General

How dumb is this story so far?

So I am trying to physically hurt people with this incoherent mess, advice on how to make it more pretentious or less coherent are welcome.

South Dakota. A warm summer morning. A man, Larry, sits comfortably on his rocking chair. With his trusty shotgun Lucile in hand, he carefully examines his surroundings. In the distance, the sun peaks its head over the surrounding mountain-scape. The birds, adding their chorus to the wind, in which the leaves dance. With every blow of wind, the grass shudders relieving it of its dew only for the ants and other insects to carry it off. The year is 1995, July 18th, 7:04 AM, Mountain Time. The temperature is a cool but nice 67 degrees. The rain had recently been absorbed into the soil, giving rise to earth worms and other deep earth critters. The birds fly overhead and see their prey. As the early bird gets the worm, these Red-necked Grebe indeed showed that phrase to be true.
While the Red-necked Grebe feasts on the worms, the hawk swoops in and shattered the tranquility. The family of rabbits fleeing from its screech. The hawk pulls away the youngest and is never seen again. However, off in the distance Larry sees the hawk give the now lifeless rabbit to its young. Furthering the cycle of life that dooms us all. Larry sits there and contemplates the world around him, but as he does so he smells a wonderful smell. Linda had just set out her award winning apple pie to cool on the window sill. Larry looks over and sees it, and then begins to think about the word sill. Never had seen it in writing before, but knowing exactly what it was troubled him. For all he knew, it could be spelled cill, syle, cyle or even sil. Upon reaching what might be a conclusion, his train of thought was derailed and violently crashed.
The crash was catastrophic and cost the lives of thousands, but more importantly, cost the government millions in damages. The evening was a hot 95 degrees, typical for Georgia. Two hours prior, the conductor Luke was working tirelessly before he became distracted by his surroundings. On his eight hour shift, he kept glancing out the window to try and figure what he was missing. The prairie grass danced brilliantly in the wind and the faint smell of peaches in the air reminded him of home. He longed to once again eat a home grown Georgia peach in his favorite restaurant in Atlanta. The toadstool bar and grill practically gave away their peaches, being so easy to take. As Luke fantasized about his soon to be peaches, he also began to notice that beside peaches and Atlanta there was absolutely nothing in Georgia. He looked once more to the dancing prairie grass, and that was all he saw. As he was considering changing careers into a more lively place, he did not notice the upcoming bend, and didn't adjust the speed. Change his career he should have, as the crash made headline news for the next 4 days, being one of the most destructive crashes of all time.
Larry however was fine, as he wasn't on said train. His concentration was broken when he saw the hawk yet again, go and try to take the pie. Linda saw the bird and shrieked in terror as her hours of cooking were going to waste. Larry contemplated whether Lucile would cause yet another death in the long line of countless other victims, but he relented. The bird destroyed and knocked over the pie, sending it to the ants below. As the circle of life continues, the pie was taken by the ants and fed to their queen. The queen was defeated by another queen, that queen is killed by an exterminator. That exterminator is killed by Lucile, and Lucile is eventually turned into rotted wood. But the exterminator isn't coming today, but next Tuesday where he will be met with a terrible fate.
Hours later, still sitting on his porch, in a comfortable rocking chair. Larry notices the rise in temperature, from a cool 67 degrees to a hot 88. The time is 4:36, and the location is still South Dakota. The hawk that had caused so much trouble in the morning is yet again disturbing the peace. The hawk at this point in time is trying to cause even more trouble by fighting other birds over territory. Larry decides he's had enough of the bird's insolence and disposes of it with Lucile. Larry remembers the first time he had shot a bird, many years ago. The year was 1978, Larry was but only a child when his father had taken him and his brother out hunting. The trip consisted of Larry aimlessly following his father's instructions, and his brother being obviously disinterested in the whole thing, rather being somewhere else. After many hours out in the woods, the boys and their father emerged from the brush, being welcome by a young Linda's peach pie.
Luke, woke up in the hospital with IV's stuck to his arm, and his other arm hand-cuffed to the bed. Unsure of why this was happening or what had happened to him, Luke called out for the nurse with panic. But to greet his shouts was no nurse, but rather Federal agents. After a quick explanation, his memories flooded back into him, how he became distracted and didn't pay attention to the upcoming turn. Luke realized if he told them that he was just day dreaming, he would go to prison, he would lose his entire life. So he began spinning a lie so confounded and ludicrous that you would have to be crazy to make it up. That, or you weren't making it up. Upon hearing his explanation, the feds called the secretary of defense, being taken in by the swindle. A full scale search of the wreckage was called in, and the pentagon was set to DEFCON 2. Larry sat in his comfortable rocking chair, with Lucile in hand. Smoke pouring out of the barrel, and what lied only a few yards away was a dead hawk, already being picked apart by everything else, as is the circle of life. After all, according to what Larry believes, what goes around, comes around. With that, he decided to put his plans in motion. He stood up from his comfortable rocking chair and walked over to Linda's house, with Lucile in hand.