Selfish People
My cousin's funeral is being held on Saturday and I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with it. She was like an older sister to me growing up, and at 2 years older than me it's hitting me hard. I've lost someone in the past, my wifey to cancer and that was difficult but I had time to come to terms with it as it happened over time. This however was unexpected and just still seems unreal.
I don't do well with funerals and so I am unsure if I want to go to hers or not. So earlier today I was speaking to my Mom and I was telling her, well I may not go because I really don't think I can handle seeing my cousin like that. She turns the situation around and tells me, well what about me? I'm going and so you should too. Trying to guilt me into going. I love my Mom don't get me wrong but I have had to deal with a lot of burden from her illnesses growing up and even to this day, so it infuriates me that she would choose to be so selfish to get her way and not respect my wishes.
I was already torn between going or not going, knowing how my Mom's mind works I can see her using her mental illness as a tool to further guilt me into going. A tactic she has used with great success in the past. I would prefer to remember my cousin as a lively, loving smiling person than seeing her in a casket. I wish my Mom would understand that, but all she sees is the world through her view.
Not sure what to do at this point.
8 Comments • Newest first
As someone who grew up with a mom with a mental problem, I suggest that you do what you feel is best for YOU and not let yourself be guilt-tripped into doing anything you don't want to do. You might burn a bridge or two but sometimes doing that is the best option.
Sorry man. I didn't know.
People will have different ways of coping. They may not accept it or understand it, it may be seen as insensitive or whatnot, but if this is how you want to do it, IMO I don't see what's wrong with it even if others will think differently. I know for a fact there are others who felt the same way that you did and have also done the same thing - I've been to a few, but I myself skipped out on a funeral of a friend of mine long ago because I had the same feelings you had about the whole situation. It wasn't an issue of not caring; really it was an issue of caring too much. Funerals can be very tough, and that environment doesn't always make it any easier to deal with what happened.
One thing to also consider is that others are going to be easily more upset, if only because the impact is still being felt since it wasn't too long ago. The reactions you are currently getting become enlarged when viewed from that angle. I believe in retrospect, if you do decide to skip the funeral, it'd be a lot easier to explain yourself some time after they've been able to fully cope, but not right now.
You know what's best in this case, since it's all about the context, which only you know and have.
You don't have to go. If it's too much for you then don't bother going to your mom's funeral too when she's gone. Somethings are better left the way you want to remember them by. It's better to trick your mind into believing into something rather than see the truth. Just like those people who go to church. Jk
I'd suggest that you go , but that's just my opinion. I feel like going will make you come to terms with it more instead of just dealing with it and inevitably having a worse break down later on.
But that's just my opinion.. ultimately it's up to you.
Don't go
only person i'd think of in this situation is the cuz.
when y'all spoke did she ever tell you what she wanted at her funeral? i usually talk about that sht with some of my friends, i lost 2 and didn't attend either of their funerals. surprisingly most of them say the same thing you do, "if you died i couldn't see u in a casket, i rather remember u thru the good memories." i know most of the people that probably attended their funerals never even sat down n had dinner with their family, so it don't matter about who attends the funeral. all about what u n ya cuz know.
u know her better than us, u make the call. rip
@andreaverilia: I go see my Aunt everyday after work and hold her hand for hours while she cries. Attending a funeral for 1 hour isn't showing support. Being there for her day in and day out is.
Wait who has been there for me my entire life? My Mom? I wish that were true. Having the title of Mom doesn't actually make you one.