Someone who is temporarily gay
Okay, so I need opinions on this scenario, just to make sure I'm not crazy.
My boyfriend (who claimed he was straight, then bi, then pansexual, now claims to be straight again) and I (Bisexual) broke up a while ago because he was always lying about stupid things. Anyways, while we were still dating, he told his mom that he was pansexual. His whole family is against homosexuality, so I was pretty shocked when he told his mom. She was super uncomfortable with it, and then told him a story about how she knew someone who was gay, and how their life was horrible because of their sexual preference. Once that person supposedly became "straight", their life suddenly got way better! Anyways, he once again claims he's straight and says that I'm the only guy he was ever with (which was a lie...) because I treated him nicely.
So, my question is: Do you think temporary homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. exists?
Personally, I've always been content with being bisexual, and I've always thought that people who change their sexual preference at the drop of a hat were full of it.
But, at the same time, I do understand that some people can be confused as to what they're into, so I try to be open minded.
Thoughts?
14 Comments • Newest first
I think his mom scared him into being straight.
obviously the mother took him to an exorcist and forced out the demons that were possessing him with those sinful urges
on topic - it exists, but that not mean that it is true for your friend though
[quote=iTempo]Hmm, interesting. Going from your longer post, I personally didn't think it was possible to sway feelings toward the other direction if one was gay, and went straight. I always thought if people did that, it was to make others happy[/quote]
Well a person might just identify as bisexual under those circumstances. If it's just to make others happy, I'd think that they probably aren't sincerely straight at all, and are just pretending to be in order to make their life easier (e.g., so they don't get kicked out by their parents).
[quote=iTempo]Well I just said early in life because from what [b]I've heard[/b], they usually know before they're adults of their "sexuality."[/quote]
Yeah, absolutely. I had my first crush when I was 4 or 5. And most people probably have some sense of their own sexuality by the time they are 14.
[quote=iTempo]Not to steal from this lad's thread, but what is your take on the following : Is someone born with different feelings?I.E Gay, Les, etc.. Or do you think it can be influence them early on in their life?[/quote]
Absolutely not born with them. I'm also of the opinion that things like gay conversion therapy are possible in principle.
And it's not even that they are just influenced early in life. They can be influenced later in life too.
Some people just need to experiment before they know what they want like you said in the last sentence. For example, maybe your ex went through all those sexualities because he was trying to see which one he liked the most or maybe he liked two of them the same amount but the pressure from his family caused straight to outweigh his other choice that he was on the fence about, you never know. Even if the guy is actually gay, bi, pan but in the closet about it then that means he's not ready to come out and the last thing you want to do is force someone. Also, look at it from his perspective! His family is against his sexuality which is already tough, would you want to live with your family harsh judging you for your sexuality? I definitely wouldn't. I'm not saying that it's right or fair because it isn't but he's probably doing what he thinks is best at this time. Sounds like he's pretty young so if he's still living with his mother then I totally understand why she has that much of an impact on him.
[quote=Anthorix]@Makoto:
i was confused until my art teacher said i would most likely love more people non sexually than sexually.
that was when i was just A-OK. i just stopped caring for anything sexually and just cared about people.[/quote]
Oooo I like that. Never really thought of it that way!
@MitaruMetaro
I get what you mean. I wish it was easier to see things that way, but sexualities are just something we've grown used to, unfortunately.
@Makoto:
i was confused until my art teacher said i would most likely love more people non sexually than sexually.
that was when i was just A-OK. i just stopped caring for anything sexually and just cared about people.
[quote=Anthorix]kekekeke i remember making pansexual jokes when i first heard about it in class. huehuehue pansexuals. hehehe
any person can love anyone/ anything (dolls cars wutever) so yah
and about which preference has better "luck" is ridiculous, but still involves prejudice of others which will affect a persons life and enjoyment.
temporary preference obviously exists because you mention it right here. =3=[/quote]
I personally feel like he changes (not literally, though; I feel like it's an act) his sexuality to avoid ridicule. I mean, when you take into consideration the other factors, it's hard to think that it's serious. But, because I've never been confused in regards to my sexuality, I wanted to get moe opinions and see whether or not I was jumping to conclusions. I just think it's dumb that all it takes for someone to suddenly stop being bi/pansexual because of a story their mother told them.
At any given time, people wanna bang what they wanna bang, for various reasons. Lettuce not sweat the small things.
This will be an episode of [i]Flexy Talks Sexuality[/i]:
I've often said "sexual orientation doesn't exist" in the past. This remark is always met with confusion. You say things like that enough, and people will start to look at you funny. I might spice it up and say "sexual orientation is socially constructed", but people would be equally as dismissive of that.
When I say that sexual orientation doesn't exist, I am making a very specific claim. It's not the claim that people aren't naturally attracted to others (since most of us know from our own first hand experience that we do indeed experience attraction to others), nor is it the claim that some menacing guys in a tower somewhere have plotted to set us up in our current sexual orientation distribution, and have somehow been conditioning us to be attracted to certain people rather than others.
The claim I am making consists of a few smaller claims:
1. Sexual orientation is a specific way of looking at human sexuality. To that extent, it is a human-made theory.
2. Sexual orientation is a poor way of looking at human sexuality, and it is rooted in a distinction between normal and abnormal sexualities, designed initially to oppress sexual minorities.
Additionally, I would put forth the claims:
3. Human sexuality is inherently fluid
4. The way that we talk about sexuality and the way our society looks at it (via sexual orientation) has an impact itself on how people identify (weaker claim) as well as the very first-hand perspective they have of their own sexuality (stronger claim).
actually I don't feel like entering into a long discussion about what this has to do with temporary gayness, so ima just tl;dr it:
Sexuality is fluid. It's perfectly possible (and not even necessarily bad or abnormal) for this person to experience fluctuation in his sexual preferences. There is a huge amount of pressure on us to identify as a certain sexual orientation, and this pressure can make us feel like we have to be accurately reporting whatever we feel at that particular time, rather than looking more broadly at the spectrum our sexuality is situated in.
Are you/is he serious? Temporarily gay?
In my opinion, he is confused or he knows what he is but because of the conflicting factors present (family, etc.), he is confused anyway.
I mean. It probably exists.
It's difficult to say anything doesnt exist. ya feel?
kekekeke i remember making pansexual jokes when i first heard about it in class. huehuehue pansexuals. hehehe
any person can love anyone/ anything (dolls cars wutever) so yah
and about which preference has better "luck" is ridiculous, but still involves prejudice of others which will affect a persons life and enjoyment.
temporary preference obviously exists because you mention it right here. =3=