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My guilt is seriously bugging me

I need to vent this out.

I returned home from an exhausting school day. I went straight to my back yard and hung out with my awesome dog. He's running around, sniffing all over, and barking at anything that steps into our yard. Anyway, my bad eyes suddenly became accurate and spotted a HUGE grasshopper...it was HUGE. I have a little grasshopper phobia. I always think they'll bite me and poison/infect me with something. Yes, I know they don't have anything poisonous or detrimentally infecting. It scares me when the hop or move suddenly. I can tolerate jumping spiders but not damned grasshoppers! Still, I can't deny that grasshopper was magnificent and beautiful looking. It seemed innocent for some reason. Anyway, I went toward the insect. It quickly shuffled and turned toward me. My reflex was to step on it and kill it before it touches me. I made my swift step and stomped on it. Before completely taking its body's integrity from the stomp, I quickly lifted my foot and picked it up and disposed of it (buried it).

I am the type who would mercilessly murder flies or squash mosquitoes. As mentioned above, I have an odd grasshopper phobia-like thing. Despite that, I felt like crap the whole day for killing the grasshopper. It feels like I just killed a dog or something. I feel truly bad. Why does life of other people/animal/things seem to suddenly have a much higher value to me?

What about you guys, do you have little things the make you feel really guilty about it? Perhaps, killing a bug?

October 8, 2013

34 Comments • Newest first

xdarkshynobi

[quote=cyberdudelol]@xdarkshynobi: Sorry, took me a while to get back to you. I swear I meant to view this earlier, but I never got to it.
1. Just because you are from Cambodia, doesn't necessarily mean you know what it's like to cherish what you have. Don't over-generalize your statement by using the whole country as your back-up evidence. Because I am damn very well sure just because you are from Thailand, doesn't mean you have to know "how to cherish what I have".
2. How old are you anyways to have been through the Killing Fields of Cambodia? Hell I've been to Vietnam & such to help with assisting needed countries & I'm pretty damn sure I've seen & have been through (not implied here) messed up things.
3. I didn't call you stupid. Please show me where in my argument I even mentioned the word. None of my words associate with stupid either. So "watch what you say before you make yourself look dumb."
4. No one has complete control of anything that matters. I don't know why you keep pushing into these sub-topics. And you tell me I'm going on into things.

Yeah, this conversation is dead. Now that I've identified your flaws in your arguments it's done.
I don't care to argue anymore if you can agree to stop.
That's all I want to say. If you don't want to continue this.
Just tell me to "Piss off".[/quote]

Do you know what i do know? Wearing clothes i got from Red Cross. Going to school in these clothes. Living in a 1 room apartment with 7 people not including me. Going to church everyday Sunday as a child. Hearing story from my mom about how she watched her dad get shot in the head. Knowing my father sold his blood just to feed me as a child. Knowing my mom crossed the boarder of Cambodia and Thailand. She told me that there was a guide who knew a path that had no mines. Thailand which is where i was born in a refuge camp. You don't know anything. I send money to my relative that are still alive in Cambodia. I may have been far to young to remember all these events. That does not mean i don't know, what my family had gone through. I was raised by my mom who lost everything she had when she was 9 yrs old. Along with my Father who lived in a forest since the age of 15. You can't tell me anything.

Pleases reply, because i would like to see what you even have to say. You who has never had to starve, you who has never shared a bed with 4 people,you who has never had to sleep in a car, you who has the audacity to apologize for something petty than blatantly attack my life. Do you want to skype? I WILL SHOW YOU HOW ANGRY I AM.

Reply October 12, 2013 - edited
Reflexes

Doesn't seem that you have Acridphobia...you DID wanted to touch it and you proceeded doing it...

Reply October 12, 2013 - edited
cyberdudelol

@xdarkshynobi: Sorry, took me a while to get back to you. I swear I meant to view this earlier, but I never got to it.
1. Just because you are from Cambodia, doesn't necessarily mean you know what it's like to cherish what you have. Don't over-generalize your statement by using the whole country as your back-up evidence. Because I am damn very well sure just because you are from Thailand, doesn't mean you have to know "how to cherish what I have".
2. How old are you anyways to have been through the Killing Fields of Cambodia? Hell I've been to Vietnam & such to help with assisting needed countries & I'm pretty damn sure I've seen & have been through (not implied here) messed up things.
3. I didn't call you stupid. Please show me where in my argument I even mentioned the word. None of my words associate with stupid either. So "watch what you say before you make yourself look dumb."
4. No one has complete control of anything that matters. I don't know why you keep pushing into these sub-topics. And you tell me I'm going on into things.

Yeah, this conversation is dead. Now that I've identified your flaws in your arguments it's done.
I don't care to argue anymore if you can agree to stop.
That's all I want to say. If you don't want to continue this.
Just tell me to "Piss off".

Reply October 12, 2013 - edited
xdarkshynobi

[quote=cyberdudelol]@xdarkshynobi: Yeah no sh~t passion is good, but the way you applied it to seem like a you did isn't right.
Notice I said for the majority; I wasn't implying that I was better than you. I was just trying to calm your cocky attitude about being so all-knowing about what life & death is like & people like you need to calm down & realize that you didn't go through hell & now understand life & death.
And there you go again, rambling about stuff that isn't on topic of what we are discussing. Like I care you know shooting someone is going to take them down, so what? So you know a LIVE person is better than a DEAD one; what is your point from stating such obvious things?
I don't think you are a child, I think you are a bit immature & slightly over your head.[/quote]

Please step back and take a breathe. Over my head? I came from Thailand, I know how to cherish what i have. I KNOW THE KILLING FIELDS OF CAMBODIA. What does it matter to you how i view "MYSELF". What are "WE" even talkin' bout? You can't even understand the point i was getting at. You called me stupid. Watch what you say before you make yourself look dumb. Can you even understand what it means to have complete control over something?

I HAVE MERELY STATING A MOMENT WHEN I GREW UP. YOU GO ON ABOUT NONSENSE. Just an FYI to YOU this conversation is [b]DEAD[/b]

Reply October 9, 2013 - edited
mouse1996

[quote=trashed]good job on effectively wasting my time by making a pointless thread about you killing a grasshopper.[/quote]

You do realize that you wasted even more time by commenting. I mean like, how do you NOT waste time on basil?

Reply October 9, 2013 - edited
cyberdudelol

@xdarkshynobi: Yeah no sh~t passion is good, but the way you applied it to seem like a you did isn't right.
Notice I said for the majority; I wasn't implying that I was better than you. I was just trying to calm your cocky attitude about being so all-knowing about what life & death is like & people like you need to calm down & realize that you didn't go through hell & now understand life & death.
And there you go again, rambling about stuff that isn't on topic of what we are discussing. Like I care you know shooting someone is going to take them down, so what? So you know a LIVE person is better than a DEAD one; what is your point from stating such obvious things?
I don't think you are a child, I think you are a bit immature & slightly over your head.

Reply October 9, 2013 - edited
xdarkshynobi

[quote=cyberdudelol]@xdarkshynobi: Yeah... not what I was trying to say at all...
I was saying you put way too much passion into it when you typed your sentences out like that, hopefully you can see my point.
And I am not interested in your standpoint about life & death, so trying to talk about it to me was entirely unnecessary.
Lastly, if you think you know more about life and death than others (including me), you are probably wrong for the majority.[/quote]

Passion, is the only way you will make anything of yourself. You can say this and that. I was very passionate about what i said. Words can never be taken back. Only a fool like yourself would even think i was belittling you. Do you think i am a child? If i get insulted do you think i would just sit there? It was COMPLETELY necessary. That way you put yourself off as being "better" then me is just hilarious. I know all i have to do to take ANYONE down is shoot them. My morals keep me from cussing you out. A LIVE person will always be BETTER then a DEAD person.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
cyberdudelol

@xdarkshynobi: Yeah... not what I was trying to say at all...
I was saying you put way too much passion into it when you typed your sentences out like that, hopefully you can see my point.
And I am not interested in your standpoint about life & death, so trying to talk about it to me was entirely unnecessary.
Lastly, if you think you know more about life and death than others (including me), you are probably wrong for the majority.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
Exumaii

The things I sometimes look at on Tumblr

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
EggTree

its ok he was gonna die sooner or later

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
xdarkshynobi

[quote=cyberdudelol]Hopefully you've realized this by now, but you sounded pretty damn stupid by saying this. Sounds close to a wannabe animal-killer who thinks he sounds like a total bad-a~s.
I honestly couldn't picture anybody else saying this but a 8-year-old trying to sound really cool.[/quote]

You are very naive. Life and Death is not a simple thing. I merely stated a moment in my life where i grew up. I feel more remorse for animals, then people. People do things out of selfishness. What ever reason you had for tryin to make me look like a cruel person, it's okay. I know i am not perfect, thank you for reminding me.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
cyberdudelol

[quote=xdarkshynobi]I killed a pig with a gun. LOL SO FUN, 11 at the time. Another time parents bought BIG PIGs. Hog tied it, and Me and 2 other people hold it down, while my MOM STABBED IT IN THE THROAT. Felt it die. Did it to two other BIG ASS PIGS. Felt them die.[/quote]

Hopefully you've realized this by now, but you sounded pretty damn stupid by saying this. Sounds close to a wannabe animal-killer who thinks he sounds like a total bad-a~s.
I honestly couldn't picture anybody else saying this but a 8-year-old trying to sound really cool.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
xdarkshynobi

@Kazno: The experience doesn't compare to seeing a person get shot and killed. I am sorry you are so caged in. Hopefully you won't have to see a person die. The way the pig screamed as blood came out its neck. It was in pain, i felt this emotion i still can't explain to this day. Likewise when you see someone holding a bloody body ask, BEGGING for someone to save their friend. The pig had nothing left, except a few gasp of air. The least i could do was see it to the very end. I stated the event when i was 11 just because at the time i thought it was fun. Now i know much more. Killing is not fun. I learned a lesson that can only be taught with action.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
ILikeAnime

The only bugs I kill are mosquitoes and flies.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
Kazno

[quote=xdarkshynobi]O.o Why? People talk carelessly about killing. Yet Don't know the full extent of what it means to die.[/quote]

Well no offense but the post made you sound like a sociopath. Though it isn't a human you still didn't seem to show any sign of remorse for the pigs and you willingly held them down to be killed in a way that sounds really violent, plus you said that you FELT them die, doesn't that make you feel extremely uncomfortable? Sounds to me that it's something you enjoy...

I may be coming off as an ass but I honestly can't understand that.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
xdarkshynobi

[quote=Kazno]Really hope you're joking about this lol.[/quote]

O.o Why? People talk carelessly about killing. Yet Don't know the full extent of what it means to die.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
SodiumOH

Now your dog knows you're a cold blooded killer.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
Kazno

[quote=xdarkshynobi]I killed a pig with a gun. LOL SO FUN, 11 at the time. Another time parents bought BIG PIGs. Hog tied it, and Me and 2 other people hold it down, while my MOM STABBED IT IN THE THROAT. Felt it die. Did it to two other BIG ASS PIGS. Felt them die.[/quote]

Really hope you're joking about this lol.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
TheDStar

[quote=CombatPotato]insects = plague of the earth; kill them all pls[/quote]
But...insects are helpful to the environment

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
xdarkshynobi

I killed a pig with a gun. LOL SO FUN, 11 at the time. Another time parents bought BIG PIGs. Hog tied it, and Me and 2 other people hold it down, while my MOM STABBED IT IN THE THROAT. Felt it die. Did it to two other BIG ASS PIGS. Felt them die.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
YouAzle

I squished hundreds of ants with my finger..did not feel bad at all, little basturds invade

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
powerguy121

is there a pun involved here?
guilt is [b]bugging[/b] me HAHA.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
Pleb

Kill or be killed.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
harley123

I killed an ant and I felt so guilty that I said a prayer to God asking for forgiveness

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
TrueAtheist

It's probably a good thing that you feel guilty about it.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
Kazno

It's like killing a snail, I wouldn't do it and I'd feel bad about it, grasshopper probably even worse because they're so uncommon (for me at least, I think I've seen them like 3 times in my life?)

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
SnailStomper

I tried to kill a spider yesterday, but I couldn't bring myself to take a life. Am I a pucci?

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
yomamma1134

omg how r u not in prison dats murder

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
voyance

I didn't go up to touch it. I just looked at it. I guess it was my fault for getting close. I initially intended to "shoo" it away before my crazy dog eats it. I had to be decisive and kill it before it does something/nothing to me. I know what I've done isn't anything comparable to killing something that's defined to have more of a life in it.

No, not all bugs = plague of the earth. I'm not defending bugs here but people are the plague of the earth. I won't go around killing people now.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
momozzz

l accidentally stepped on a baby robin once and it died but l didn't feel any different.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
cyberdudelol

1) You are scared of it, yet you went to touch it
2) If you can't get over little guilt things like this in life, you're pretty much setting yourself up later in life to be screwed over by others & not taking risks

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
ballsface

You are as bad as those 3 women from the Phillipines who stomped a puppy to death.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
IKickCats

7/10 pissed off the user above me

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited
trashed

good job on effectively wasting my time by making a pointless thread about you killing a grasshopper.

Reply October 8, 2013 - edited