My aunt called me ugly
Do you care abt the apearance of a peron? For me, I don't. I don't judge people based on their appearance; I know many of you know this, but people still make the same mistakes. In a dinner with my aunts and cousins, one of my aunts called me ugly and sneered. Before she mocked me, she was joyfully bragging about how handsome her son(my cousin) was and how her son's face had changed so much over a period of 2 years. After that, she just said that I still have the same ugly face; my cousins laughed too. I didn't say anything back, I just pretended to be careless and smiled. I didn't wanna break the relationship between me and my cousins, since afterall they're my aunts' children. If I had had a chance to make a different choice, I'd have done the same thing.
I've been trying to give myself excuses to erase that incident from my memory, but it's easier to be said than done. Similar incident has happened in the past with my other aunt's husband, and that one was more serious bcuz my family heard what he said. At that time, I had buck teeth. That one rly lowered my self-esteem back then, and my mom had told me to not mind what he said.
However, I don't want them to look down on me, I wanna show them what i'm capable of. They've always thought of me as a coward�' weakling, and bragger.
First of all, I need to get all the pimples out of my face and grow taller. Then I need to stop the habit of procrastinating homeworks/classworks/projects.
All suggestions are welcome.
Am i caring too much about others' feelings that I forget about my own?
Another similar incident: The other tenant of the house i rented in keep coming to my room for printing. I rly wanna tell him to go to the library instead, but I find it hard to say "no." In addition, He still owns me 10 dollars from 4 months ago; I think he pretends to forget about it since he never forget to collect the house's internet fees from all the tenants for the landlord.
47 Comments • Newest first
Muhahahahahhaa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CIyA4tv-Em8#!
it doesnt matter ur aunt prolly just wants to brag
[quote=gunblade72]The more I read this thread the more I can't take it seriously.[/quote]
Everything I said was true.
The more I read this thread the more I can't take it seriously.
[quote=Irony]Normally I'd say no but in this situation I would actually like a legit photo of your cousins to see your aunts definition of good looking,
perhaps to help you more
OT I havent been called ugly quite the opposite[/quote]
The problem is my female cousin's dad is scary. He dresses and talks like a mafia boss. He also insulted me in front of my family when I was in 6th grade.
Normally I'd say no but in this situation I would actually like a legit photo of your cousins to see your aunts definition of good looking,
perhaps to help you more
OT I havent been called ugly quite the opposite
@DaVioLinisT:
Yes you should, and one of yourself
[quote=gunblade72]Just don't let them know you play MapleStory unless you also want to be the biggest loser in your family.[/quote]
Lol, I quitted Maplestory.
Just don't let them know you play MapleStory unless you also want to be the biggest loser in your family.
[quote=DaVioLinisT]Should I take a hostile attitude toward her from now on? She underestimates my ability, I wanna show her what I am capable of by mocking her indirectly whenever I get the chance. If she mocks me in family dinner again, I will pound the table and tell her how self-centered and bratty she is.[/quote]
You could...personally I wouldn't let it get to me. You have to change yourself before you can make an impression on others. Take out the distractions in your life and focus on getting things done on time or before. Do things for yourself, if you don't appreciate yourself then that's the worst. You got no self esteem by going that route. You can either tell her off to make yourself feel better or actually change yourself so she feels stupid in the future.
And wash your goddamn face at least 3 times a day, come on man...
[quote=jotaku]I can relate to how you're feeling, because that's the kind of treatment I received from my aunt when I was younger as well. Even though it's been around 10 years, I distinctly remember a situation similar to yours, when my aunt pulled out a younger photo of my cousin, asking me if she was pretty. I answered her truthfully by saying she looked 'ok', to which my aunt said "thats only because ugly people (i.e. me) don't know how to tell whos pretty and whos not", and I responded the same way you did to your aunt. This also happened in front of my entire family, and no one stood up for me. There were also countless times when she would call me fat, a tomboy (no disrespect to tomboys out there) and other things, which to this day I haven't forgotten. Anyway, there are a few things I want to say...
1) To answer your initial question, appearances matter, but it's not everything. Things like acne on another person is hard not to notice, but it doesn't affect my behaviour towards them. It's hard to avoid judging others based on their appearance because I'm only human, but I try my best not to act on those judgements and treat people differently. I admit, I have friends who I don't think are attractive at all, but they are great people and that's all I really care about.
Although, as a previous poster said, there is a difference between 'ugly' people, and those that don't try at all. Being around people who present themselves in a very untidy manner, don't bother with hygiene etc. is kinda hard to stand.
2) Although you've said you want to forget the incident, an alternate, and possibly beneficial way of approaching the situation is by taking how you feel when your aunt insults you, and using it as fuel to better yourself. By trying to 'erase' the memory of what happened, you're essentially repressing your feelings. I know we all work in different ways, but if you're like me, everything comes back in one huge lump and ends up being much harder to deal with.
Also, you say that having acne bothers you, but you aren't committing yourself to making an effort to clear it, even though you acknowledge a possible solution to clearing it is by washing your face. I don't know if it's because you're lazy or cant be bothered, but clearing acne does take a constant effort. While it can be time consuming at times, would you rather continue to cop your aunt's bs, or just spend ~10 minutes of your day looking after yourself? There isn't much point in complaining about wanting change, but not actively doing anything about it. So.. I guess my point is, if you really want to change, its up to you to make the effort.
Anyway, naturally, once you build your own self confidence/self esteem up and [i]believe[/i] you aren't ugly, standing up to and not being bothered by others when they insult your appearance becomes easier.
3)
Yeah, by taking a hostile attitude you're letting her know you're not happy with the way she treats you and you're not letting them treat you as a doormat. What your aunt said/did was extremely rude, and if she's not willing to respect you or treat you nicely, why should you? But just one thing... you've stated before you don't want to upset your relationship with your cousins, so pounding the dinner table to get your point across may not be the best choice haha. Try adopting a passive-aggressive approach to the situation - it'll allow her to take a hint, whilst (hopefully) not affecting your cousins. But to be honest, I don't understand why you would want to maintain your relationship with them, if they're also laughing along with your aunt when she insults you. It kinda goes to show they don't care for your feelings when you're being called ugly/whatever else.
(Sorry for the lengthy post!)[/quote]
No, not at all. I am grateful for your comment. It's nice to see someone with similar experience as me.
Should I post my cousins' pictures that [quote=shosen123] requested?
@DaVioLinisT: Weren't they laughing at you? if so who cares
[quote=shosen123]Pics of OP and his cousin needed[/quote]
People call my male cousin "handsome" and my female cousin "pretty and cute." For my male cousin, I only have his backhead picture.
Is it ethical to post their picture onto this site without their permission?
Pics of OP and his cousin needed
Talk back lol
[quote=Joaquinkun]This is a little painful to read. Your aunt is a female dog, and you would do much better if yuo stop having that mcuh contact with her. If you can't because it's your aunt, just ignore her or have your mom talk with her. She isn't a real family if she doesn't care for you.
And stop sounding pityful that just makes things worse. Raise you self steem man.[/quote]
Should I take a hostile attitude toward her from now on? She underestimates my ability, I wanna show her what I am capable of by mocking her indirectly whenever I get the chance. If she mocks me in family dinner again, I will pound the table and tell her how self-centered and bratty she is.
[quote=mrsinna]Rip into her (you Aunt verbally) or bash your cousins. Would be pretty fun IMO.
Although I can't really say much I have an awesome extended family.[/quote]
I accused her son of using me as like a fool in the summer. Everytime I invited him to dinner, he'd say "I don't have money." On a Chinese twitter like social media, he talked to my other cousin about spending all of my money.
i used to get teased for my looks too. i just started to clear my face, and found the magic of makeup.
i still get comments that i'm ugly every now and then, but like idc whatevs their problem.
i did my best to make my face look appealing to at least my eyes, not everyones.
weoooo
Tell your aunt she can shove it
[quote=DaVioLinisT]This is him, http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=eqp6rt&s=6[/quote]
Can't really see his face, but he looks like every other Asian...
Personally, if I had your situation, I would have worked up my courage and say "yeah I'm ugly, but hey! it'll get better right?" with a big grin and stuff like whatever your aunt said didn't bother you. I feel like your aunt knows she can "bully" you whatever chance she has and I think thats bullcrap from a family member (I have such a high respect for your mom, saying not to mind your aunt. Seems like she loves you as you are <3).
So on top of your washing your face, growing tall, getting good marks, I think you should also work on your attitude, self-esteem. Like you said they always viewed you as a coward; sure.. developing muscles and clearing your face shows that youre not as weak as you are, but I'm sure deep down, they could pick out the low self-esteem you have and nit-pick on something else about you.
I guess that's where the part "its the inner beauty that counts" comes in, show off YOUR fun and enjoyable personality as well. I hope things will go better and honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't take your aunt's comment so seriously. She's probably a bratty aunt and since she's low enough to judge you for your appearance, she can't be a good person overall. Stand up to yourself, be proud of who you are, and good luck~
[quote=EinAlwaysThere]Work out , get enough rest , dress well , study hard and make nice friends , pay attention to the study hard part , cause in ten years time you are going to have a well paid job and everyone in your family will feel proud to have you as one and if you really feel like it show off yor cash and muscles and stuff (that you can have if you work hard) and than your aut will be the one at the bad end , than she will feel what you have felt , or you could just go over and beat her up , just saiyan[/quote]
Exactly wut i'm thinking! Her children are super smart though, they always get the first place on school exams. Nonetheless, i'm not gonna use that as my excuse to evade my responsibility. I'm going to work rly rly rly hard to earn myself a bright future and prove to people look down on me that they bark the wrong tree. My goal is far beyond on getting on revenge on these worthless people, my role is to become the world's top influencial leader.
bump
[quote=spring786]Just treat her exactly the same, and is your cousin as "hot" as your aunt says he is? And is this the first time somebody called you ugly?[/quote]
This is him, http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=eqp6rt&s=6
[quote=skittlesmoo]Depends. A lot of the time once I know someone they become more beautiful to me.
You should confront her though, what she said isn't ok.[/quote]
She is 40+ yrs old, and my mother's sister. Yet, she said that gto me; she and her children and everyone there who had laughed will pay for it.
[quote=DaVioLinisT]You guys are right, I need to stand up for myself. One day, I will get revenge on them and make them suffer the pains of hell. Until then, I will continue to disguise myself as a weakling. I can't wait till the day when I backstab them and watch their surprised faces.[/quote]
o my gawd.
[quote=2PermbanFiasco]The truth hurts?[/quote]
never blindly accept what opponents falsely say.
[quote=gunblade72]B**ch if you compare my face to your son's one more time, I'm gonna smash his face in.[/quote]
You guys are right, I need to stand up for myself. One day, I will get revenge on them and make them suffer the pains of hell. Until then, I will continue to disguise myself as a weakling. I can't wait till the day when I backstab them and watch their surprised faces.
B**ch if you compare my face to your son's one more time, I'm gonna smash his face in.
[quote=BlackDragon10]Remember guys " inner beauty is what counts" is an excuse ugly people use to make them feel good about themselves[/quote]
Says the probably ugly and self conscious teen that covers up his own insecurities by telling others that personality won't matter.
bump.
[quote=trashed]Not gonna lie, when I first entered the thread I didn't read the whole post, I just skimmed through. But this is actually sad.
Say something to her about how it embarrassed you. She's your aunt and she should be understanding of your feelings. If she doesn't apologize then just treat her the same way, and who cares about keeping a relationship with your cousins because that's probably enough to assume that they're just as arrogant as she is.
If she doesn't apologize (or even acknowledge the fact that she was rude to you)... make a snide remark right back.[/quote]
Yea. I've been trying to give myself excuses to erase that incident from my memory, but it's easier to be said than done. Similar incident has happened in the past with my other aunt's husband, and that one was more serious bcuz my family heard what he said. At that time, I had buck teeth. That one rly lowered my self-esteem back then, and my mom had told me to not mind what he said.
Not gonna lie, when I first entered the thread I didn't read the whole post, I just skimmed through. But this is actually sad.
Say something to her about how it embarrassed you. She's your aunt and she should be understanding of your feelings. If she doesn't apologize then just treat her the same way, and who cares about keeping a relationship with your cousins because that's probably enough to assume that they're just as arrogant as she is.
If she doesn't apologize (or even acknowledge the fact that she was rude to you)... make a snide remark right back.
[quote=BlackDragon10]Remember guys " inner beauty is what counts" is an excuse ugly people use to make them feel good about themselves[/quote]
It's sort of like when fat chicks call themselves curvy.
You should have called her an old b*tch in private.
[quote=Sirenize]the way you handled the situation with your aunt doesn't help
not like anyone in my family would ever tell me something like that because i have an actual caring family, but if they did, i would snap and tell them off right at that moment, you shouldn't take that crap from anyone. seriously though, stand up for yourself. you had a chance to show that you weren't some weakling pushover and you blew it.[/quote]
I didn't wanna hurt me and my cousins' relationship. I have many aunts, nd that one is the only one that has showed a disliking of me.
@DaVioLinisT wash your face
[quote=trashed]I wasn't talking about "not trying" in a work sense, I meant with physical appearance.
Un-productiveness / procrastination is a whole other thing.[/quote]
Yea, I know. I rarely wash my face, that's why my skin look like tree barks and my face is reddish and full of pimples.
[quote=DaVioLinisT]I agree, nd I'm exactly the type of person you're tlking abt. I wanna change and let those people who have offended me in the past to see the real me. The biggest problem I have right now are lack of perseverance and extreme procrastination. Like, I don't start my homework until the midnight before the day the HW is due. HELP :'( [/quote]
I wasn't talking about "not trying" in a work sense, I meant with physical appearance.
Un-productiveness / procrastination is a whole other thing.
[quote=trashed]Appearances are very important.
I'm not even saying people who are 'ugly', but for those people that really don't try.
If you're unhygienic, if you don't try and keep yourself fit, if you don't take care of your hair/skin, if you don't wash your clothes, if you don't take the time to make yourself [i]look nice[/i] then why would I waste my time in getting to know you. If you don't even care about yourself, why would you care about anyone else.[/quote]
I agree, nd I'm exactly the type of person you're tlking abt. I wanna change and let those people who have offended me in the past to see the real me. The biggest problem I have right now are lack of perseverance and extreme procrastination. Like, I don't start my homework until the midnight before the day the HW is due. HELP :'(
Appearances are very important.
I'm not even saying people who are 'ugly', but for those people that really don't try.
If you're unhygienic, if you don't try and keep yourself fit, if you don't take care of your hair/skin, if you don't wash your clothes, if you don't take the time to make yourself [i]look nice[/i] then why would I waste my time in getting to know you. If you don't even care about yourself, why would you care about anyone else.
Haha my mother calls me ugly all of the time, I am sure they are just talking to themselves and wondering about you kids' future.
Generally, don't mind her and looks don't really matter too much as long as you have a good personality.
[quote=Igneel]I understand , You don't have to confront her , Just privately tell her not to mock you again because you feel embarrassed , I'm sure she'll understand[/quote]
Before she mocked me, she was joyfully bragging about how handsome her son(my cousin) is and how her son's face has changed so much over a period of 2 years. AFter that, she just said that I still have the same ugly face.
u give to much about them even though they dont care for u just dump em or tell the truth
I do. After 5 minutes with them, I could fully judge how he or she is.
An ugly person has to carry certain inadequacies caused by less social contact by those repulsed. This inclination can be completely reversed if he/she carries a great personality, but cynicism is common amongst the ugly.
[quote=Igneel]http://www.bodybuilding.com
http://www.squidoo.com/best-way-to-get-rid-of-a-pimple-fast
About procrastinating homeworks etc...Take a small notebook with you and write all your daily homeworks etc... on it , it really works , And do not allow anyone to mock you[/quote]
But if i had had mocked my aunt, her children might have either mocked me back or fought me. I don't wanna lose my cousins even though they laughed too.
Wash your face vigorously w. a soapy towel while in the shower, rinse repeat, blood and pus will be on the towel and you don't want to wipe that into your face, RINSE, REPEAT.
It doesnt matter how tall you are, unless you are very short.
I'm very open-minded; I let them know everything kekekekeke.
Also my aunt....nevermind. Let's just say she's disgusting.