General

October 11th 2012 - The End

Happy endings, well... they don't exist. I realized that today. For all of you who have been following my love life since grade 9 until grade 12, it has come to an end. After 11 months and 10 days we have finally broken up. [i]She[/i]. The love of my life. My [i]only[/i] love, one life one love. I honestly believed that [i]she[/i] was the one, and I was the one for her. If happy ever did exist... . Now that this has come to be I just want to express my feelings to the anonymous group of basilmarketers.

http://www.basilmarket.com/forum/2279839

[b]Part 28[/b]

October 11th 2012. This was the day we broke up on. It all started on our 11th anniversary, September 21st. I recently hurt my back from deadlifting as a newbie and we had scheduled a date to watching Finding Nemo in 3D. I fell asleep a few hours before our date and I ultimately bailed out on her. Yes, it was horrible of me now that I look back at it but I just thought I could get away with it like I usually do with the small things. Boy was I wrong. Naturally she would be angry and we talked through it. Outcome? Well, she basically thought this sort of attitude was going on for awhile not to mention how we did not see each other enough and that I just been playing LoL and replying really late, for [i]awhile[/i]. It was true. I'm not going to deny it, it did feel this way. I was too blind to notice this. I honestly thought everything was okay and just going perfectly fine with the small things in life that we did, I was wrong.

She thought about it hard and for awhile as well. She wanted to break up. I didn't. She tried to convince me with everything she had; saying it was better in the long run, she just didn't see a future with me because of several reasons (not meeting her friends, family and etc). I listened to everything and I begged crying that I was willingly to change for her. I was willingly to get out of my comfort zone in order to be with her. I WANTED to change, not because I HAD to but because I WANTED to, not needed. She's the love of my life. She just didn't understand me. I thought we would go so far in life, together. I honestly thought I would go through university with her, propose to her after we graduated and then marry her. She's the ONLY girl I will ever love. I don't care about your non sense and your reasons, I [b]know[/b] this as a fact. She was just so fixated on the fact that we would be better off in the future, if we ended it now. I was in shambles, tears, a mess. I eventually punched my wall smashing a hole to show my frustration and how serious I was about her. I asked her for a month, until our 1 year anniversary, to show her how much I can change and how much I indeed love her. She agreed. If I failed, I would leave without a fight.

October 11th, it has only been 17 days since then and I've progressed really well. I showed her how much I cared about her. I wrote her letters everyday, gave her a lot of time and attention but nothing worked. She saw how much I tried and she really did see my love but she didn't feel the same. She couldn't bring herself to be who she was before. She came over to study but I noticed she was feeling a little down. I questioned her and she said it wasn't good and it was grim. I asked her was it [i]that[/i], referring to the 1 month time I had left. She nodded. She told me everything; how she couldn't bring herself to be who she was and she just wasn't IN love with me anymore. I asked her 'Do you want to break up with me?'. She told me twice indirectly but I wanted a straight answer. 'Tell me if you want to break up with me' I said. She told me she did. During all of this, tears were running down my eyes in realization that it was [i]finally over[/i]. I agreed and reassured her I was a man of my words and surely I didn't put up a fight. She just didn't love me romantically any more to the point where she cared for me like [i]that[/i]. She packed her stuff and I asked her for one last kiss. We kissed. It was our last one. It felt like the longest time until she pulled away and gave me a hug. I just didn't want it to end. 'Kiss me again' is what I thought... of course I never said it. She exited my room and I led her to my front doors so she could go home. I told her that after you walk out my door I will never see you again or talk to you. I couldn't. I just can't bring myself to be friends with the girl I love so much, the girl I fell in love with, the girl that let me experience love, and suffer like that. I love her so much that I gave it my last try - my all, but it wasn't enough...but in the end I was willingly to let her go for her sake - her happiness. She acknowledged this hesitantly. As she exited my door and turned around, I said 'Goodbye, I will always love you and you will be my [b]one[/b] love, forever and always.' She responded that she would always be there for me, as a [i]friend[/i]. That's not what I wanted. Even knowing this, I will not be her friend, I just can't. As I closed the door I said goodbye once more as my tears finally started to stream again after realizing what has been done. Goodbye.

I will always love you Paula Tran, always.