General

Yo' mama's so fat she has to move her chin out the way to see her stomach.

Yo mama so fat when she passed by the television the commercials was over.

Princeton Medical School students were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They were all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor - the first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted."

The professor uncovered the body, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it and sucked his finger.

"Go ahead and do the same thing." he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns sticking their fingers in the butt of the body and sucking their finger after withdrawing it from the rectum.

When everybody was finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "The second important quality is observation. I stuck my middle finger in and sucked my index finger. Pay attention people!"

Jesus was nailed to a cross - Thor has a hammer.

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW.

[quote=RazorNion]Made me smile. [/quote]
Wanna hear a joke about fritos?
Sorry but it's too corny.

there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were all tied up and some indians were about to shoot them. The brunette says "TORNADO!" and the indians fled. the brunette manages to leave. They came back and was about to shoot, and the red head says "HURRICANE!" they fled and she ran away. They indians came back, about to shoot the blond, she says "FIRE!" and they shot her.

[quote=choppyshrimp]A lion wouldnt cheat on hes girlfriend...but a Tiger Would, [/quote]

omg that's awesome. XD

A blonde goes to a hairdressers while listening to an ipod. The hairdresser asks her to take the earphones out, but the blonde replies that the doctor gave it to her, and said that if she took it out, she would die. They have an argument for a few minutes before the blonde finally agrees to take them out. While the hairdresser is cutting her hair, the blonde falls out of her seat, dead. The hairdresser, not being able to think of anything possible being in the ipod that would save her life, picks it up, puts the earphones in and presses play. The hairdresser hears 'Breathe in, Breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out.'

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One day, three friends walk out into the woods together. While taking a break and eating, a bear arrives and attacks them. Two of them get away, while the other is killed by the bear. After running for about 10 minutes, they stop.
1st Person: Aw crap, he's dead... What are we going to do now?
2nd Person: I know! Now I can't kill you cause you're stronger than me!

[quote=Blobified]Longest joke in the world:[/quote]

That didn't make me laugh.

1: Your engine is making allot of noise buddy!
2: What?
1: I said: Your engine is making allot of noise!
2: Whaaaaaaaat?
1: Your engineeee is making allot of noiseeeeee!
2: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
1: I SAID: Your engine is making a hell of allot of noise!
2: WHAAAAAAAT? Speak up I can't hear you! My engine is making allot of noise!

Wanna hear a joke? YOUR LIFE! HAHAHAHA

[quote=Australia]i fixed it D:

EDIT: I found some more:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
---------------

A blonde gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."[/quote]

Pretty good, but not enough to make me break my laugh box.

(Note: say replies aloud)
Knock knock

[quote=Australia]Here are some of the best apparently:

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
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Why do ducks have webbed feet?
bullet

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
bullet

To stamp out burning ducks[/quote]

I don't understand the bullet part.

[quote=PinStripez]-Ba-dum-tssshh-

OT: Why did the chicken cross the road?
He didn't, he got served with biscuits and mashed potatoes.[/quote]

... why do I keep smiling?

[quote=DexlessHonor]I heard his salary took a plunge.[/quote]
Still made me smile.

[quote=pollood]Wanna hear a pizza joke?

NAH IT'S TOO [I]CHEESY![/I][/quote]

Made me smile.

Wanna hear a pizza joke?

NAH IT'S TOO [I]CHEESY![/I]