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Has one of your family members passed away?

I mainly want answers from those who lost their mother.

How long did you mourn for them after they passed?

I'm just wondering because someone I know has barely been talking to me because their mother passed away around the middle of March. I've talked to them probably only three times since then until now and it's driving me insane.

They don't want to talk to anyone, don't want support, nothing. Just sit in their room in solitaire.

April 6, 2015

17 Comments • Newest first

alexandrite5

Just like what other's been saying, people are different, they mourn different. Some people mourn then quickly move on while others takes years. It's also the relationship you have with that person that determines how long you will mourn for and if you guys had said a proper goodbye to one another, as well as your acceptance that death is at the corner for that person.
You need to be patient and just be there for your friend whenever he needs some help. The way I see it right now, he's trying to put himself together, needed that space to think and absorbed what has happened. We needed that sometimes.

I lost my mom for almost 5 years ago. Nobody knew she was sick except for us (my sis, my dad, and myself) since she did not want anyone to know about it. This limited me from actually going up to my friends and telling them what's been happening and asking for their support. In the beginning, I told myself that everything will be okay. I tried to ignore it until it finally came. I felt numb, didn't even know what I was feeling. I did not even cry when she died unlike my sis who cried all night long and kept asking why she's the one to go. I guess you can say I accepted it right away than her? I thought I did. But you know what, when I read my uncle's eulogy for her at the funeral, that's when all those emotions that I've been keeping, started to come out. I couldn't even finish it. That's when I realized that she's forever gone and that I wouldn't see my mom anymore. On the other hand, my sis was so angry and so depressed that she did not even want to talk to anyone other than me. However, I told my sis what my mom wanted us to do even when she's no longer with us and that is not to cry and just be happy. I know it's hard to think about that especially when you're mourning but it is better than seeing her suffer any longer. I also tried to have this idea at the back of my head that she's just at work that's why she's not home (since she used to work double jobs) but later on, you start noticing that your life is different, so different from before. A lot of things changed, things I didn't even expect. I still miss her and wish that she is still here but I accepted that she's gone.

Reply April 7, 2015
iDrinkOJ

I lost my family member and took a year of grieving to get over the lost.
This might sound bad but it took way longer to get over my ex gf that I spent every single day with for years and I'm still not really over her.
These memories of them always stick in your head no matter what you do or how long. You can remember every vivid detail of those happy memories that you shared with them like it was yesterday. Your love for them never changes. Its just that they cease to exist physical and you feel sadden and dishearted that you can never be with them anymore and all you have left all just these images in your head of the wonderful person that you've once had the chance to encounter. I hate that life plays this games with me.

Reply April 6, 2015
pinoymystic

@Tiffbunny: Im sorry, I edited my post and it didn't go through for some odd reason. I posted without looking at his post because I thought he was sharing whom he lost of which I was really wanting to apologize for. What I was also going to say was that all the OP can do is be there for his friend for a loved one. also, why do you feel the need to put in my ethnicity lmao. that's probably putting your argument against me an ad hominem and making your argument against me invalid. I understand I did wrong. I'm sorry.

@OP: Losing anyone in general is extremely painful. and you can't really tell your friend much to be honest. just let them be because grieving is a human process. The idea of having something not existing anymore is completely unreal to me, and to a lot of people as well. a lot of people still won't ever get over it because the things you've shared with them are still locked in your heart and so the only thing you can do is sympathize with him. I'd also just give your friend a few words because it's best to say a little than something that might turn against your friend.

Again, for the confusion, I edited my post, but basil crashed this morning and it didn't go through and i had forgotten to change it.

Reply April 6, 2015
Killeem

[quote=natalie]the way that they're behaving is normal. my uncle passed away over a year ago and my younger cousin still cries herself to sleep. it was tough for everyone but i can't even start to imagine how she must feel. you can't pester someone who's lost a parent about how they should be mourning or taking in advice from others when you've never had a similar experience and those who have would already know not to do that. there's nothing more annoying than having someone tell you how you should feel when you just lost what helped to create you. you can make an attempt to be as positive as you want but it's a tragic event for them so no optimism is going to mask that anytime soon. everyone's raised differently but what we do is just be there for each other and show as much affection as possible while she heals. i guess some people do find comfort in talking it out. the last time we met up she fell asleep on my lap and i was stroking her hair like she was a baby. your friend's vulnerable right now so continue to be patient and let him know that you're right there if he ever needs you[/quote]

hi mom

Reply April 6, 2015
djho57

make sure you looking out for ya friend, it aint easy for them

Reply April 6, 2015
Tiffbunny

@pinoymystic don't talk that way. OP is trying to find a way or actually is wanting to know how his friend feels to help him in
any possible way and all you do is talk about your dog. I find it rude. You seem to be from Philippines, don't bring shame to other people of your blood.

OT: I understand how you feel. I also once had a friend who lost one of his parents though it was a father.
I did things like always putting her in my group when there were activities and such. So basically cover up her back and tried to stay in a position wherein I can
show that someone is on her side, I did this because I thought that losing a parent would make her feel empty.
Try to fill in ^^

Reply April 6, 2015
Dupants

[quote=Xenoner]Just treat him the way you did before he lost his mother.
Also, your friend might keep it personal, thus keep confidentiality.[/quote]
I have been! Just results in me being ignored. And I'm being shut out almost completely. I already have no friends to begin with so it feels like I'm losing one of the few friends that I have
I gave all the support I could and it's just all being denied. I don't know what to do

Reply April 6, 2015
natalie

the way that they're behaving is normal. my uncle passed away over a year ago and my younger cousin still cries herself to sleep. it was tough for everyone but i can't even start to imagine how she must feel. you can't pester someone who's lost a parent about how they should be mourning or taking in advice from others when you've never had a similar experience and those who have would already know not to do that. there's nothing more annoying than having someone tell you how you should feel when you just lost what helped to create you. you can make an attempt to be as positive as you want but it's a tragic event for them so no optimism is going to mask that anytime soon. everyone's raised differently but what we do is just be there for each other and show as much affection as possible while she heals. i guess some people do find comfort in talking it out. the last time we met up she fell asleep on my lap and i was stroking her hair like she was a baby. your friend's vulnerable right now so continue to be patient and let him know that you're right there if he ever needs you

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
pinoymystic

my doggie. her kidneys couldnt take it...

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
Xenoner

I've taken a grief support training this year in order to volunteer for the people who have lost someone special.
Let me give you an advice.
First of all, there is no right or wrong way to grief. Also, there is no time limit for the grief to fade away.
Therefore, don't treat him differently. Just treat him the way you did before he lost his mother.
Also, your friend might keep it personal, thus keep confidentiality.

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
icemage11

Everyone reacts differently and has different methods of coping. Especially when the deceased is their mother, which I think is the toughest death for a person to handle. I don't get why YOU'RE so frustrated? Let your friend cope in his own way and if he doesn't want to talk to you then let him. Just be there for him.

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
bleachedguy

Grandma, cousins, uncles, dad, grandparents, lots of 'em.
I never really stopped mourning, I guess. I still think about them and stuff, but I try to stay positive.
Just be there for your friend whenever you can be.

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
Duzz

I lost my dad when I was 13 to cancer. The thing is you're doing fine. Your friend is just in that depressed state. Their whole world is falling apart. Losing a parent is not easy. I was like that too, but I did realize that everyone was supportive and wanted to help me. Just be there for them whenever you can and it'll mean a lot.

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
sparkshooter

Both my grandfathers passed away, and I didn't really mourn at all after the funeral day.

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
Killeem

my gma passed away last summer rip gma love u

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited
AbyssMind

Tell them that "letting go" is the greatest gift you can give to your mom. One of the most beautiful action humans can do.

Reply April 6, 2015 - edited