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Maplestory Fanfiction - constructive criticism welcome

MapleStory Forums : General MapleStory : General MS questions and answers

Dec 07 10
Bera I/L Arch Mage
segumisama
Hey guys.

This is my first maple fanfiction, I was struck by inspiration while riding the bus home today. This is the first draft.

http://pastebin.com/DGCEv9zC

It takes place after the big bang.

constructive criticism is welcome!
MapleStory Screen: Segumisama and bokuwaomar's marriage
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Dec 07 10
Bera Bandit
TextBook
We're 5year olds, we don't use constructive critism
Dec 07 10
Bera Marksman
kingaiishar
I've almost been killed by DBs at Gallos before so this story hits close to home for me. I liked it.
MapleStory Screen: Giant maple tree
Dec 07 10*
it sucked
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.
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when i got to the end, cuz i wanted to keep reading T_T. more please!
Dec 07 10
Mardia Dawn Warrior 1
Yamro
It was good. Make more
Dec 07 10
Bera I/L Arch Mage
Impulse1234
I liked it! You might want to consider making an account on FanFiction.net, and posting your story there. Granted, it takes a day or two for them to allow you to post stories, but you generally get a lot of good constructive criticism from there, as well as posting it on a Maplestory community site like here.

That reminds me... I gotta finish writing the 5th chapter of my Maple FanFiction...
MapleStory Screen: Snails! :o
Dec 07 10
Bera I/L Arch Mage
segumisama
SatoMaikeru: it sucked
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when i got to the end, cuz i wanted to keep reading T_T. more please!

Haha thanks. I guess people like my stories because they always say that.

BurninDavyn: Liked the story a lot! Maybe add in a few adjectives to describe the character's appearances early on, but overall a nice piece of work. Here's an updated version with grammar mistakes and a few added words thrown in.
http://pastebin.com/bnv2GeWN

Oh my god, Davyn. I love you like the little brother I never had. Thank you for going through the entire thing and editing it! *tosses you a cookie*

and yeah, I really am bad with the whole describing thing. I'll add in some descriptions further on. If I continue it.

striker1333: I liked it! You might want to consider making an account on FanFiction.net, and posting your story there. Granted, it takes a day or two for them to allow you to post stories, but you generally get a lot of good constructive criticism from there, as well as posting it on a Maplestory community site like here.

That reminds me... I gotta finish writing the 5th chapter of my Maple FanFiction...

Thanks! I already have a fanfiction.net account, I'll upload it there later. I'd love to read your story
MapleStory Screen: Segumisama and bokuwaomar's marriage
Dec 07 10
Bera I/L Arch Mage
Impulse1234
MapleStory Screen: Snails! :o
Dec 07 10
Chaos Chief Bandit
Xosil
If you get rid of the levels it'd make it seem like a legit story/book. I'd read it most definitely. But it's pretty good. Try to be a little more descriptive with details and make it vivid.
Dec 07 10
Bera I/L Arch Mage
segumisama
LucLocke: If you get rid of the levels it'd make it seem like a legit story/book. I'd read it most definitely. But it's pretty good. Try to be a little more descriptive with details and make it vivid.

Yeah, I see that now, thanks I might go with the medal ranks (master adventurer, veteran, beginner, etc )

striker: I'm reading your story now., it's a nice alternative to waiting for the bb patch.
MapleStory Screen: Segumisama and bokuwaomar's marriage
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