General

E3 2013 highlights

E3 2013

>Nintendo conference
>Reggie walks on the stage
>talks about Miiverse
>talks about new features for Wii U and 3DS
>talks about new Mario
>talks about new Mario Kart
>talks about other games
>blah blah blah
>then
>Reggie gets serious
>we have a few major announcements
>first
>Retro Studios logo appears on the screen
>Retro announced they were working on a project
>"something everyone wants us to do"
>well here we go
>METROID PRIME 4
>STAR FOX UNIVERSE
>Crow goes wild
>new Metroid
>new Star Fox
>Nintendo fans everywhere ejacul8 spontaneously
>Reggie quickly calms the crowd down
>second
>Masahiro Sakurai comes on to the stage
>a video starts playing
>SUPER SMASH BROS. 4
>WII U
>3DS
>Epic trailer
>glorious new screens
>crowd flips their shart
>explosions everywhere
>people reaching critical mass
>and now
>our final announcement for the evening
>a special guest
>on the screen
>VALVE
>crowd simultaneously sharts bricks
>crowd crafts shart houses with the shart bricks
>and as Gabe Newell rolls onto the stage those houses crumble
>Gabe Newell
>Reggie
>Sharing the stage
>crane lifts a mic to Gabe's head
>forklift moves him to center stage
>Gabe is eating a whole chicken
>finishes
>downs a whole liter of coke
>clears his throat
>I've
>eats a sandwich
>been
>eats another sandwich
>working
>drinks more coke
>with
>eats some doughnuts
>Nintendo
>eats a bag of candy
>to
>eats some mac & cheese
>make
>pauses
>out of food
>ready to announce
>RICOCHET 2
>FOR WII U AND PC
>giant Ricochet 2 logo appears on screen
>crowd speechless
>critical mass has overflown
>hype turns to rage
>rage turns to anger
>anger turns to hate
>crowd storms the stage
>killing rampage
>Gabe and Reggie flee to safety
>angry E3 patrons kill everyone in the city
>as the news spreads to the internet nerds everywhere enter murderous rages
>Gabe and Reggie fly away on the world's largest Clown Copter
>Reggie says to Gabe
>our plan has finally been complete
>the new world shall be ours
>world lies in shambles
>people dead everywhere
>Gabe and Reggie rule the wasteland
>teasing the zombie like nerds with information about Half-Life 3
>society is destroyed
>Gabe and Reggie rule everything
>the only bodies that were ready
>were Gabe's and Reggie's