General

i think you shouldn't have specified what things make you feel stressed. Just saying "after a long day in school" implies that there were a ton of things that when on during the day. also, the word 'shift' is really bugging me in the sentence...

[quote=Ickest]>gramertized

The fact that you think that's a word is enough for me to be against all of your opinions.[/quote]

lol, i was kidding

Make it less generic bro. "Nothing quite relieves the daily doldrums of exams, lectures and stress quite like a shift at the local bakery. Such a departure from the tedium of my life as a student evokes the same feeling of escape as a busy parent sneaking an hour or two at the spa; we both come out feeling relaxed and re-energized, ready to tackle any obstacle at hand."

Since the grammar dude on the first page already fixed the sentence, I'm just gonna say that you should keep your sentences short and sweet! Your sentences should not have too many adjectives and be straight to the point.

Reword it to "A shift at the local bakery provides me with a similar satisfaction of a busy parent at the spa, after a long day of classes filled with exams, lectures, and stress"

Something like that.
Put glue on it.
IDK

lol, jeez when u put it that way...i was provided with a deep satisfaction, similar to that of a petophile browsing google images.

lol im trying to say that working gives me some time to clear my head.

and this is for a college application, im trying to eliminate derpiness!

edit: above, clutch.

Paints a vivid story..

when i read it out loud it sounds about right, but i get this weird feeling that its not properly gramertized

yes it does.