General

why the fk are you clicking everything, don't know where royals are?

Shameless plug is shameless

So honest advice here don't take it hard.

The I love you all is only really applicable if you already have an established fanbase, if not just thank them and say their support means a lot.
Try being humble, don't say there's really good stuff there you're setting yourself up.
Saying hit the red subscribe button sounds demanding and intimidating already turns off people reading the thread. Try using softer wording like "if you enjoyed the video feel free to subscribe to my channel for more content!"

As for the video itself:
Intro is very loud and the music you played in the background is not only loud but also not fitting, one hair coupon is not a montage try something calmer or smoother with piano cello and violin.
Generally speaking a video is not needed to watch one royal hair but seeing as you did it things you could fix.
The 2 minutes you spent literally clicking on the wrong lady you should probably edit that out I guarantee a good amount of viewers left at that point.
Be more confident in your voice - you are very shy, speak into your mic with confidence make us want to hear you instead of being scared, people react negatively when they here people being shy if you close yourself off from your viewers they will close your videos.
Don't jibberjabber useless information we dont need to tell us you checked maplestory website and you saw a haircut you really wanted. Say "I got a royal hair coupon from marvel machine and I saw overgrown was in this weeks rotation."
Your outro is also very disorganized and has a lot of blank space.

I agree with @wall. Uploading your videos to Basil will give it more exposure, and it'll probably stay on the main page longer than if it were linked through a thread.
Only drawback is that it will take some time to be approved.