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Should I be unsatisfied with how my life is currently?

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nightshade Level 53 Bera Assassin
Hey basilers,

I just wanted to get this off my chest. Let it out somewhere. Because, to be honest, it doesn't feel good keeping this inside without anyone to say this to.

To clear a couple things up, no I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't even think about that. Second thing: I am not a loser who has no friends and gets bullied and all that. I have so many friends. I just hate how things are for me. Here's how it is.

And just some background information, for visualizing and background purposes, I'm white and all these girls that I like that you'll hear about are white as well.

Right now I'm in high school. For the last couple of years, I for some reason have envied those who enjoy the popular life. I hate using the word 'popular', but I don't know what else to say. Every day I get jealous when I see the same group of guys getting all the attention from these girls, when I see one guy in particular walking down the halls or somewhere with a different girl trying to talk to him. I know that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't care, however I can't seem to stop it. Girls just aren't attracted to me and I hate it. You know what? I actually do talk to some girls, a lot of them. Even some who are popular themselves, but I know for a fact they would never date me. I see these guys and these girls and it might be wrong of me but I snoop on their social medias and I learn so many things that discourage me. I see them hanging out with each other, at each other's houses, going to the beach where practically all of them are there, laughing, smiling, etc. It makes me angry. I've only been to the house of a friend from school once, and it was only for an hour and a half or two hours and it was just me and him, no one else. Me and him just sitting on our phones. I only have like 30 or 40 contacts of friends from school. Every time I see someone else's contact list (happens randomly like when they show me something on their phone or something) it's absolutely filled. I see like 30 or 40 in the contacts beginning with A section alone. I saw a friend's text message conversations and he had at least 15 going on in the last hour. I hardly ever receive texts from anyone. If I want to text a friend, I have to text them myself to start some kind of conversation and then it lasts 2-3 texts and then it stops. I then have to find someone else to talk to maybe 6-8 days later. Put that on repeat. There's a girl at my school that guys from different schools all over the city are going after. The main goal of all guys at my school is to be with her pretty much. And that's another thing about those so many other guys at my school and in my grade. They all know a whole bunch of people from other schools, and hang out with them and all that. I know only a few from other schools and that's ONLY because I went to middle school with them. That's my social life.

The worst thing of all is school dances, homecoming, prom, all that. Whenever it comes to the time to ask out your date to homecoming or prom, I never ask anyone because all girls that I'm interested in are of the "populars" and I know wouldn't ever say yes. I'm even too afraid to go to the events anyways because I feel like I would look stupid being there. My biggest discouragement was when there was a school dance, but girls were to ask guys to the dance at school. No one asked me. I feel like everyone I know was asked by a girl. I feel like everyone around me is in a relationship, with someone, etc, etc. It's hard. I have top notch grades but it doesn't help me any to think about them. Now, before I say this, I would like you to remember that I have A LOT of friends, just so that when I say this, it doesn't sound like I'm the nerdy, bullied, friend-less kid. I'm far from that but this thing still exists: Whenever I'm talking with a group of friends, before school, at lunch, whatever, it seems like the jokes are ALWAYS at my expense. I honestly have convinced myself that this has been a joke that everyone in the world is in on, but kept hidden from me. Because it's happened since elementary school, in middle school, and in high school, and throughout those years I've even moved. I'm always the one made fun of when I'm hanging with a large group of friends. They like to call it "roasting". And it doesn't stop. I asked out a girl recently (obviously said no) and they keep making jokes about it, even people who had nothing to do with it. They always later say that it's just a joke and that they're fooling around but every time they start doing it again it feels like they're being serious. I don't have an Instagram or Snapchat (the two social medias that EVERYONE at my school has) because I'm too afraid to make one. I feel like if people saw that I had one, that I would look stupid in whatever I post and that they would roll their eyes and think that I'm just trying to fit in. I know though: everyone tells me not to care about what others think but telling me that doesn't change it. To pile it on, pretty much any time I'm arguing with a friend over who does something better, like who would win in a fight (even though we're friends and wouldn't fight each other, just hypothetically), who girls like more, etc, so then when asking people who they agree with comes around, everyone ALWAYS sides with who I'm arguing with. No one has ever sided with me. It set me off when it happened twice with the same friend. First everyone said that he would win in a fight (the two of us eventually agreed to say that we're both equal in that), and then he asked like 5 people within a span of like 2 minutes to settle the argument of who girls like more, and EVERYONE said that girls like him more than me. I never win. I know that it's childish but it came up somehow. I swear I never win. I just never do. Those "popular" guys that I mentioned, I'm very close friends with 3 or 4 of them, but I'm not satisfied. I've been told that I was a good-looking guy but the way I'm treated at school overrides that which I've heard. I'm not satisfied with the way my life is. Everyday I just go home and I never hang out with a friend, ever. To add on, there are two instances in which I asked two different girls for their number and they said "Oh, I don't have a number." Can you guys imagine how insulted I was? One of those two even went on to say "Oh, well, I don't remember my number anyways" after I called her out on BS'ing the fact that she "didn't have a number". I'm completely through. I hate the people that go to school with me. So what do you guys think? Am I overreacting?
Posted: September 2016 Permalink

Replies

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upcomingnerd Level 102 Scania Beast Tamer Shared
Just ask someone out. If my old backside can get college girls, I'm sure you can do much better.
Sep 27 2016
readers Level 131 Scania Beginner See what games, anime & art readers is intoReaders
+2 I think you need someone to speak to, probably some counselor or some therapist. This is an actual serious suggestion and not a joke directed towards you, and it doesn't mean that you have any specific mental disorder or anything like that, but I think it will help you greatly to figure out how to sort out these issues for yourself. From your post, it does seem like you may be depressed.

As someone who has been through high school like everybody else, when you're in that mindset (and very hormonal, as teenagers often are because they are still developing both physically and mentally), it feels like that environment creates a bubble of sorts. It seems like everything that happens in the school matters without an awareness of the fact that there's this whole other world outside of the school. You are probably not even an adult yet. You have a lifetime ahead of you. There's no reason to be anxious about all these things; whether it be being the "popular" one and fitting in, or being jealous of what people have. Of course social media is going to be used as a tool to talk about the good things that people are doing in their lives; nobody wants to keep on hearing someone's sad tales. But I'm pretty sure that you too have some good things going on in your life, regardless of whether or not it needs to be said on social media.

It's good that you at least have a lot of friends in high school, because you know what? It's going to be a lot harder to make friends once you're out in the real world. Adults have their own stuff that they have to do. Some of them have kids, many of them have full-time jobs, they've got other hobbies perhaps, but they definitely may not have much room in their schedule for any new friends. But you're going to be busy too and won't think much about it. I would at least cherish whatever time you have left in school.

You have some confidence issues that you need to own up to. You may think that the popular girl will reject you, but how in the hell do you know that? Why assume it? You've only faced one rejection; how do you know that the others will do the same? And even then, if you REALLY did face rejection from all the girls that you liked, it's only for some high school event like the prom. Is that really going to matter after a few years? Think about it.
You have a bunch of people at school making fun of you for that one little thing. The fact that it's getting to you only further justifies whatever teasing they're doing. Either I would own up to it and become self-aware of the joke itself, or if it is really that bad then I wouldn't associate myself with those people anymore.

But yeah, that's up to you. I would begin by following the suggestion of seeing and speaking to someone about these issues.
Sep 27 2016
nightshade Level 53 Bera Assassin
@upcomingnerd Thanks man. Those words help. Not sarcasm either.

@readers I'll definitely consider all that you've said. I appreciate it man.
Sep 27 2016
bronight Level 54 Windia Page
You're worrying too much about unnecessary stuff. Relax and don't pay attention to those guys. You would like to find a girl, and I understand that. But envying those who the girls seem to like in general won't help you.
Sep 27 2016
nightshade Level 53 Bera Assassin
@bronight I guess I'll try not to pay attention. But it might be hard for me to change that. Thanks for your input.
Sep 27 2016
nightshade Level 53 Bera Assassin
@stoker I agree I probably don't have much confidence, BUT...

The constant attempts at assuring you guys how many friends I have is so that I can create separation between this and the typical "i'm ugly have no friends i always get bullied nobody loves me " posts on all forums on the internet. Because when I was writing this, there were certain things I wrote that sounded exactly like said typical posts. That's why I only mentioned that I'm not a nerdy kid and I have a lot of friends after I say something like "it seems like everyone is making fun of me." That's for you guys to know that I'm not like the trite "i wanna commit suicide because I get bullied i have no friends" people on the internet so you can see the difference, because I hate hearing those stories all the time.

The white thing was for background and visualizing purposes.
Sep 27 2016
+1 stop hanging out with people who don't value you. that may be hard right now because your options are limited, but know that there's a world outside of your school and city. you'll always be second to someone unless you put yourself first. what matters to you will change, so don't be as short-sighted as your peers and set long-term goals that would benefit you more than achieving small-time popularity and social status.

dissatisfaction is good. i'm worried about those who have plateaued in high school and are content.
Sep 27 2016
nightshade Level 53 Bera Assassin
+1 @caracal Yeah, I've actually tried breaking off from the group of people that keep making fun of me. They're not my only group of friends, so it's a bit easier, but they still always try to do it whenever they get the chance. Thank you for the input as well.
Sep 27 2016
bronight Level 54 Windia Page
@nightshade No prob. Just be yourself and also try to take in what the above posters are saying. What they're saying is popularity now won't mean anything in life later on. It doesn't get any more real than that.
Sep 27 2016
nightshade Level 53 Bera Assassin
@bronight Yeah, i know but popularity is the only thing that seems to matter at my school.
Sep 27 2016
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