Help me find out how to word this to my girlfriend
I've been going out with a wonderful woman for the past four months now. She really holds my heart and i just don't think she knows it yet. I want to take the relationship to the next level so to say. We've already agreed that we aren't a sexual item yet so back off trolls. I want to be able to tell her I want to take the relationship up a notch but I'm lost on the words that dont sound cheesy or overused not to mention I want to tell her how much I love her. So to be clearer I want to now what are some good ways to tell her or show her I want to be in a much more serious relationship with her? <3
BTW she is kind of unclear on a lot of relationship things... I'm only her 2nd boyfriend, mainly due to the fact that she explicitly says she doesn't do anything sexual when she is asked out, which was perfectly fine with me .
27 Comments • Newest first
@romperz: Aww ^^ That's a good idea. If she trusts you, then she will believe what you are saying and she should not think that you are trying to rush her. After all, it is something she is already comfortable with. You can explain to her that you are there to help make these new things more comfortable for her - that you want to try new things with her as a way to grow closer together. I guess emphasize that you do not want to rush her, but that your I guess futuristic view of the relationship is a more involved one. Just tell her most of the things you said here. It sounds like you guys have a very healthy and honest relationship, and that that openness just needs to be expanded.
@muffmallow: Thank you for your help muffmallow. I honestly think she will respect needs too. She is a very reasonable woman. The hard part honestly is going to be how to phrase it in a way that doesn't look like I'm rushing her. I'm not expecting an immediate jump but even gradually is nice because the little things mean the most to a guy like me. I'm going to bring it up on valentines day which is the next time I see her alone =].
@romperz: Then at the very least, you should confront her about those issues. They're already something she is comfortable with, so I don't think you are in the wrong if you ask her to be more affectionate (in fact, it's more than reasonable). Maybe you can tell her that it upsets you sometimes and see if she will try to compromise. If she can't meet you more in the middle, the relationship might not be worth it for you because you guys are probably looking for drastically different things - and it WILL make a difference. But if she is willing to hear you and be just as sensitive to your (reasonable) needs as you are to her (reasonable) needs, then I think you have very good future prospects
@muffmallow =/ Its honestly really tough staying so patient her affection kinda plateaued after our second date. Its kind of 1 sided as of now truly speaking. I reach out to hold her hand, I pull her in to cuddle, but I will say she meets me in the middle for a kiss tho. It just seems like most things like that don't even happen unless I start them which is kind of offputting and discouraging. Then if certain subjects come up like marriage, or if she wants kids (not my fault, my parents cornered her) she kinda makes a beeline for the door or gets embarassed etc etc. I want to be able to talk to her about things like that openly. I think all I need to do is make the relationship more involved to make her more comfortable with me, which may be a tough subject considering she's a little sensative atm because she just found out her dad has multiple sclerosis.
@sonsofanarchy
I already have, but she is new to a long term relationship like this and probably is a little bit lost.
@romperz: Ok, that's fair and respectable. Allow her to take her time and coax her out of it - I mean really be persistent - not in a selfish way but in a way that urges her to try new things. I used to be uncomfortable with nearly everything but it was really mostly self-consciousness, and once I tried it once or a few times I had a lot of fun experimenting with it. I'm not talking sexual and non-sexual. But you're one of few who's willing to be so patient and understanding and sensitive, I hope she appreciates and recognizes that.
Tell her you asked a maplestory forum.
@muffmallow she doesn't want to get sexual because she isn't comfortable with it, and honestly I can respect that. Honestly at this point I'm being as affectionate as I dare be which isnt coaxing her out, our relationship is very centered on trust. She trusts that I won't make any kind of move that she may be uncomfortable with. I want to take it to the next step so our relationship will have a chance to progress, because as the relationship becomes more serious she'll gradually get more comfortable with me.
Ok. Well if you guys are in college, living in an apartment wouldn't be unreasonable. May I ask why she doesn't want to get sexual?
Well, you could try flirting with her or teasing her or being extra affectionate. And then get her in a giggly mood or something. And then find a way to bring it up. I would bring it up as if it were some innovative, inspirational/idealistic sort of dream, not like a serious or businesslike step forward. Maybe I'm thinking too movie-like but yeah. Like hold her hands and look at her and say futuristically "I want us to be able to tell each other anything, to be able to share everything together, to be more involved with each other" yeah you get the point. For whatever reason that's the scenario I'm envisioning. But it might not work with whatever type of relationship you guys have. Maybe you could get her to naturally do these things by doing it more yourself?
@muffmallow we are 20 but nothing like that would happen until I complete my education which will be done in 2-3 years
Ok, and how old are you guys? Aka how reasonable is it to talk about living together and marriage?
@muffmallow uhm read my post towards the topish of pg 2
So what exactly do you mean by making it more serious?
[quote=Ramunesun]Just straight up tell her that you want to be more affectionate and open
Drop some deep secrets about yourself first. Don't make her start.[/quote]
oh rest assured I have 2 things I want to talk with her about 1 not at all related with her and another that is however about our relationship nothing bad though
@theif9283 sadly I do and its quite lonely when you do yet she doesn't give much affection back, but thats just kind of how she is so instead of waiting I need to spell it out for her
Rather then telling her that you want a more serious relationship with her, just try to express your feelings more to her.
[quote=romperz]ATM we're both 20. Nothing like marriage or moving in would be happening for another few years tho because I'm more focused on finishing my education first. I think its almost easier talking to someone if you arent in a relationship with them because you aren't as frightened of them being put off.
@ above
very very corny, but got a great chuckle out of it[/quote]
Just straight up tell her that you want to be more affectionate and open
Drop some deep secrets about yourself first. Don't make her start.
Just explain how and why you love her and what you feel when your with her. Be honest. Tell her that you think your relationship with her is ready for an upgrade.
[quote=Ramunesun]What age bracket are you two in lol. Moving in and marriage?
also
"Are we at the stage of our relationship where we can share our deepest secrets with each other?"
like, why don't you just address the issues with her straight up?
I'm not even in relationships with people and they open up to me about really personal things.[/quote]
ATM we're both 20. Nothing like marriage or moving in would be happening for another few years tho because I'm more focused on finishing my education first. I think its almost easier talking to someone if you arent in a relationship with them because you aren't as frightened of them being put off.
@ above
very very corny, but got a great chuckle out of it
[quote=romperz]well she often doesn't show very much affection towards me, so that'd be a start. I want us to be able to tell each other anything. I want to be able to open up new ideas to the possiblities of moving in, marriage, etc.[/quote]
What age bracket are you two in lol. Moving in and marriage?
also
"Are we at the stage of our relationship where we can share our deepest secrets with each other?"
like, why don't you just address the issues with her straight up?
I'm not even in relationships with people and they open up to me about really personal things.
[quote=Ramunesun]oh
I just read thread title and skimmed
As Mang said, what more is there?[/quote]
well she often doesn't show very much affection towards me, so that'd be a start. I want us to be able to tell each other anything. I want to be able to open up new ideas to the possiblities of moving in, marriage, etc.
yes we kiss, ramune
[quote=romperz]were none of you reading ... I said I want a more serious relationship... not sex[/quote]
oh
I just read thread title and skimmed
As Mang said, what more is there?
have you two even kissed?
[quote=Ramunesun]"I feel like we're in the stage of our relationship where we should add a level of physical connection. I believe sex is the ultimate form of trust and the most visceral and raw shared experience possible between two human beings. As with any bond between two people, stepping it up to the next level like this requires an unprecedented amount of trust. I trust you enough to do this. Will you reciprocate?"[/quote]
were none of you reading ... I said I want a more serious relationship... not sex
"I feel like we're in the stage of our relationship where we should add a level of physical connection. I believe sex is the ultimate form of trust and the most visceral and raw shared experience possible between two human beings. As with any bond between two people, stepping it up to the next level like this requires an unprecedented amount of trust. I trust you enough to do this. Will you reciprocate?"
[quote=Shadology]Sex her.[/quote]
LOOOL
Don't ask her if you want to take the relationship to the next level. And please don't express your feelings. Just act and see how she responds. If you play your cards right she won't be able to resist you.
grab her shoulders and say you want to make babies.
it works every time
[quote=kaliar]Say lets get serious.[/quote]
"weren't we already serious?"
see the simple is complex when people don't have the same diction
... didnt I say no trolls