updaet on mah crush part wun
Well, today is the day folks. This is a warning that there will be a long post ahead.
So I've been meaning to tell all of you about the day when I will ask her out. I've repeatedly said many times in previous posts that I will ask her out, even though I never bother to do so. But trust me; this WILL be the time that I will ask her out. There's something different about this occasion from all other occasions when I could've had the chance to ask her out, even though this was just an occasion much like any other. I mean, I could've texted her the following words, "Hey. I really like you. Want to hang out sometime?", and save myself the embarrassment of having to face her anyways since it's her last week and she'll be gone for college and I won't need to see her again afterwards. After all, half the embarrassment will have already been dealt with. But I found myself in way too much of a dilemma to muster up any effort to do something like that. After all, I've known her for what, two years now? I haven't even made an effort then to ask her out in ALL those years!
So we had lunch together as I've said earlier. I ran over the scenarios in my head; of us being together, holding hands and frolicking in the sunshine. All these dream scenarios that are a waste of human resources and brain power when I could just simply ask her that one question. But ANYWAYS: in spite of what all my co-workers, my family and even what YOU guys are saying on the Internet, there is still this repeating track in my head, looping over and over again: "No. This is the worst decision you will ever make in your life. There is no recovering from this abyss. It is as the Bible predicted in the Book of Revelation! Hell and brimstone literally will rain over the skies if I were to even attempt to ask this one question!"
I told myself; it will be okay. Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla were virgins, weren't they? Also Mother Teresa? Maybe I could be just like them for the rest of my life. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact they did some great things for all of humanity. There's nothing wrong with practicing celibacy. Nothing. Maybe if I think like that, I wouldn't need to concern myself over such issues. Who needs romantic relationships anyways? Or girls?
And yet, there was a force inside of me, an awakening spirit that was so compelling. I can sense the tug of war ruminating inside of me; one side telling me not to do it and the other compelling me to do so. Eventually, the fighting subsided and it was clear which side was the winner.
Under my breath, suddenly I blurted out: "I like you. Will you go on a date with me?"
She said no.
We had our lunch, and then she left. Then I left.
And the world is still spinning as it always has been.