General

High school sucks, but it doesnt have to

I want to share my experience because for so long I've kept everything to myself, and the only person I've really ever told about the affairs in my life were my sister. I thought I didn't have a great support system, and that really hindered my experience in high school and my experience as an adolescent. I know there are a lot of teenagers and pre-teens who are on this site and I thought- you know what? Let me show some of them that someone understands. That hopefully they won't do the same things I did. I'm almost at the end of my Senior Year, and I can finally breathe a little.
So behind some pixels, I want to share my story.

*Rule Number One: Popularity Shouldn't Matter*
If someone had told me that earlier, before I hit my freshman year, it would have saved me *so* much stress. Going into high school, I didn't know anyone. I stumbled over my words and I couldn't bring myself to ask anyone to hang out. So during lunch hour I just walked around the school, in and out of washrooms. At the end of the school day when I went home, I ran into my mother's arms and I cried. I told her that I've never felt so lonely. By the second week of school, I started building friendships with kids in my art class. I was shy, but I was likable. I didn't know this at the time because I was basically a loner in my elementary years. I think it was my shyness at the time that attracted people to me, and as a result, I gained a lot of friends. Having so many people to call a friend was great, it was even addicting... And eventually, it went to my head. I was friends with anybody and everybody. It was hard not to like me when I gave people no reason to. I was a great talker, I knew social and conversational cues, and I made sure to be kind to people. I was trustworthy and popular. However, I started hanging out with -those- kids. You know the ones. The kids who kind of think all eyes are on them and like to stir a little rumor here and there to create drama? Yeah.
That's where everything started to go downhill.
My advice: Be as popular as you want to be, but invest yourself in the right group of people.

*Rule Number Two: Not Everyone is Going to Like You*
This should go hand in hand with the whole "popularity shouldn't matter" morale. But yes, not everyone is going to like you. This is a very important lesson, and if you haven't learned it, learn it now. I hate to reiterate myself, but as I said earlier, I gave no one any reason to dislike me. However, people will find a reason to dislike you. People will even make up reasons to hate you. Someone decided to start telling everyone that I was gay (and I am) and that had spread like wildfire. Before I knew it, I found a group of enemies, and one guy (let's call him Paul), decided that one day, he would wake up and start despising me, and he would make sure I knew. I definitely tried to dispel that rumor. I told a guy that I didn't even hang out with that I had a crush on a girl that I was relatively good friends with. That made everything in our friendship awkward, and it definitely didn't stop the rumors. I started getting followed around by Paul, who was just as popular as I was, and he made sure to yell a famous F word whenever he saw me.
At this point, my peers started not to trust me, they started to avoid starting conversations with me. I was barely aware of this. I knew what was happening, but I kept it on the back burner.
My advice: Recognize bullies when they appear, confront them (make sure you have friends with you), and tell them to stop. If they don't, tell a teacher. TELL. A. TEACHER. Even if you don't confront them. It will save you so much grief. I promise.

*Rule Number Three: Don't Suffer in Silence*
Friends saw that I was in distress, and I didn't tell them, I lashed out at some of them. At this point, it was getting bad. I was getting my locker slammed on my hands, and I was getting threats online. Death threats, rape threats. The works.
Long story short on my birthday something terrible happened and I really didn't feel safe at school or at home. On the inside I felt like the world just hated me at this point. On the outside all everyone saw was a boy who was angry for no reason at all.
My advice: Tell someone you trust. It's definitely not too late.

*Rule Number Four: Your Feelings are Valid. Your Pain is Valid.*
I started drinking and smoking. A lot. Eventually I got caught. I don't really like talking about this as it all went by in a whim. My vice principal thought I was a really great student and didn't know why I got caught up in the habits that I did. And I was a great student. Just not then. Not when I felt like I had to fight to get through every day. I ended up getting suspended near the end of the year and failing math. I shared a class with Paul so eventually one of the teachers who actually gave a rat's ass about me noticed what was going on, and eventually it came to light. After sophomore year I moved schools.
My advice: Don't punish yourself for the s**t other people put you through.

*Rule Number Five: Change With Change. Change with Change.*
My new school, which I currently attend is great. It was the school I wanted to attend all along, so I got to meet all my old friends from elementary school, and they were surprised to see how I changed within the past two years. I'm still naturally sociable, and the girls I hang out are good people. I'm also very over trying to get people to like me.
My advice: It took me a long time to learn this, but- you don't owe anyone anything. Be yourself. Be happy being yourself.

*Rule Number Six: DON'T HAVE SEX. YOU WILL GET HIV... AND DIE*
You won't. And have sex if you want to. Just make sure you know what you're doing. And I mean, MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I'm not going to elaborate too much but I rushed into that whole shebang. I met the guy the same day I decided to spread my legs. Not a good idea. I became addicted to having sex and then two weeks later I'm stressing thinking I have HIV or some other STI. Luckily I didn't contract anything. But I did contract feelings for a guy who I'm sure wasn't as invested in me as I was in him. I called in sick at work just so I could roll around in hay with him. I still carried those inward feelings of self hatred and worthlessness that was beget from my experiences in my earlier years of high school. Knowing someone was attracted to me was addicting (he said he loved me, I KNOW HOW CLICHE THAT SOUNDS, BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T SAY IT BACK). I knew I was attractive. I glod up during that summer and I started getting a lot of a certain type attention I wasn't used to. I was having too much sex with too many people, and the same feeling of guilt *always* followed afterwards.
My advice: Take. It. Slow. You don't have to have sex. Wait.