[quote=blazi4ever]Bassy pretty much took the words out of my mouth criticism wise.
Though what's bothering me is the top left panel; that light cloth/thing in front of the right guy's face looks a bit awkward, I honestly can't tell what it is. o.o[/quote]
It's the map o-o You can see his hand at the bottom (well his finger)
Bassy pretty much took the words out of my mouth criticism wise.
Though what's bothering me is the top left panel; that light cloth/thing in front of the right guy's face looks a bit awkward, I honestly can't tell what it is. o.o
[quote=MaplexHero]Japanese manga style. It's from right to left, top to bottom. Same for the speech[/quote]
Oh, I know that it's manga style (hopefully, or I'd be even more confused), but I don't really understand the actual thing itself. Like the drawings, and the bubbles and I don't even know what's going on. T_T But @Plusle4eva cleared it up pretty well.
I assume you're not the actual artist, but I feel the need to leave a bit of criticism since this is actually my area of expertise! Perhaps the original artist will see this post, haha...
I really can't tell who is talking in the panels, there should be tails to indicate. The "off-panel balloon" is a common trope in manga, which makes it even more difficult to tell who is talking since this [i]is[/i] meant to be read in the manga fashion.
Move the camera around. The Balrog cave isn't that tight-in, so we don't need to feel claustrophobic here! Pull out so we can get a sense of environment, and definitely use different angles. I assume, even though this has a "gag" feel, there's supposed to be a sense of drama. A downshot would have worked really well for the first panel, and a series of up-shots during the back-and-forth conversation would work much better than smushing the camera against their faces.
Hmm... again, pull out. The bottom half is incredibly hard to make out what's going on, and we're left trying to guess the overall actions (if any).
It would also help to either ease back on the tone, or use it in a more effective way to define forms. It looks like it was really just slapped on for the sake of being "more like a manga," rather than emphasizing focal points and whatnot. Every bit of imagery should be there to help tell us what's going on, not to confuse us. You can actually simulate a dark cave without the use of tone, merely with black placement, and actually that would help the comic read much easier.
And finally, on the subject of text, please tell me that's not Comic Sans! Never ever ever ever use Comic Sans! There are plenty of nice looking comic fonts (or you could even make your own) out there. Comic Sans is actually an insult and a sin in the graphic design world. That said, when lettering a comic, it's common place not to have lowercase letters. Somehow it just works better in the mind.
The manga transcribed for those who can't read the format:
1- ANT TUNNEL. A cold, desolate cave.. Bones and vents are scattered around the dark cave on the uneven ground. Figures are seen walking through, voices echoing out into the darkness. "Guys wait up!" "Well hurry." "Wait what did I just step on?" 2- A dark-skinned male holding a map says, "Guys, looks like we're almost there. Just hang on a little while longer...", followed by his companion shouting, "WAIT! WHO MADE THIS GUY THE NAVAGATOR?' 3- A girl in a phantom hat asks flatly, "Ask our leader. And do any of you feel like we're being watched...?" 4- The leader responds, "Nonsense. It must've been the wind" while another party member looks on in admiration/love. 5- She retorts back, "No! I'm serious, I feel like we're be-" She is cut off by the leader, who impatiently sighs and says, "It's just some Evil Eye or something, stop being such a crybaby. As leader of this expedition I command you to stop assuming we're being stalked!" Meanwhile, a mysterious figure in a fur cloak looks on at the bickering party. 6- The girl admits defeat, and haughtily responds, "Fine." A close up of the figure poking his tongue is seen, giving a strong sense of foreshadowing for the party's doom. 7- The girl notices the figure and looks at him curiously, not sure what he is. (?) 8- He says "LUL", confusing the girl further (?) 9- She is whisked from the party in some weird cape flip. She shouts out.(?) 10- A darkened figure is seen falling from the ceiling. 11- Impact is shown by the figure.
There were a few panels that made me go wat but eh.
17 Comments • Newest first
[quote=blazi4ever]Bassy pretty much took the words out of my mouth criticism wise.
Though what's bothering me is the top left panel; that light cloth/thing in front of the right guy's face looks a bit awkward, I honestly can't tell what it is. o.o[/quote]
It's the map o-o You can see his hand at the bottom (well his finger)
Like anyone would behave like this during a real MS expedition.
Bassy pretty much took the words out of my mouth criticism wise.
Though what's bothering me is the top left panel; that light cloth/thing in front of the right guy's face looks a bit awkward, I honestly can't tell what it is. o.o
[quote=MaplexHero]Japanese manga style. It's from right to left, top to bottom. Same for the speech[/quote]
Oh, I know that it's manga style (hopefully, or I'd be even more confused), but I don't really understand the actual thing itself.
Like the drawings, and the bubbles and I don't even know what's going on. T_T But @Plusle4eva cleared it up pretty well.
I assume you're not the actual artist, but I feel the need to leave a bit of criticism since this is actually my area of expertise! Perhaps the original artist will see this post, haha...
I really can't tell who is talking in the panels, there should be tails to indicate. The "off-panel balloon" is a common trope in manga, which makes it even more difficult to tell who is talking since this [i]is[/i] meant to be read in the manga fashion.
Move the camera around. The Balrog cave isn't that tight-in, so we don't need to feel claustrophobic here! Pull out so we can get a sense of environment, and definitely use different angles. I assume, even though this has a "gag" feel, there's supposed to be a sense of drama. A downshot would have worked really well for the first panel, and a series of up-shots during the back-and-forth conversation would work much better than smushing the camera against their faces.
Hmm... again, pull out. The bottom half is incredibly hard to make out what's going on, and we're left trying to guess the overall actions (if any).
It would also help to either ease back on the tone, or use it in a more effective way to define forms. It looks like it was really just slapped on for the sake of being "more like a manga," rather than emphasizing focal points and whatnot. Every bit of imagery should be there to help tell us what's going on, not to confuse us. You can actually simulate a dark cave without the use of tone, merely with black placement, and actually that would help the comic read much easier.
And finally, on the subject of text, please tell me that's not Comic Sans! Never ever ever ever use Comic Sans! There are plenty of nice looking comic fonts (or you could even make your own) out there. Comic Sans is actually an insult and a sin in the graphic design world. That said, when lettering a comic, it's common place not to have lowercase letters. Somehow it just works better in the mind.
My head hurts.
But great art!
[quote=achyif]I can never tell which way panels are supposed to be read on basilmarket anymore...[/quote]
same here so i just read them left to right then right to left to see which way makes more sense
Tyrone, get yo ass ova here!
I thought I was the only one who didn't get it.
I can never tell which way panels are supposed to be read on basilmarket anymore...
The manga transcribed for those who can't read the format:
1- ANT TUNNEL. A cold, desolate cave.. Bones and vents are scattered around the dark cave on the uneven ground. Figures are seen walking through, voices echoing out into the darkness. "Guys wait up!" "Well hurry." "Wait what did I just step on?"
2- A dark-skinned male holding a map says, "Guys, looks like we're almost there. Just hang on a little while longer...", followed by his companion shouting, "WAIT! WHO MADE THIS GUY THE NAVAGATOR?'
3- A girl in a phantom hat asks flatly, "Ask our leader. And do any of you feel like we're being watched...?"
4- The leader responds, "Nonsense. It must've been the wind" while another party member looks on in admiration/love.
5- She retorts back, "No! I'm serious, I feel like we're be-" She is cut off by the leader, who impatiently sighs and says, "It's just some Evil Eye or something, stop being such a crybaby. As leader of this expedition I command you to stop assuming we're being stalked!" Meanwhile, a mysterious figure in a fur cloak looks on at the bickering party.
6- The girl admits defeat, and haughtily responds, "Fine." A close up of the figure poking his tongue is seen, giving a strong sense of foreshadowing for the party's doom.
7- The girl notices the figure and looks at him curiously, not sure what he is. (?)
8- He says "LUL", confusing the girl further (?)
9- She is whisked from the party in some weird cape flip. She shouts out.(?)
10- A darkened figure is seen falling from the ceiling.
11- Impact is shown by the figure.
There were a few panels that made me go wat but eh.
I like the art, but even reading right to left left me confused.
Who else thought that the 8th panel was some kind of brown reindeer.
I like the art but what is going on here.
I can understand like 1 panel.
this is a really good panel!
and mangas are read right to left i believe, though im not sure which way the artist narrated it o.o
I hope I'm not the only one that was really confused trying to read this.