Is my crush crushing on me perhaps?
I apologize for the wall of text
So I've liked one particular girl for about 4 years in total on and off, but have never had the guts to tell her how I feel about her. So after about 6 years of letting those feeling fade, I believe she is out of my life because she is traveling the world and doesn't use computers a ton; she messages me saying she is back in town and that I should come to a rainbow gathering her friend is hosting (rainbow family not rainbow as in homosexual). The feelings were gone and I just wanted to catch up because she probably had some wicked stories. I turned out to love the rainbow family lifestyle and now those feelings are returning. Anyways, I started getting suspicious because I'd start looking around the room and I would find her looking at me then kind of turn away. She'll also kinda be playful with me, She'll poke me, sort of run away, and I'll give chase. Whenever I am talking, she looks me straight in the eyes and she'll often start a conversation with me just for the hell of it, which I haven't seen her do that with anyone else yet, not to mention that she giggles like crazy. She also keeps stating that this community needs to kidnap me. This weekend right before I left, she gave me a ton of hugs and said, " I love how you don't even know how cool you really are". BTW, I do have to mention that we are awesome friends and have known each other for 16 years. What do you guys think? I'm kinda feeling the signals that I should tell her but I want to know if you fellow basilers have any opinions.
18 Comments • Newest first
[quote=Eshnolat]Wrong how, exactly? As in... "a friend who wanted to be more than a friend but she didn't want that so they couldn't be friends anymore", wrong?
As someone who has also had issues with that thing going wrong more than once, I'm going to nudge a little.
She may like the idea of you and her, but still not think it worth the risk when she could lose this person that she admires. At whatever level, she very clearly admires you.
If you have to put a person like that, who has those kinds of issues, in a position where she has to make a decisive yes or no commitment, even with something as innocent as just directly asking if she has feelings for you or wants to date or something, it's most likely she'll give you the answer that is the safest for her.
Just... be wary. If you can help it, avoid saying anything that implies a decisive committed answer.
Things like this are usually better done... organically. A bit indirectly. To her it will feel much safer because instead of shooting over the borders of Friends/More you can skirt the edge and you can both decide at an easy pace if that's where you want to go, while keeping any feelings of rejection at a low.
Of course all relationships are 100% YMMV and I don't know her or you. But food for thought.[/quote]
Wrong as in the relationship changes for the worst once they actually date. I want to tell her how I feel, understand if she may feel that way too, and not force anything decisive on her. I'd prefer to ease into something that is on the down low really. I don't want a commitment but the relief to know that she knows how I feel and have that weight lifted off my chest. She knows I'm still friends with most my exs and understands that I don't let things like that get awkward.
I decided against the indirect route for one reason. It leads to insecurities and I'd not like to put her through that.
[quote=heartofachamp]no thats how womin are, they build you up only to poop all over u[/quote]
i think you're in the wrong subreddit
[quote=romperz]I'm going to bring it up, I just need to talk about it before I travel back up to the community. [b]I know she will not bring it up because she has a lot of issues with that kind of thing going wrong.[/b][/quote]
Wrong how, exactly? As in... "a friend who wanted to be more than a friend but she didn't want that so they couldn't be friends anymore", wrong?
As someone who has also had issues with that thing going wrong more than once, I'm going to nudge a little.
She may like the idea of you and her, but still not think it worth the risk when she could lose this person that she admires. At whatever level, she very clearly admires you.
If you have to put a person like that, who has those kinds of issues, in a position where she has to make a decisive yes or no commitment, even with something as innocent as just directly asking if she has feelings for you or wants to date or something, it's most likely she'll give you the answer that is the safest for her.
Just... be wary. If you can help it, avoid saying anything that implies a decisive committed answer.
Things like this are usually better done... organically. A bit indirectly. To her it will feel much safer because instead of shooting over the borders of Friends/More you can skirt the edge and you can both decide at an easy pace if that's where you want to go, while keeping any feelings of rejection at a low.
Of course all relationships are 100% YMMV and I don't know her or you. But food for thought.
@romperz: Well all I can say is good luck dude. I'm dealing with something similar at the moment so I feel for you.
[quote=AveryMBII]@romperz I really do understand where you're coming from because I am generally that way as well. Unfortunately not saying anything at all will get you nowhere unless she brings it up first, which tends not to happen a lot.[/quote]
I'm going to bring it up, I just need to talk about it before I travel back up to the community. I know she will not bring it up because she has a lot of issues with that kind of thing going wrong.
u r reading too much into it
@romperz I really do understand where you're coming from because I am generally that way as well. Unfortunately not saying anything at all will get you nowhere unless she brings it up first, which tends not to happen a lot.
@romperz what @coolman808 said is also a very good strategy
Rainbow Family/Women?
Could you say more about that? I've never heard of them before.
If you're more patient than the most patient of saints, then maybe she'll make a move first. Some time. Eventually. Maybe.
Fortune favors the brave.
She may not feel the same way, but you'll never know if you don't find out.
Just try to hang out with her 1-1 and see how the mood progresses. Gently test the waters and see how close it gets.
There should be plenty of room here to find out without things having to get weird.
ask for hand job
[quote=assumptions2]Smack her butt next time she walks by you
This is the ultimate test of attraction. I wish I was joking, friend.[/quote]
Not going to happen bub. She is a very hands off person unless you are her boyfriend.
Smack her butt next time she walks by you
This is the ultimate test of attraction. I wish I was joking, friend.
[quote=AveryMBII]Like everyone else says it might be, but it also might not might be. The only way you can find out is by TALKING. Do something and get results. Even if they aren't the results you want at least you will have closure and in turn no regrets.[/quote]
Talking is one of the things that is difficult for me, I'm a very quiet guy. Then again, She keeps saying that its really cool how much I can say without saying anything.
Like everyone else says it might be, but it also might not might be. The only way you can find out is by TALKING. Do something and get results. Even if they aren't the results you want at least you will have closure and in turn no regrets.
[quote=heartofachamp]no thats how womin are, they build you up only to poop all over u[/quote]
Just FYI heart, the women of rainbow are way nicer than that. They are very loving and kind. Even the men show a great deal of kindness to each other, being macho there is unappreciated.
@crsvooby Another thing, She acts like a mother figure to everyone there, except me *shrugs*
Just tell her god damnit ... How hard is it? Why do you even ask on a 12 year old filled website that will probably tell you what I am telling you?
maybe, just wait
no thats how womin are, they build you up only to poop all over u