Approaching a girl for the first time
Help me Basil! Y'all are experienced with women, right?
I've got a Chemistry lab this semester with a really attractive and (seemingly) dorky/playful/easy-going girl. I've never had any classes with her before, so I don't know a single thing about her. When I noticed her on the first day of class, I remember thinking to myself "Gah, she's so attractive..." I figured I'd admire from afar, but I'm just smitten at this point.
During our first class together, I caught her staring at me during one of the professors lengthy explanations. We both made eye contact, and quickly glanced away out of embarrassment (I think... at least I was). This went on several times throughout that class.
We had our second class together yesterday, and the same thing happened again! As the professor droned on and on about the lab process, our eyes started to wander and she and I eventually made eye contact - again, one of us breaking away as soon as the other noticed. After this happened 3 or 4 times, I thought about smiling or waving the next time it happened, but I ended up not doing anything (all the regret </3).
At the end of that class, I had an opportunity (sort of?) to say something to her, but I failed miserably... As she and I walked out, she said "Freedoooom~ ! " and it caught me off guard and all I managed to do was laugh under my breath like an idiot. >.<
What can I do to create rapport with this girl? Introduce myself, get on a "Hey, [name]! How're you?/How's your day been?" basis? I was thinking that next class (before it starts), I'd ask her about the lab report that's due that day, or what she thought of the first lab we did, or her opinion of the professor, or.... something class related just to initiate a conversation, y'know? But I don't want to leave it there, so maybe shift the subject away from school and onto the weekend - plans and activities and such (Our lab is on Thursdays, so it's closer to the weekend).
I'm in desperate need of advice, Basilmarket! I'm a dorky guy with poor social skills - I fail to make a good first impression. I feel that I can maintain a good social relationship once I get past the introductory stage. My goal is to form a relationship with this girl where I can get her number, and eventually lead into asking her out on a legitimate date (out side of grabbing coffee together).
Edit: So how should I go about approaching her? What should I say?
[b]Edit2: I feel that I should mention: No, I'm not interpreting the several instances of eye contact as a sign that she's interested in me.[/b] Rather, I really would like something more than just admiring from afar. Two semesters ago, I never worked up the courage to talk with a girl I was interested in (ironically, she's the lab partner of this girl I'm not interested in! ) and I'd rather not do that this time. I'd rather take a chance and live with a rejection than the "What ifs".
13 Comments • Newest first
This doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me:
When I think about girls, I just try to remember that there's nothing to lose __not__ talking to her, but __everything__ to gain if you do. I mean, what's the worst that could happen if you talk to her? She laughs and walks away. And that's it. You never talk to her again, and you move on with your life.
But what's the __best__ that could happen from talking to her? You find out she's an amazing girl, she finds out you're (hypothetically) an amazing guy, and you guys start going out and get married.
Is the fear of rejection really worth losing what could be the best thing in your life?
Go up to her, tell her she's pretty, and ask her out to lunch or coffee. Girls love that.
And remember, be confident. Girls love confidence.
Edit: My italics and bold aren't working. Help please? :c
"Hey I'm @Capricious and my favorite color is [insert favorite color]."
It's very easy once you stop putting girls on a pedestal. :^)
Wait for a school activities and them mention it like... ask her if she likes going to those stuff. If she says yes then tell her you also do.... tell her how fun it is when you went, if you are one of those hikikomori then just lie about it and then mention something like hey maybe we should hang out sometime, I should prob take you next time... if she says yes then thats it you got it. Just find time and schedule your big date. If she says she doesn't like those kinds of stuff then you probably know she isn't the right person for you. You got that bro?
@Capricious: yeah, I kinda figured you would've moved near her by now if you could. So if you can't get close to her in that class, then you might have no hope there.
Sounds like a fantastic idea to ask about the pre-lab stuff. You could do it when class is ending if you can catch her out the door, or something. Maybe you can walk with her to wherever she's going next too, just talk, ya know. A lot of the female friends (aka old crushes) I've had, I started talking to pretty much walking through the hall. It works.
So yeah do the library/coffee/lunch thing. I'd recommend lunch if you drive or you can get somewhere.
@fradddd: I'd love to sit next to her! However, this is a lab class, and so it takes place in like... a room with no seating arrangements - rather, just long desk-workstations. We also kinda have assigned/assumed positions now, so idk if I can move without making up some bs excuse like "the blah blah isn't functioning at this station. Should we move?"
We already have lab partners (as I mentioned, ironically, she's lab partners with the girl I used to be interested in, LOL). Mmm, the only way I can partner up with her is if her partner happens to miss a day... even then, I think she'd be more inclined to work with this one group comprised of two girls (they seem to know one another from other classes).
I was thinking that once (see, I didn't say "if" - I WILL talk to her! >.< I talk to her next class and hopefully it goes well, I'll ask her if she wants to work together to complete the lab reports/pre-lab reports @ the library, or over coffee/lunch or something. How does that sound?
"So how should I go about approaching her? What should I say?"
You start out small, saying hi, or commenting on what happens in the class. Try to sit near her.
REMEMBER to just talk to her like you would talk to anyone else. She is pretty much just anyone else.
If you can become her lab partner, do that. I don't know how your lab partner system works but hopefully you can do that.
If you manage to talk to her at least once every class, you'll probably start to talk quite a bit. Maybe flirt with what flirting knowledge you have, but don't do anything that wouldn't fit your personality.
After that, you can just ask her out to lunch or coffee or whatever. Also get her number.
And bro, I can totally relate to the regretful feeling. I went to ask out my crush like three times in the past month, and all those times I gave up, so I just texted her.
Send her a pic your d- ..nvm
Me personally (ive done before and it works) .. id simply arrive in class and sit next to her. Start some kind of convo about what ever the teachers talking bout.. personally, I caught my girls attention by muttering a joke about the teacher under my breath and a few people heard and burst out laughing.. her too.. from there on the rest was easy.. yall in the same class so getting her number under the excuse that we could study together and help each other out was just 2 ez... THEN send her a pic of your d- ....eh not worth the ban.
Oh and be confident dammit. Females dig that. I didnt ask for the number. I more like demanded it.. it went something like.. "blah blah.. k well ill just take your number and we can meet up tomorrow afternoon in the library" ..the extreme level of testosterone oozing from my pores made it impossible for her to deny me. She surrended that number and the rest is history.
Be an alpha male.
[quote=Dragon11]Be a man and straight up ask her to Starbucks! >.<[/quote]
This.
[quote=Dragon11]Be a man and straight up ask her to Starbucks! >.<[/quote]
I've given that some thought. I've never asked anyone to grab a coffee before.... so I don't know how common it is/if it's appropriate and acceptable to ask someone who I don't know at all?
Be a man and straight up ask her to Starbucks! >.<
[quote=LazyLazyLazy]If you can write a bunch of understandable words in a thread. Then I think you can surely approach a girl like that ritopls basiler[/quote]
Hey, thanks for the idea!
@Ritopls GET IN HERE, O'WISE ONE.
If you can write a bunch of understandable words in a thread. Then I think you can surely approach a girl like that ritopls basiler
I remember once for a whole quarter I thought this guy in class was cute but I didn't really feel inclined to talk to him or anything and then like 3 weeks before the semester ended he came up to me after class out of nowhere and started talking to me about if I had other classes after or if I go home after class or whatever. It was a really random approach because we never sat next to each other or talked in class but it didn't feel weird either? So yeah if you guys have eye contact and stuff then I think what you're planning is fine, just ask her about her day, whatever