General

Some lessons from a life story

basil, I want tell you something that happened in my life and I'm really hurting but I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did and learn something from my story. There are some people you should avoid and sadly are extremely manipulative from the start and even though you love them you don't realize how much better your life is without them until all contact is broken completely.

I was in a long-distance "friendship" with a girl I met for about nine months. It just ended today. I fell in love with her, and I'm not exaggerating that I loved spending every minute of my time with her. She was highly intelligent, and quite accomplished in her own way, and that threw me off. I told her how I felt, and she reciprocated my feelings back to me, always saying that she loves me, but not "in the same way."

Now, so far it seems pretty normal and honestly, I wish it was, but read on. Before me, she had four boyfriends in the span of two years with whom she had sexual relations. She always painted herself as the victim in the relationship. And even in our conversations, the way things started off she was always interested in me and my life, would ask questions, talk to me about things other than herself, and I felt very loved. She was always very nice to me, but you know, things started to change. It started being less about me and more about her. Little by little, she would always tell me about her problems, and the conversation always became about her. It's hard for me to admit this, but I told her I loved her regardless of what she did, and do you know what this means basil? Yep. She used me as her crying pillow in her next relationship. As well as to vent about all her previous ones.

Whenever things would not be working out between her and her boyfriend, I.e. he would ignore her, she... would come crying to me. Literally. She would pour her heart out, and would respond super super quickly to everything, yet whenever I asked her how her day was or shared anything in my life about her when things were fine, she was extremely slow in responding. Soon she asked me for advice and I was helping her with her relationship problems, her essays at one point, and even her freaking applications. Yet you know, it is all my fault and I take responsibility for it. In fact...it gets worse. This pattern continued for three, read three, relationships of hers, all of which happened since we met, and when her last boyfriend cheated on her, guess who she came to? Me. She sent me pictures of herself crying and tbh I was so sad I cried too. I did everything I could to help her. But by this point I was so much in love with her that I didn't notice a thing about how bad things have become, because I was blinded by my feelings for her.

She would always tell me nice things and she was never mean to me, but she was only nice to me when she needed me. I remember she needed help with a programming assignment and apps, and suddenly she was so nice to me again and listened to me and was so quick and responsive, it felt like old times again. but you know, once that phase passed, she back to her old game and it felt like no matter what I did it would never be good enough.

It's funny because I'm very well accomplished in school, I have lots of friends, and great internships, but I felt more alone and miserable than ever. I felt like whatever I did wasn't good enough, and she would always give other people a chance and never me. It always seemed like everyone was so happy around her, except me. Rather than telling me off or being honest with me, do you know what she would do? She would be like "mkay" or sure or be nice to me, but in reality she would just ignore me and I was never more than a tool for her to use and then throw away.

Do you know what happened today, basil? The boyfriend who cheated on her started talking to her again, and she professed her love to him and they're back together. I know this now, but at the time I didn't and I told her that I loved her and that even after how she was treating me I'd always find a place in my heart for her and that one day I hope she'll let me in her life like i did. And after all that happened, guess what? she blocked me on everything and told me that she will never let me in, that it won't happen, never to talk to her again. And that she's nothing to me now. and never listen to her again when she's worried.

I feel like it was a really abusive relationship, and I can't believe someone is even capable of being so mean to someone else. I'm not going to talk to her ever again, and I feel broken and really sad. It really came out of the blue, even though when I write it out it's clear that there would not be any other ending. When I saw what she said today I literally just froze and had no idea what to do. I took a walk and just started into nothingness for a while. at the same time I feel relieved and like I can go on living again. I think that in the long run, she did me a huge favor because I wasn't strong enough to end the abuse when I needed to, and what started out as one of my happiest experiences transformed into a burden that weighed on me more than anything and I was really miserable. What I hope for you guys is that you will never ever be in the situation I was in, because tbh I feel relieved but at the same time extremely traumatized and kind of scarred. I wanted to talk to my friend about this, but he ditched me and idk what to do. I feel like crying and so sad. But you know, it'll be okay.