need help on positive living
okay so i just need some reassurance on what to do. or maybe i just need to tell someone some of these things so i feel better about myself. regardless just read please and help if u can.
i was in an unhealthy relationship on and off for almost 2 years. i was cheated on 2-3 times early on in the relationship and still stayed like a fool. She told me every time she did it, but cried and stuff and i just stayed like an idiot. If it helps Im 22, shes 20 atm. Anyways there was no trust in the relationship and as the relationship went on, I think she stopped physically cheating, but she still got really close to guys, and i would catch her flirting with them at times. Things like this broke down the trust more and more, until i became a psychotic insecure guy who always thought she was lying and cheating. I literally became that insane insecure boyfriend, (this isnt really who i am though, ive had another girlfriend for 3 years, and i am not normally a crazy insecure guy.) I always accused her, therefor pushing her away and also starting many fights. Constantly called her to make sure she wasnt w guys, blew up her phone, etc, I know i became insane....
Well we broke up so many times, (seriously up towards like 50 times), and sometimes she would hook up w a guy on our week break or whatever and we always got back and more fights started and it was just crap. I have never hooked up w another girl in our time together though. Deep down inside i really wanted to get out, but i just couldnt for some reason, and i was honestly never really happy anymore. I became very attached to this girl who didnt treat me right, (asides from the infidelity, she had anger issues as well and blew up on me once every 2 weeks)
Well when i break up w her she usually always eventually calls me a lot and begs for me back and cries. And as you can see it was honestly a terrible toxic cycle that i just couldnt get out of. Sometimes threats of suicide were used, she was very manipulative). But i became used to it part of me loved her, and the other part knew that i would die if i stayed with her. All the trust was gone and i became a broken man.
Well about a week ago, i broke up w her again, (like i usually do) because she started treating me like crap and she didnt really put up any fight to keep me. So i left and havent talked to her since. A week later, i see on facebook shes in a relationship with this new guy. This isnt too relevant but im assuming she was talking to that guy beforehand and was purposely treating me like crap so i would break up w her.
So this is where i need your help. Im still extremely attached to her and it was pretty heartbreaking to see her in a new relationship even though shes cheated on me multiple times. So i unfollowed her on snapchat and instagram, and i defriended her on facebook, because i feel seeing any part of her new life will destroy me. This is a good idea right? This is what i should be doing? And shes the type of girl that always jumps from guys to guys ( i was her longest relationship) and all her relationships fail, to the point where she starts hitting up new guys or old exes. Now if she hits me up again, I should honestly just ignore her right? Basically the best and healthiest thing to do right now, is to never talk to her?
I know i can never be in a relationship with her and shes toxic and manipulative. I doubt we can be friends later on. I would have to forgive her for everything to be her friend, but i dont think i can. But i should probably just drop her for life right? Would that be the right thing to do? To be fair I broke up with her a million times, and i wasnt the greatest boyfriend near the end of our relationship, but its hard to treat someone you love right, when they crossed you so many times.
So yeah i guess i just want your thoughts and feelings on this. Maybe its a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is for the best. I dont know help me out.
11 Comments • Newest first
I feel like she's taking you for granted. She knew that no matter how many times you guys break up, you will accept her no matter what. You are better than that.
I know it's hard to move on especially if you deeply care about her but your relationship is not going to be better unless she changes herself and respects you more. She is not the only girl out there for you. Do not lose hope!
You need to let her realize that you do not need her in your life because from the look of it, she's taking advantage of your "love" for her.
I suggest not to stay friends with her too, keep your distance from her, no contact whatsoever because if you don't, you will end up repeating what you keep doing (being on and off in your relationship) and it would not solve anything.
Hope everything works out for you
The best way to move on from the relationship is by focusing on you and forgetting about her. Cut ties completely. Work on yourself, make your environment positive by surrounding yourself with friends that you trust, exercise, focus on work/school. Easier said than done... I know, but wouldn't you rather depend on yourself rather than someone that abuses you mentally? Learn from this and be with someone that has far more self-worth and compassion. All the best
just got out of a relationship, wasn't as bad as yours.. but reading alot of places say the best way is to get them out of your system is delete everything. for me, i still love this girl, but i'm staying as the friend and it's tough. really tough. in a while she's thinks shes going to hook up with a friend of mine. and i feel if you ever stay as a friend, you'll always just be a friend.. i fluctuate between keeping a distance and getting closer with her, but now i finally need to keep that distance (since she wants to move on). in the future or whatever, honestly if you do still care about her, after all the awful you're going to live through, it's up to you to take that risk.
hey dude, if you wanna chat hit me up. i feel depressed as hell too. but you just gotta live through it.
Damn that song really does help.
Use your willpowerrrrrr
Never let a girl own you like that man, I hope you learn from this for future relationships.
[quote=swaznman]
She was half asian and half white.[/quote]
Not worth it.
This relationship sounds so toxic... Stay away from her, man. Even if it hurts.
[quote=swaznman]thanks a lot for ur support guys. i know i can never get back with her. But does that mean years later down the road if she reaches out towards to me, i shouldnt be friends with her?
And i really liked the song and video Liam. thank you
She was half asian and half white.[/quote]
maybe to catch up; just keep it at acquaintances because if you get too attached bad habits resume unfortunately
thanks a lot for ur support guys. i know i can never get back with her. But does that mean years later down the road if she reaches out towards to me, i shouldnt be friends with her?
And i really liked the song and video Liam. thank you
She was half asian and half white.
Was she Asian?
I need to know.
Dude you gotta stay strong and delete her in everything. It'll hurt like hell but it's for the best, specifically for you.
imho once someone cheats that's it for me because honestly you can never rebuild a relationship when something that matters to you so much breaks you and your trust. Don't you dare ever get back with her again it's just not healthy for either of you the reason you've gotten back together so many times is because there's so much history between you two and it makes it heavier trying to get on without [i]her[/i]; craving so bad for things to be like they use to be like how you use to see each other
but the reason you two are always breaking up is because you're reminded of the fact that things change and the bridge between you two is but a relic to what happiness once was. I know the silver linings cut like blades of glass & you just don't want to move on, but you need to. It isn't healthy damaging yourself mentally and physically bending over back and constantly worrying & checking just for this girl you've loved for so long. When obviously the feelings that you want so bad aren't there for either. Try to find someone new beyond the heart break to rebuild something better with another girl. Learn your mistakes from the past and make yourself better for the next time. If you need to talk I'm just a PM away, just try your best & hardest to keep yourself from contacting this girl it'll only pull you back to square 1...Trust me..I've been in something similar not too long ago. I wish you the best and the best thing you can do is make you & your ex happy in the long run.
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdbGXHwHAko]Here's a song that's helped me through the turbulent times like these...I really hope it can help you[/url]
Cheers.