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Grandparent advise

So is there anyone that lives with or who currently see's their grandparents on like a weekly basis? I live with my grandma and shes got mild Alzheimer's but honestly she's got the nastiest personality.....it's gotten worse as she's now forgetting things and honestly I get that and understand it's not her fault....but there's night's where she'll refuse to sleep and she's up till 4am....and everyone in the house suffers because of it in the morning as we're going to school/work and dealing with our regular life. Sometimes when you try and correct her she'll have a fit and blast you and toss things around without really giving a dam she'll cuss at you and say some really messed up stuff and you kinda just stand there and go did that just come out of your mouth? (shes 87)....when she doesn't wanna eat she'll legit toss her food to the floor =____= and food takes awhile to prepare....we all try and help to our best ability....and now the talk is coming where a lot of us are being affected by it...other family members won't help out and what else are we to do? I know my parents would feel bad putting her in a nursing home...but...even I am starting to loose my cool now >_< and we've gotten into some serious fights...anyone in the same boat? Or can offer and advise?

February 23, 2015

8 Comments • Newest first

tiesandbowties

[quote=Tashie]@tiesandbowties yeah its hard though cause someones always "busy" shes got 7 other kids and maybe 3 of the 7 actually care enough to do something? It's quite sad and shes got this grudge against one of my aunts cause she's forever blaming her for the death of my grandfather =_= and he passed away because of a stroke.....at this age she just makes things up in her head...and for her what ever's in there is the truth and can't be anything else but that.....she doesn't care about other people but herself and it's true she's a pretty selfish person... and it's sad to see....there's people here doing so much for her and it's so hard to watch my parents go through it everyday without so much as a thank you from her....its like when my aunt who comes over babies her she's the best person in the whole world.....and as soon as shes gone its like hell froze over o.o[/quote]

im really sorry to hear that's the current situation with your grandmother; sounds like a real pain. im not really sure what you can do at this point other than just going along with what she does and hope she somehow loosens up or changes given some time.

if i were you though, i would try to sit down with her and try to have a granddaughter to grandmother talk with her. what's the worst she could possibly do to you at this point?

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
simaini

this is so weird, the way you describe your grandma is literally the way my aunt describes my grandma. my aunt seems to hate everything my grandma does and says she only cares about her other kids. when my uncle comes over my aunt would be like this to my grandma "oh you only care about your sons. if they love you so much why don't they live with you instead" or something along those lines. i think my aunt is just jealous she doesn't have a job, but she does a LOTTTTTT of things for the family. my other aunt is a pharmacist and makes pretty good money and my angry aunt is just like "you only care about that daughter because she makes money" or something along those lines lol. and my angry aunt says "i do all this stuff but she don't even say thanks!".

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
Tashie

@tiesandbowties yeah its hard though cause someones always "busy" shes got 7 other kids and maybe 3 of the 7 actually care enough to do something? It's quite sad and shes got this grudge against one of my aunts cause she's forever blaming her for the death of my grandfather =_= and he passed away because of a stroke.....at this age she just makes things up in her head...and for her what ever's in there is the truth and can't be anything else but that.....she doesn't care about other people but herself and it's true she's a pretty selfish person... and it's sad to see....there's people here doing so much for her and it's so hard to watch my parents go through it everyday without so much as a thank you from her....its like when my aunt who comes over babies her she's the best person in the whole world.....and as soon as shes gone its like hell froze over o.o

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
tiesandbowties

[quote=Tashie]No I get it and I fully know it's not her fault but she's very persistent on going and living in a nursing home and I know how bad some of them can actually be and that's why we're hesitant on putting her in one....but honestly the language that comes out of her mouth and if you tell her shes wrong and she can't say things like that she'll flip at you; I work in Gerontology and I've never met anyone that behaves the way she does....but the sleepless nights are now starting to catch up on the others in the house and I can tell it's taking a toll even for me at work and getting 4 hours of sleep everyday isn't logical for me >_< I need more and the only thing I can think of is sleeping with earplugs at this rate =_=[/quote]

maybe a family meeting is in order? o:

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
Tashie

[quote=tiesandbowties]it's not her fault, try to understand that. she's trying to do all these things but her body and brain aren't cooperating and it's frustrating her.
just picture yourself in her shoes and be kind and understanding. that's the only thing you can do, you have to tolerate and be gentle.

i've volunteered at a senior home for two years in high school and the best way to communicate with the elderly is to show your genuine kindness and when they can see it they'll surely reciprocate it. most of the stubborn ones haven't yet swallowed the idea of growing old and not being able to be self-sufficient yet.[/quote]

No I get it and I fully know it's not her fault but she's very persistent on going and living in a nursing home and I know how bad some of them can actually be and that's why we're hesitant on putting her in one....but honestly the language that comes out of her mouth and if you tell her shes wrong and she can't say things like that she'll flip at you; I work in Gerontology and I've never met anyone that behaves the way she does....but the sleepless nights are now starting to catch up on the others in the house and I can tell it's taking a toll even for me at work and getting 4 hours of sleep everyday isn't logical for me >_< I need more and the only thing I can think of is sleeping with earplugs at this rate =_=

@Tranquil Yeah I get it 100% and with the horror stories I've herd aren't nice but there's trial programs here where you can stay a night or a weekend and see how it is....and they don't tend to your every need....she gets things done for here everytime she calls or everytime she asks...she's got a PSW who comes daily and sits and chats with her (she's even told off this woman multiple times)

@evyxx Yep I've tried honestly she's been here with us for like 7 years I try and mind my own business for me it's kinda hard to baby her and I feel like things should be said upright.....my aunt who see's her sometimes always comes over and babies her and treats her like shes a 2 year old...and she's not and she get's used to that and then when she's gone she expects that from us and we honestly can't give that to her....its easy for people to come and then leave but then we're left with the outcome of having to deal with it o.o

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
evyxx

GOD both of my grandmothers are absolutely infuriating, they're textbook narcissists tho and not that old and dont have alzheimers... just play nice keep your cool and dont take her insults to heart. keep conversations very light, you know, makeup and tv and stuff / dont give her anything to use against you

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
Tranquil

Sounds pretty rough.. Honestly I wouldn't want to put my mom in a nursing home, even if things were getting bad and I'm sure your parents are thinking the same thing. Its hard to let go of a parent ya know?

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited
tiesandbowties

it's not her fault, try to understand that. she's trying to do all these things but her body and brain aren't cooperating and it's frustrating her.
just picture yourself in her shoes and be kind and understanding. that's the only thing you can do, you have to tolerate and be gentle.

i've volunteered at a senior home for two years in high school and the best way to communicate with the elderly is to show your genuine kindness and when they can see it they'll surely reciprocate it. most of the stubborn ones haven't yet swallowed the idea of growing old and not being able to be self-sufficient yet.

Reply February 23, 2015 - edited