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Relationship Advice

Chat Forum Talk about topics not related to MapleStory

-sigh-, so usually I guess I'm considered a "troll", but I just want to make one serious thread for once in my life. This is going to be very long, so I will add a TL;DR at the end for you lazy guys...

Anyways, I met this girl 4 months ago on basilmarket. For security purposes, we'll refer to her as "Mary". She bought like this piece of junk 50k item for some reason LOL, but we had a great convo and i somehow ended up in her guild... A few weeks later, we started to get more and more closer, to the point where we were pming each other on basil every day and going on in game just to chat. I really enjoyed her, as a friend, and I know that feeling was mutual. One day, she wanted me to add her on skype, and I did and we started talking on Skype, everyday. That eventually led to texting each other everyday to be combined in that mix... And idk, I felt this profound change as we got closer and closer, that I was actually getting to like her more than just as a friend. She had an EXTREMELY terrible experience with her ex that really did negatively impact her life, which was why I was hesitant to try and get in a LD relationship with her, but I mean we connected so quickly. This all happened within 1-2 months... As we approached our 3rd month of knowing each other, I started to hint at things, and I don't think she picked up on them LOL, but on exactly our 3 month anniversary of knowing each other, at 5 am, she said "yes" to me when I asked her the question of getting into a relationship. So yay, all is happy and good. However, she told me that she couldn't promise anything and that she couldn't commit herself 100% to it (Considering her past experience with her ex).

So things go really smoothly through the 1st 3 weeks, we skype, we text, we phone call, we do cheesy stuff, etc... and like nothing really changed between our transition between friends and in a relationship, we still talked like best friends, which is how couples are supposed to talk like, right? And then 2 days ago, we have this great convo and since I live in EST and she lives in PST (3 hour time difference), I sleep well before she does. So it's about midnight where I am, and I'm asleep. I wake up the next morning really early for some reason (like at 7 am) and to my surprise I have texts from Mary saying "What do you prefer, gratitude or love?" and another text that says "Do you prefer relationships in the present or the future?". And like I thought this was like an essay question for her SAT class or something, so i answered truthfully with "love and the future". To my surprise, she was still awake (it was 4 am there since it was 7 am where I was), and answered my text right away.. She then talks about what happened to her while I was sleeping, and how she has become Enlightened and realized that she has no direction in life or something... She said that she can't commit herself to this relationship because she can't even take care of herself or something... And that it was best if we split up, in a sense. I believe I'm an extremely understanding guy, and so after i had my physical at the hospital (at around 8 am my time), I called her, and I guess we just talked... I could hear the pain in her voice and even I had tears swelling up. I mean what a crappy morning, 1st my balls get groped by a 60 year old woman doctor at the hospital (part of physical check-up), now my gf wants to break up with me... And it wasn't like our relationship had problems, it was simply because she thought that she couldn't commit herself to it and that she wasn't "ready". In other words, my own fricken girlfriend friendzoned me... Like wth.... But because I cared about her, I let her go. Even though i didn't want to, I didn't want to force her into something that she didn't want to get into, so i guess we "mutually broke up" (as she calls it)... I just wanted to do what was best for her, and being in a relationship with her wasn't what was best.

At that point, I was sad, but not sad enough to show it physically. I was just slightly disappointed i guess... I mean like wtf, how is that fair to me, we were doing so well, and then in a matter of hours we go from happy couple to single. Like what kind of crap is that? And now, I am lost... I talked with her yesterday night, and she told me that she didn't like me in a way that made us a couple anymore. Apparently she was actually confused with her feelings when she said "yes" to me the one night when I asked her to be in a relationship with me... And like when I asked her if she was happy with me when we were together, she said yes. Like wtf, if you're happy with someone, why break it up like this? But then again, of course I see her point of view, and I just can't think about myself, and how hard it is for her at home, with pressuring parents/grandparents and all the arguments that she gets with them. I understand that, but to do me like she did, GAHHH it was inconsiderate, but understandable I guess. She wants me to go back to the way we used to be, just as friends, but like everyone knows that once you go deep, it's bloody difficult to just take a step back and be "friends" again... What makes it worse is that she told me if I wanted to walk away from her, she'd be fine with that... But I bloody well know that it would just hurt her more, cause I know she does care about me, and I do care about her.

So my question is, what should i do? Should I stay by her side and wait for the day that she is "ready" for a relationship? Should I just walk away and never talk to her again? Should I at least try to be "friends" with her (as gay as that sounds)? Cause right now I still have the feelings for her, I mean things changed so fricken suddenly, and it upsets me that it did. Yes I do realize we've known each other for such a little amount of time, but imo it just shows how quickly we bonded... Like most of my best friends I've known for 5-6 years, and her as one my closest best friends I've known her for 4 months... -sigh- I'm lost, and I know some of you guys have vast amounts of experience with relationships, so i hope at least you hear me out on this. Sorry if i sound like a fool or an immature kid, but this is how i feel.

TL;DR: I was in a relationship with a girl, we were happy, one night we went to bed happy, hours later she wants to break up with me because she needs to find a direction in life, I agree because I understand her, now I don't know what to do with her, should I stay by her side as a friend, or just leave, or do something else?

Edit: This relationship started well after we both quit maplestory. Just fyi lol, this ain't no cheesy maple relationship thingy
Posted: July 2013 Permalink


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Jrosen Level 128 Mardia Blade Master
Jul 30 2013

Cheers fgt
Jul 30 2013
SlashNStab Level 224 Scania Dark Knight
L o l smiley face L o l smiley face
Jul 30 2013
LLLed Level 200 Bera Shadower
wait you guys have never met?
Jul 30 2013
wait you guys have never met?[/quote]

We live 2000 miles apart LOL, but i was planning to during winter break. We have facetimed before and all that crap doh
Jul 30 2013
Ipodninja Level 193 Khaini Wind Archer 4
Don't love. Love is -ing. Don't love and + so you can have more money for nx.
Jul 30 2013
this is what you called a "fling". just a nice distraction from your daily routine, but when the seriousness kicked in (long distance relationship) and the reality behind it (long distance relationship is NOT easy) she backed out. for what reason we do not know, I can only speculate that she prefers having someone closer to her where she can physically cuddle/interact versus someone she "connects" online 2000 miles away from her.

P.S. its almost like dating/chatting online. it feels like were reading a book without end and everyday it's a new chapter. then we eventually feel that this book is only a fantasy and we must wake back up from reality. only a selected handful of people actually last long enough to be in a real relationship via long distance, most would be to distracted by exterior factors.
Jul 30 2013
this is what you called a "fling". just a nice distraction from your daily routine, but when the seriousness kicked in (long distance relationship) and the reality behind it (long distance relationship is NOT easy) she backed out. for what reason we do not know, I can only speculate that she prefers having someone closer to her where she can physically cuddle/interact versus someone she "connects" online 2000 miles away from her.[/quote]

Distance was never the issue, i can promise you that wasn't the problem.
Jul 30 2013
wow i read all that, tbh just move on - because its going to get really hard if she meets someone else. Youre just gonna think that u wasted ur life trying to go after something that isnt there and she will b confused as to why ur hurt and its drama just waiting to happen. I kno it isnt easy but since yall havent been together that long and u havent really seen eachother to make memories itll b a lot easier. sorry about this, but it was long distance so ofc there would b problems. I think that she always saw u as friend but didnt kno how to tell u that, and when u asked her out she probably was just trying to like u but is probably still rapped up in her old relationship and probably wanted to just stop this from the start before ur feelings got any deeper. sounds hurtful and it probably really is, but its most likely the truth. she wont b ready, ever. Sorry to be so harsh - i tend to tell the truth - GL
Jul 30 2013
Distance was never the issue, i can promise you that wasn't the problem.[/quote]

here is a hypothetical situation for you. Mcdonald is good. In the past you have visited a Mcdonald 30 miles away from you that you know is 99% GREAT; although, there is a McDonald down the street from you. One day you're hungry and craving Mcdonald. Would you drive 30 miles to the Mcdonald you know is GREAT or would you settle for the Mcdonald that is good just around the corner?

there are millions of males/females all around. if one doesn't work out now...another will. f3
Jul 30 2013
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