I dont know what to do with my mom anymore
She's been so on and off, so unstable, it's ruining my life. I couldn't imagine anybody else's mother doing the things my mom does. She's so quick to judge, so quick to presume even the wildest things, and so quick to go off. She has been working hard to support my piano tuition fees (100 per lesson), and it does stress her out when I'm not performing at top-notch level. It stresses her out to the point where she could scream and thrash all around the house, all while throwing things and breaking things (which includes my metronone, sheet music, iPod, watch, etc..).
She does nothing but either look at me like I'm some kind of pile of fresh excrement, or regard me as the best child in the world, and that dynamic contrast seriously doesn't work for me.
It's taking bites at my mental health, with all the switching between personalities.
It's so confusing, so hurting, so hard to understand, and I can't get used to anything fast enough before she changes completely.
I've been trying my best to keep a head above the surface in life, to try my best and be something, do something,but it's like she can't even see just how hard I've been trying for her, to keep her happy.
I've been accepted to study at the Master Academy of Fine Arts in Toronto since age 12 (I'm now just 15), I've been accepted into the Drama program at Cawthra Park SS (regional arts program school), I've practiced piano so much that I've gotten my ARCT degree (performance) in 2 years and 7 months of lessons, I've almost always been on the honour roll in school for grades, and I'm a rep basketball player (captain and starting point guard), and am now slowly moving into the fashion and model industry as well (interview with modelling agency this Saturday).
All this I've accomplished for myself and to make her happy, because I know how much it pleases her to see me doing things and winning spots in life, and how hard she works to support me in these things, but she still doesn't know how to communicate like a well educated adult, doesn't know how to speak on equal terms with me, doesn't know how to manage and [i]control[/i] her temper, she still can't see what she's doing to me. She just can't see how often she's yelling at me or swearing at me for doing things I probably didn't even do.
And it's no use to talk to her about it. I've cried at her feet in the past, trying to put into words and explain to her just what I feel, but all she ever does is tell me to 'go find a new home, a new mom then.', or 'then why don't you call the police on me and have them take me away', etc...
I know this godforsaken website is the absolute [b]last [/b]and [b]worst[/b] place to go to for help, so feel free to just regard this as a rant. I've gotten used to this type of treatment. I've had to deal with it for years.
I'm just tired of it all.
EDIT: Don't get me wrong, I do know for a fact that she truly does love me very much and is doing all she can so that I can be happy with my future, but I just suppose she isn't necessarily able to control all of the stress she's hoarding in all the time.
EDIT 2: I smell amazing right now.
20 Comments • Newest first
This situation you have with your mom frustrates me because its not something I've ever had to experience. Not to be showy but my mom is probably the opposite of yours, she is always happy no matter what and when there is stress expected to brew from bad situations it amazes me how easily she gets over it; her appearance even shows it. The only problem with this is that I have a mom that wants me to succeed yet doesn't really push me to succeed. Instead its my dad that does it but its not extreme with swearing and bad treatment. With two parents who don't really put fire under my butt I've turned into someone who is lazy, easily distracted and spoiled. Even though you may worry about your moms emotions and how it impacts you, try your best to be happy and thankful that your focused and becoming someone who is worth something.
better get used to it till you move out. nothin else u can do
@Elleee: I'll send you some photos from my portfolio later, if that's what you want.
I've been there and done that. You're just young, and in a few years you'll be alright. What I've come to do is ignore whatever pushes you down and always remind yourself that it gets better because it does. Don't waste your time being a downer about this because it ain't worth your time. Smile!
[quote=JuiceBoxes] and am now slowly moving into the fashion and model industry as well (interview with modelling agency this Saturday).
[/quote]
highly doubt this but ok lol
BPD checkup?
Thank you for all of that, @Dulcette .
I sincerely appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
[quote=JuiceBoxes]Don't get me wrong,[/quote]
i got you wrong
I had a post typed out.. then I accidentally closed it when I started a league game.
Please know that you're not alone!
Although I can't say that I've experienced the same as you, I can say that the relationship I have with my mom is an emotional roller-coaster too. She yells, screams, swears, and breaks down at me all the time. And.. it hurts to see your mother like that and not know what to do, right? It's hard to see your mother stressed out and unhappy, especially as a teenager.
I just want you to know that it's not your fault. It isn't because you haven't accomplished enough; it isn't because you didn't try your best. It seems that you've been trying really hard to accomplish great things for her sake and to make her happy, and from what you've been saying, it hasn't really worked out. Sometimes.. that's just how it is. Just like you, I wanted my mom to notice how hard I was trying for her--I worked hard for awards, grades, and the like. Even so, she found something to be unhappy about and started yelling at me for not sleeping enough, leaving a cup on the table, etc.. I felt like I was never going to be enough. There's going to be a point where, honestly, you won't be able to do much anymore. Perhaps you'll become the CEO of a huge company, your mom will be extremely proud of you, and the next day, she's upset again. And.. yeah, it sucks. It sucks to have to see your mom angry, it sucks that your mom might not see how much you're trying, it sucks to have to be affected that way.
I think it's simple to say that another individual can't fill up the empty void of someone else no matter how genuine or sincere they are. It's every parent's dream to see their child succeed, and it sure as hell makes them real happy to see it happen. As you said, it gives your mom pleasure and your mom loves to see you accomplish great things. Who wouldn't be proud to have a child as hardworking, compassionate, and talented as you? It's hard to come by, and I honestly wish I could be half as hardworking as you. But.. as cheesy as it is, there's still a huge catalyst needed between loving something and having those strong feelings of pleasure trigger happiness and change in someone. The extent in which we can be affected by someone is limited--it's always up to us whether or not we want to take a step forward and be happy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is.. you don't have to push yourself this way. I understand how much you must want to see your mom happy and how much you want to make things right for her, but you don't have to sacrifice yourself and your own happiness for that. It's always frustrating to see someone we care about have trouble with themselves and their emotions, but there's really nothing we can do if they don't realize it and try to change it. Accomplishing so much will make your mom happy for a while, but it can't change her, help her control her emotions, or make her realize what she's been doing. We aren't superheroes; we can't change other people. As great as it is that you're doing so much for your mom, you have to remember that you can't live simply for someone else. Do these accomplishments mean anything if you're not making them for yourself, too?
I'm sorry this got kind of long. I just hope that things turn out okay for you. Please don't say that you're used to this kind of treatment. You don't have to be used to it, and you shouldn't allow yourself to settle like this. When your mom says something to you, instead of focusing on how you can make things right for her, think about how you can take her words and not let it affect you. Think about you can be okay even when she's unsatisfied. Think about how you can be satisfied with yourself and how far you've gone. Please take care of yourself first.
Oh, classic Asian tiger mom (I have no idea why this phrase is becoming a thing) huh? Well, it could be a lot worse.
At least she didn't cheat on your dad, force him to move out of the country, then bring the guy she cheated on him with over your house all the time while putting him higher in her priority list than you. :^)
[quote=JuiceBoxes]@Incomplete You truly do have a knack for comforting people. I don't know if you really meant what you said to me, but either way that comment still made me smile. Thank you.[/quote]
Keep smiling!
Although you can't tell, I really do mean everything I said. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, haha.
@luapxal344 thx
@Incomplete You truly do have a knack for comforting people. I don't know if you really meant what you said to me, but either way that comment still made me smile. Thank you.
Reading that made me angry 4 some reason. U make me feel like an old man.
Hi.
I'm not the best when it comes to giving advice, but I have a knack for comforting people, haha. My best friend is in the same situation and she called me about it a few days ago. We talked for hours and at one point, she made me cry too, so I thought I would just share some of the things I said to her.
I understand that you need her to be the mother who's understanding and there for you, especially now. I guess there's not much you can do about it, huh? Sometimes you just need to be your own, and accepting this fact just comes with the process of growing. The accomplishments that you make should first, make you happy and then second, make others happy. You've achieved so much, and maybe it's time to start doing it for yourself. Let me tell you right now that you are not allowed to be tired. You are not allowed to give up. Maybe you don't see it, but there are others who depend on. You may be an inspiration or a role model for someone because at the moment, that's what you are to me. And like you said, it probably is no use talking to her unless she finds her own self, but until she does, I really do hope you experience more good than you have for the past few years. Right now, she just needs you to be her son. You are an extraordinary person in an ordinary world and as an extraordinary person, you soldier on.
@HornyNippIes During piano practice, my mom is sometimes sitting right there watching me. I don't know, I'm more worried about her than me. She stresses herself a lot and it only makes it worse that she just goes on a roll once she starts. Her health is already subsiding.
@JuiceBoxes: So you're not away from your mom during piano or basketball practice?
And you don't consider yourself emotional after posting this on a forum for gaming purpose? If you weren't emotional, you wouldn't mind your mom doing all this stuff to you.
Damn, well, having all those talents and hard work will get you far and you'll be able to live on your own in no time.
My mom is the same, but I got out of there and went to my grandma's. Honestly a way better environment, I feel good here. I've been through the same thing you and everyone else who experiences this, it's better to get away. I left and my mom made it seem like she was alright, but I know she was broken up about it. I mean I hope she sees what she's done to me is wrong, I got an "I love you son." text five minutes after she left me here. So yeah, I hope it works. If it doesn't I still have a better place for myself, and my grandma really appreciates me and tries to spoil me. I don't like the feeling, but I'll let it happen! Only a little bit, because I'm not used to the treatment, and I'm really grateful to her.
[quote=HornyNippIes]It it makes you feel better, you're not the only one experiencing this. I get in fights with my mom like 3 times a week and that's why I'm not at home most of the time or I lock myself up in my room Skyping friends or something. I haven't found a solution. I think we're young and we're going through an emotional rollercoaster. I think it will get better once you're older.[/quote]
Unlike you lucky), I have no time to distance myself. Piano = 4-6 hours of my day, and basketball practice occasionally.
I would consider myself as anything but 'emotional'.
[quote=JuiceBoxes]
She still doesn't know how to communicate like a well educated adult, doesn't know how to speak on equal terms with me, doesn't know how to manage and [i]control[/i] her temper, she still can't see what she's doing to me. She just can't see how often she's yelling at me or swearing at me for doing things I probably didn't even do.
And it's no use to talk to her about it. I've cried at her feet in the past, trying to put into words and explain to her just what I feel, but all she ever does is tell me to 'go find a new home, a new mom then.', or 'then why don't you call the police on me and have them take me away', etc...
.[/quote]
It it makes you feel better, you're not the only one experiencing this. I get in fights with my mom like 3 times a week and that's why I'm not at home most of the time or I lock myself up in my room Skyping friends or something. I haven't found a solution. I think we're young and we're going through an emotional rollercoaster. I think it will get better once you're older.