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Maplestory Fanfiction - constructive criticism welcome

Hey guys.

This is my first maple fanfiction, I was struck by inspiration while riding the bus home today. This is the first draft.

http://pastebin.com/DGCEv9zC

It takes place after the big bang.

constructive criticism is welcome!

December 7, 2010

4 Comments • Newest first

Segumisama

[quote=LucLocke]If you get rid of the levels it'd make it seem like a legit story/book. I'd read it most definitely. But it's pretty good. Try to be a little more descriptive with details and make it vivid.[/quote]

Yeah, I see that now, thanks I might go with the medal ranks (master adventurer, veteran, beginner, etc )

striker: I'm reading your story now., it's a nice alternative to waiting for the bb patch.

Reply December 7, 2010
Segumisama

[quote=SatoMaikeru]it sucked
. .
. .
. .
. when i got to the end, cuz i wanted to keep reading T_T. more please![/quote]

Haha thanks. I guess people like my stories because they always say that.

[quote=BurninDavyn]Liked the story a lot! Maybe add in a few adjectives to describe the character's appearances early on, but overall a nice piece of work. Here's an updated version with grammar mistakes and a few added words thrown in.
http://pastebin.com/bnv2GeWN[/quote]

Oh my god, Davyn. I love you like the little brother I never had. Thank you for going through the entire thing and editing it! *tosses you a cookie*

and yeah, I really am bad with the whole describing thing. I'll add in some descriptions further on. If I continue it.

[quote=striker1333]I liked it! You might want to consider making an account on FanFiction.net, and posting your story there. Granted, it takes a day or two for them to allow you to post stories, but you generally get a lot of good constructive criticism from there, as well as posting it on a Maplestory community site like here.

That reminds me... I gotta finish writing the 5th chapter of my Maple FanFiction...[/quote]

Thanks! I already have a fanfiction.net account, I'll upload it there later. I'd love to read your story

Reply December 7, 2010
LimusocoBobo

I've almost been killed by DBs at Gallos before so this story hits close to home for me. I liked it.

Reply December 7, 2010
DualPirate

We're 5year olds, we don't use constructive critism

Reply December 7, 2010