houses and streets appear so similar almost identical. Even the people act the same. Not much innovation there. Probably it has something to do with accessibility. Accessibility is pretty hard to obtain, if say, there are millions of people that want to be house designer, but in the end only 1% or less become actual house designers. Things is 1% of 1% actually become rich and than dictate the housing design for a whole city, or even a the whole county. I mean, if the millions of people actually become house designers and building, had all the resources upfront and got to build freely. Building across the world would be awesome. Each city would be visually unique. There would be castles, huts, glass structures, bunkers, home and building of all sorts literally next door. No need to travel hundred of miles to visit a place. Maybe thats why people go to disneyland, to explore and re-explore the wonders of creativity and a world of utopia.
Nov 15 2015
nindow Level 179 Scania Dark Knight
i never bother uploading any picture of myself online. the only times i have a picture online is when a friend tags me in a group picture.
Nov 15 2015
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