General

i am constantly doing things to show i care. so when it comes to "special occasions" i just treat like any other day

one year is a huge deal so you have every right to feel upset that he didn't do anything at all. personally i'm bad at these things too or i can never make up my mind on what to do but your expectations are low enough. my dad jokes about him being the best gift to my mom but we always secretly go out to buy gifts and a cake anyway

your boyfriend needs to step up his affection game. let me hit you up with some love letters and yummy snacks

Am I really seeing people defend this person? I mean the crappy boyfriend, not you who wrote the thread. Like. It doesn't take a genius to get that all he freaking wants is a letter, something you don't have to buy. What could he write? I love you. I imagine after a year that's what you'd be saying at least.

It's not that hard, like Lenny Kravitz's dingaling. If you can't tell your significant other why they mean anything to you? You're in the wrong relationship. The fact he can't even write a letter, that's shameful.

[quote=audio]as a person who is also really bad about gifts/celebrations/anniversaries/whatever i totally understand your bf and i do think you're being a little harsh

i understand that you want to feel appreciated! but in my own experience i find it really really difficult to show appreciation in material ways. i really don't like receiving gifts either because i feel like a relationship doesn't have to be quantified by physical offerings. to me the best gift that i could ever receive is the simple reminder that a person loves/appreciates me, i don't need some sort of monetary manifestation of that
i also understand that giving thoughtful and creative gifts can feel really good & it's a very strong signifier of how important a person is to you, i totally get that. but to me it just feels like too much. i get that sometimes you want to share stuff with a partner or buy them something you think they'd love, and that's cool! but to attach to that this implication of "i'm giving you this gift solely because of how this date relates to our relationship and i expect the same amount of effort in return" can be really intimidating and suffocating for certain people

in short, your boyfriend doesn't love you any less because he wasn't able to think of some gift to buy you. i think it's important that you try to understand how he doesn't feel the need to buy you something just to show you how much he loves you. if you do all this expecting the same thing from him in return, then you shouldn't do it at all because you should buy someone a gift solely out of kindness & the desire to see them happy with this thing you bought them. if you're buying things JUST because of the date & turning it into some sort of ritual, you're not doing it for the right reasons

tdlr your boyfriend loves you, he feels that he doesn't need to buy you a gift to express how happy he is with you, you shouldn't buy him gifts if you're uncomfortable with the fact that he feels worse/differently about the idea of gift-giving than you

e: to add to this
'literally anything' is the absolute worst thing you could say to a person who already feels super pressured about buying a gift lmao. it is impossible to pick a gift that way because the expectation for something 'unexpected'/emotionally significant becomes so high (the strong implication with 'literally anything' is that you envision something small and insignificant that you never would have thought of and yet it means something, which is maybe the most difficult criterion you could ever think of). dropping hints about something super specific/straight up linking something is SO MUCH MORE HELPFUL

also, the fact that he was going through some difficult stuff a few days prior maybe means you could cut him some slack about not having much time to think about a good gift?[/quote]

I never said he had to buy me anything. In fact, I told him I'd prefer it wasn't anything he had to spend money on. "to me the best gift that i could ever receive is the simple reminder that a person loves/appreciates me" Yes, I agree, which, again, is why I said literally even him writing a little paragraph would've made the whole day better. Still not completely sure why you're making it seem as though I wrote he has to buy me something?
I said literally anything because he knows me. He knows that I'm literally the easiest person in the world to make happy. As for hint dropping, yeah, I did that. A lot. Just because I didn't want him to forget this anniversary like he did the other smaller ones. I dunno, I guess it's a deeper issue than I'm really willing to write out. As for the cutting him so slack, eeer, no. I'm always busy/stressed with work, but I still found time to ship out the things in the mail for him.

Generally, if people want to give gifts, the polite thing to do is accept. If someone wants to stretch to give a gift, that's their decision. There are people who like giving gifts and will do it for the personal satisfaction, which is something that should be respected.

[quote=makoto]Will you be my new boyfriend?[/quote]
alright but no planned gifts
i only do just because gifts

as a person who is also really bad about gifts/celebrations/anniversaries/whatever i totally understand your bf and i do think you're being a little harsh

i understand that you want to feel appreciated! but in my own experience i find it really really difficult to show appreciation in material ways. i really don't like receiving gifts either because i feel like a relationship doesn't have to be quantified by physical offerings. to me the best gift that i could ever receive is the simple reminder that a person loves/appreciates me, i don't need some sort of monetary manifestation of that
i also understand that giving thoughtful and creative gifts can feel really good & it's a very strong signifier of how important a person is to you, i totally get that. but to me it just feels like too much. i get that sometimes you want to share stuff with a partner or buy them something you think they'd love, and that's cool! but to attach to that this implication of "i'm giving you this gift solely because of how this date relates to our relationship and i expect the same amount of effort in return" can be really intimidating and suffocating for certain people

in short, your boyfriend doesn't love you any less because he wasn't able to think of some gift to buy you. i think it's important that you try to understand how he doesn't feel the need to buy you something just to show you how much he loves you. if you do all this expecting the same thing from him in return, then you shouldn't do it at all because you should buy someone a gift solely out of kindness & the desire to see them happy with this thing you bought them. if you're buying things JUST because of the date & turning it into some sort of ritual, you're not doing it for the right reasons

tdlr your boyfriend loves you, he feels that he doesn't need to buy you a gift to express how happy he is with you, you shouldn't buy him gifts if you're uncomfortable with the fact that he feels worse/differently about the idea of gift-giving than you

e: to add to this
'literally anything' is the absolute worst thing you could say to a person who already feels super pressured about buying a gift lmao. it is impossible to pick a gift that way because the expectation for something 'unexpected'/emotionally significant becomes so high (the strong implication with 'literally anything' is that you envision something small and insignificant that you never would have thought of and yet it means something, which is maybe the most difficult criterion you could ever think of). dropping hints about something super specific/straight up linking something is SO MUCH MORE HELPFUL

also, the fact that he was going through some difficult stuff a few days prior maybe means you could cut him some slack about not having much time to think about a good gift?

[quote=vietua]@makoto: idunno what to tell you bud
break it off or rethink your choices[/quote]

Will you be my new boyfriend?

@makoto: idunno what to tell you bud
break it off or rethink your choices

[quote=vietua]@makoto: Honestly, I wouldn't expect much from my partner and vice versa. A relationship is about developing emotions and I don't think a gift should define anything.[/quote]
It's a tradition with us. A gift, regardless of what it may be, is something that'll make the day different from all others.

@makoto: Honestly, I wouldn't expect much from my partner and vice versa. A relationship is about developing emotions and I don't think a gift should define anything.

@vietua
Er, definitely not the best logic.

You have a boyfriend.
Shouldn't that be enough?