General

I went to the store to buy 6 cans of sprite

....only to realise when I got home i had picked 7up.

and other lame jokes

Johnny and Ruth are riding bikes. Ruth hits a tree. Johnny continues ruthlessly.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?
They turn off their Xbox

Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them!

A farmer walks into a lawyers office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
Farmer: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
Attorney: "well do you have any grounds?"
Farmer: "Yea, I got about 140 acres."
Attorney: " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
Farmer: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
Farmer: "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Farmer: "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wears it to church on Sundees."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
"No sir, we both get up about 4:30am." replies the farmer.
All out of ideas the lawyer asks "Sir, is she a nagger or anything?"
The farmer says, "No, she's a white gal, but our last child was a nagger and thats why I want a dayvorce."

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