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Maplestory Fanfiction - constructive criticism welcome

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Segumisama Level 163 Bera I/L Arch Mage
Hey guys.

This is my first maple fanfiction, I was struck by inspiration while riding the bus home today. This is the first draft.
pastebin.com/DGCEv9zC

It takes place after the big bang.

constructive criticism is welcome!
Posted: December 2010 Permalink
TwitterFacebook Replies: 12

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DualPirate Level 53 Bera Bandit
We're 5year olds, we don't use constructive critism
Dec 07 2010
LimusocoBobo Level 199 Bera Marksman
I've almost been killed by DBs at Gallos before so this story hits close to home for me. I liked it.
Dec 07 2010
it sucked
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when i got to the end, cuz i wanted to keep reading T_T. more please!
Dec 07 2010
It was good. Make more
Dec 07 2010
I liked it! You might want to consider making an account on FanFiction.net, and posting your story there. Granted, it takes a day or two for them to allow you to post stories, but you generally get a lot of good constructive criticism from there, as well as posting it on a Maplestory community site like here.

That reminds me... I gotta finish writing the 5th chapter of my Maple FanFiction...
Dec 07 2010
Segumisama Level 163 Bera I/L Arch Mage
it sucked
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when i got to the end, cuz i wanted to keep reading T_T. more please![/quote]

Haha thanks. I guess people like my stories because they always say that.

Liked the story a lot! Maybe add in a few adjectives to describe the character's appearances early on, but overall a nice piece of work. Here's an updated version with grammar mistakes and a few added words thrown in.pastebin.com/bnv2GeWN[/quote]

Oh my god, Davyn. I love you like the little brother I never had. Thank you for going through the entire thing and editing it! *tosses you a cookie*

and yeah, I really am bad with the whole describing thing. I'll add in some descriptions further on. If I continue it.

I liked it! You might want to consider making an account on FanFiction.net, and posting your story there. Granted, it takes a day or two for them to allow you to post stories, but you generally get a lot of good constructive criticism from there, as well as posting it on a Maplestory community site like here.

That reminds me... I gotta finish writing the 5th chapter of my Maple FanFiction...[/quote]

Thanks! I already have a fanfiction.net account, I'll upload it there later. I'd love to read your story
Dec 07 2010
Dec 07 2010
If you get rid of the levels it'd make it seem like a legit story/book. I'd read it most definitely. But it's pretty good. Try to be a little more descriptive with details and make it vivid.
Dec 07 2010
Segumisama Level 163 Bera I/L Arch Mage
If you get rid of the levels it'd make it seem like a legit story/book. I'd read it most definitely. But it's pretty good. Try to be a little more descriptive with details and make it vivid.[/quote]

Yeah, I see that now, thanks I might go with the medal ranks (master adventurer, veteran, beginner, etc )

striker: I'm reading your story now., it's a nice alternative to waiting for the bb patch.
Dec 07 2010
Wow.. Someone who actually knows how to quote multiple people.
For that I congratulate you and I will be reading your story in a second.
Dec 07 2010
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