I think I am a bad friend but not really
EDIT: Thanks to all that helped :* I got around to talk to him and reset boundaries. Mods please lock or kill this thread tyty
Hi idk where to start but I know I need some advice. This whole weekend I've been very pissy because of a friend who is very "nice".
Last week I was able to confirm that this friend could store his stuff in my new apartment. I wasn't up there yet but my housemate gave him my key to use for the time being.
I didn't want to rush moving so I came to town to start packing and stuff and I let him know cus he had my key. He texts me if he could stay over "(:". I make a sneaky move which was to use my housemate who was a mom to say no. He said he didn't have anywhere to go so I said he could use my new apartment. His text tone became "sure..." But later it was canceled cus my housemate in the other apartment was going to have parents over and she didn't want a lecture about boys. He then asks me if he can come over for a bit which I was assuming was the key but it was a bag. I thanked him for the bag which was doused in Old Spice (it really is) and asked if he was going to go. He's like nah...I'll chill for a bit. So I kept on packing and came down AND HE IS LAYING DOWN ON THE SOFA MAKING PERSONAL CALLS. disoanbf
Basically it got late and he ended up staying for the night and I was like ok but you have to leave tomorrow yeah? And he agreed.
But the next day we did lunch and I ran around doing more packing. Long story short, he ended up staying the night again even after I reminded him it was time to leave but he stayed for so long that it got late again (what a surprise). He sat in the living room when I told him I was going to be busy for a while cus I was taking care of something for the buppy.
This morning I reminded him that my sister was coming over and I didn't want him around and he wanted a hug and I said no. I told him I was very irritable and he can let himself out and he left.
TL;DR I have a friend who is "nice" but it always seems like there is a motive. I have set boundaries between us before because he got the wrong idea (girls don't usually approach him or something) and it was fine for a while but afterwards he's been pushing the "you're a rly good friend I want to be your best friend" thing. He constantly and openly wonders what I think of him and all I can tell him that he's just a friend. He is also a mumbler and kind of deaf which pisses me off.
Pls yell at me or give me some advice on how to deal. I really hate this sort of clingy-ness. Thank you
14 Comments • Newest first
@ZombieOverlord yeah! I saw a question mark next to your name so I just took it off
@xdean23 I definitely will tell him also please don't misunderstand. I don't think he's deaf because I asked him straight up before and he said no but can't hear me most of the time. I used to be shy but I've stopped mumbling some time ago and I'm pretty confident in my speech.
Be blunt about it and set some boundaries.
[b]Please do not make fun of deaf people. If you know he's deaf, speak up. Personally, I am partially deaf and it irritates me that I have to tell them and they don't understand. They get frustrated as well, but I can't do anything.[/b]
@ZombieOverlord: ?
[quote=Dorks]
@ZombieOverlord he really does tbh. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Thanks for the advice, I'll ask for boundaries again. Maybe it'll sever him wanting to be around me. (Andrew?)
Thankyouthankyouthankyou I knew I wasn't crazy[/quote]
Yes, it's Andrew
I think we took each other off skype some time ago.
Be blunt about it.
@betaboi101 I have made the mistake of letting him know where I will be living for the school year
@ZombieOverlord he really does tbh. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Thanks for the advice, I'll ask for boundaries again. Maybe it'll sever him wanting to be around me. (Andrew?)
@marauder21 thanks, I actually told him that LMAO even though I know my sis wasn't going to be awake until well into the afternoon.
@sidho I know he doesn't use me for housing, he legitimately did not want to be alone in his cleared out apartment. Last time I did the assertive thing, he ended up being "triggered" and he really didn't bother me for a while. But it seems that recently he's more insistent than ever. Even back then 4/5 times I would decline to hang out with him because I had other plans. Idk how but the way he is makes me feel bad about being a bad person because at the end I don't really care. I'm actually feeling better now that he isn't lounging around watching me like a sad puppy. During the school year he wasn't allowed to go to my room but yesterday he decided to stand at the door awkwardly while I was fumbling with my things for a good 5 minutes. He even asked if he could "chill in my room for a bit" when the only seating available was my shoe rack.
Thankyouthankyouthankyou I knew I wasn't crazy
He's nice, that's true. He does not see you as a source of housing, he sees you as a friend. However, I think that he may be taking you for granted. This is just my insight but he is so comfortable with you that he takes you for granted. In this situation, you have to tell him your position and your demands assertively. Actually, he's probably going to argue back so tell him aggressively. Once this happens, he will be intimidated, feel somewhat guilt and not bother you for a while. But you could just start hanging out with him later and you will be friends again. No matter how nice someone is, they still have to respect others as humans. Also, this is all just personal opinion and intuition
Might need to be more firm with what you're saying.
For example, on day 2, sorry, but you need to leave by 1.
1 pm rolls by, "Hey mate, its 1pm, pack your stuff. My sis's coming over in 10 minutes and I need this place cleared"
Some crap like that l0l. Don't take my advice too closely because I don't know what I'm talking about o.o
He's entering creep territory.
Get rid of him before he goes fullblown creep/stalker.
And you're not a bad friend, if anything, he is.
He ignores your requests constantly and from what I can tell, makes you pretty uncomfortable.
Trust your instincts, get him far away from you.
Stage 5 clinger... Run before its too late..
@Oponion thank you I will up my mean game. But when I told him the first time about boundaries he started going to therapy like me but after his first session he had already decided to go on antidepressants too
@Rollsback it's not that I don't like him as a friend, he just goes above and beyond to try and be best friends as if he's never had one before.
@kahime thank you baby I will :*
@PerfectSight he can't even hug he does this weird shoulder thing like he's afraid to touch me but wants to hug
dang why did you not give him your hug, it would at least make him feel better..
Tell him to get the hell out.
Have you tried telling him that you don't like him?