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Is anybody good at writing?

http://www.sendspace.com/file/45x1au

This is a rough draft of an article i'm writing for my friend's site. My writing is atrocious but he told me he really likes my insight on the gaming topic. Can anyone edit it for me? >_>

January 5, 2011

6 Comments • Newest first

aznseal

[quote=KhristianKid]I'm not going to go through grammar and spelling because I believe you can do that on your own with time.

As for the content, I thought it was quirky article, probably interesting to those who don't really play video games
Now I do not know what your audience is, if this is for a school project, for a blog for anyone to use, or specifically for gamers. I'm going to assume the general audience and give you my specific criticisms.

Cons (This first because it deals with the first half):
Personally, I have delved into this issue of Casuals vs. Competitive A LOT for Halo 3 and Halo: Reach so I know its effects. I really do not think you should label and set out groups. This isolates populations and confines them to being "scrubs" or "competitive." Absolute groups are potentially uncomfortable, especially if a reader feels that he is in the wrong group. Thus, focusing on this division might be slightly interesting, but it shows a more negative stereotype of gamers, and might not appeal to readers. This is not specifically an attack on you; I'm a competitive player too so I also get caught up in this mentality but just realize the audience's POV and it might not seem so "good." If you are going to keep the group talk, try rewording it so its has less seclusion. "Scrubs" might seem okay to you but it definitely rings a negative connotation. All in all, avoid attacks, it's not fun to read.

Pros:
I really like your second half because as an ambiguous reader, the article speaks to me more of the mind of the gamer. It talks about more on strategy and use of strategy, sometimes giving specific examples, and then, gives a gamer's analysis. We realize a POV that we (general audience) don't normally see, and could possibly never see unless we read something like this. You contrast different views and give a brief analysis, but don't really "attack" one side or another, but just give reasons. It was fun to read, because it was more analysis.. (Last sentence could be less harsh ;P)

As you can see, I enjoy reviewing stuff (I spent hours last week reviewing my friend's college essays @_@). Hope it helped and good luck with the article [/quote]

Points taken. Thanks
And articles for a geeky site.

Reply January 5, 2011
Omegathorion

It's an interesting take. There are a few problems, but mainly what I saw was inconsistent journalism. A journalist should be as neutral as possible, a columnist should fill the article with his/her own opinion. You kinda switch between the two.

Would your friend be interested in having more writers? I love thinking and writing about game theory.

Reply January 5, 2011
aznseal

[quote=Failure]DISCLAIMER: Please note that I am not a top professional in any game, nor will I probably ever be [b]one[/b].
In reality, competitive players [b]play[/b] a very different game from the casuals.

I won't fix your grammar, diction, structure, etc since I feel like this type of opinion article sounds the most genuine when you write it without thinking much about that stuff. You're putting competitive players in a very negative light by saying they're dishonorable, cheap, and cowardly. I'm not sure your readers would want to read on and learn how to be competitive if they'll be labeled as such.

Also, pick either he or she. There's no point in saying "he/she" and then addressing the reader as "sir" right after.[/quote]

Aight, and what i mean by that is i'm competitive, but i'm nowhere near the level of people like m2k.

Reply January 5, 2011
Segumisama

I consider myself an alright writer, I suppose.
Hang on, reading over your thingy.

Hi, this is Naixin and this is the first article I'll be writing for *insert site name*. I hope you enjoy [the article] and any comments or criticism should be directed to naixinz at yahoo.com (or if there's a site email tony)
The topic [I'm writing about] is "The Competitive Mindset" and [I'll] explore the difference between the casual living room gamers and the true competitive gamers. DISCLAIMER: Please note that I am not a top professional in any game, nor will I probably ever be on. The credentials I have come in the form of experience from years of playing games competitively with [a] competitive mindset and [from] friends who are professionals in their games (Jason Zimmermen aka Mew2King in Smash, and Todd Anderson in Magic: The Gathering to name a few). This article is not about how to be a top professional, but rather how to embrace the competitive mindset to steadily improve in your game and not to be a scrub.
Let's start by introducing terms. A "scrub" is anyone who is not competitive when he or she plays video games, aka [someone who] plays casually. We all start out as a scrub, but we soon branch out into scrubs who are trying to get better, and "noobs." The latter is anyone who does not care about getting better, and sees the game as a casual experience. Being a casual player is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean, we all start out as "scrubs", but soon, the line between casual and competitive players become[s] more defined. Getting better at a game does not make someone turn from a casual player into a competitive player. What separates them is the evolution in their mindset on how they approach the game. The scrub stays a scrub when he/she does not play to win.
A casual player may complain that competitive players are "cheap" when they play. They argue that competitive gamers, by exploiting every single options and choosing the best one for each particular situation, ruin the fun of the game. This is the scrub mentality. The mentality that there is an invisible set of rules that governs how one should play. In reality, competitive players play a very different game from the casual players. Competitive players play with a completely different mindset from the casual players, and that is "to play to win". Being competitive means you use the optimal option in each given situation as often as possible (ideally always). You use every single advantage offered to you in order to win the game. Casuals may think such tactics such as "chain grabbing" in fighting games or "camping" in shooters as "cheap", but the competitive player realizes that those are the best options for the given situation. What a casual may think is cheap, a competitive will realize is effective. There is no such thing as honor when one is playing to win in a game. The end results do not care if one player used "more skill" or "cooler moves" to win. The end only matters about who won. This applies to aspects of real life as well. The basketball score doesn't care about whether Kobe Bryant does a normal layup or a 720 degree under the leg back flip dunk. It's still only two points. Playing to win. That is the competitive mindset.
How to slowly gain the competitive mindset? The first step is to break your ego and realize that you suck at whatever game you're trying to be competitive at. You have to acknowledge that your current play-style is obsolete can you begin to explore more options and literally relearn the entire game. Only then can you start to play competitively.

Here you go. I looked over it, changed a few things (my corrections will be in []'s)

hope it helped

It is pretty good, though.

Reply January 5, 2011 - edited
aznseal

[quote=Crunk]If it's a casual article, this seems good.

Though what bothered me is reading the word "competitive" practically every two lines.[/quote]

it's casual. It's just a rough draft/sample

Reply January 5, 2011 - edited
aznseal

EDIT: It's very short atm. I plan to add a lot of meat to it when i have more time.

Hi, this is Naixin and this is the first article I'll be writing for *insert site name*. I hope you enjoy and any comments or criticism should be directed to naixinz at yahoo.com (or if there's a site email tony)
The topic is "The Competitive Mindset" and we'll explore the difference between the casual living room gamers and the true competitive gamers. DISCLAIMER: Please note that I am not a top professional in any game, nor will I probably ever be on. The credentials I have come in the form of experience from years of playing games competitively with the competitive mindset and friends who are professionals in their games (Jason Zimmermen aka Mew2King in Smash, and Todd Anderson in Magic: The Gathering to name a few). This article is not about how to be a top professional, but rather how to embrace the competitive mindset to steadily improve in your game and not to be a scrub.
Let's start by introducing terms. "What's a scrub?" you say? Well, a scrub is anyone who is not competitive when he or she plays video games, aka plays casually. We all start out as a scrub, but we soon branch out into scrubs who are trying to get better, and "noobs." The latter is anyone who does not care about getting better, and sees the game as a casual experience. Being a casual player is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean, we all start out as "scrubs", but soon, the line between casual and competitive players become more defined. Getting better at a game does not make someone turn from a casual player into a competitive player. What separates them is the evolution in their mindset on how they approach the game. The scrub stays a scrub when he/she does not play to win.
A casual player may complain that competitive players are "cheap" when they play. They argue that competitive gamers, by exploiting every single options and choosing the best one for each particular situation, ruin the fun of the game. This sir, is the scrub mentality. The mentality that there is an invisible set of rules that governs how one should play. In reality, competitive players plat a very different game from the casuals. The truth is that competitive players play with a completely different mindset from the casual players, and that is "to play to win". Being competitive means you use the optimal option in each given situation as often as possible (ideally always). You use every single advantage offered to you in order to win the game. Casuals may think such tactics such as chain grabbing in fighting games or camping in shooters as "cheap", but the competitive player realizes that those are the best options for the given situation. What a casual may think is cheap; a competitive will realize is effective. There is no such thing as honor when one is playing to win in a game. The end results do not care if one player used "more skill" or "cooler moves" to win. The end only matters about who won. This applies to aspects of real life as well. The basketball score doesn't care about whether Kobe Bryant does a normal layup or a 720 degree under the leg back flip dunk. It's still only two points. Playing to win. That is the competitive mindset.
How to slowly gain the competitive mindset? The first step is to break your ego and realize that you suck at whatever game you're trying to be competitive at. You have to acknowledge that your current play-style is obsolete can you begin to explore more options and literally relearn the entire game. Only then can you start to play competitively.

Reply January 5, 2011 - edited