General

Im sorry, but stick it out for this last year. If you report him, he'll could be arrested and your custody will change. This whole year will go out of wack and you'll have to change schools, most likely (assuming you have no family members close to your current school). Also, the issue of college will be difficult since you won't have your dad to pay for it anymore.

I don't know your exact situation, but I'd tell you to stick it out and avoid him as much as possible.

No one said you couldnt fight back when the circumstances are asked for. He may be your father, but you are his daughter. Just because hes much older and bigger, it doesnt give him the right to beat you especially when its unreasonable. I come from a culture where parents beating children are normal. But even the people from here say it is not right to beat a child out of unjustifiable rage. My dad use to abuse me too until my early h.s years. Not until I got defensive and fought back did he know I wont be his punching bag.

@NoCookieforYou: But it's hard for me to leave, I can't exactly support myself and I just don't knwo what to do. I've asked my friend to ask her psychologist on possible things that I can do so I'll be waiting for her reply.

I know staying won't be a good idea... I know that it's my fault for staying and continuing the abuse but it took me this long to finally understand thanks to random strangers on Basilmarket.

Oh, how old were you when you left her if you don't mind me asking?

I think I have a bit of co-dependence in me... Sometimes I would be annoyed at my little sister and tell her off but most of the time I'm really nice to her. I don't want to become like him it's just horrible... If I do I'll hate myself.

What's worse is that my dad hates me the most. He loves my brother (btu still tells him off, he's 19 now) and my little sister (she's with my step mum now I haven't seen her in a few months but will soon I think...) but he's always pinpointing every problem on me and I just HATE it.

I know this might be hard for you but honestly the best thing to do would get help by either reporting this and/or finding somewhere else you can live. It's not right for him to put you through this and get away with it. Nor is it right for you to have to be put through this. I'm sure it affects your health physically and mentally and you should probably intervene it before it gets really bad /: I seriously urge you to get help soon. Don't hold back. I understand that it might be hard to let go of your father but he's only going to cause you pain and suffering and in time after you do leave him it won't hurt so bad knowing you've left him. I had to leave my mom 3-4 years ago for similar reasons. So please get away from him somehow /: What good will staying do? I really do hope you make the right decision. Oh and just as a warning, girls who have abusive fathers as a child often become co-dependent and end up in abusive relationships themselves in the future. Don't let that happen and if you start noticing you're becoming co-dependent then get therapy. Sadly i'm pretty co-dependent myself but I think I've found someone who can help me with that.

Edit: I really feel like i can't stress this enough.. please please please get outside help and do something about it soon. You might regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. DO NOT wait until it get's bad enough to report it. Report this or get outside help before real damage is done. Please. Do it for yourself and you'll be thankful you did later on in your life.

Thank you, I don't mind I'm not expecting everyone to be seirous about my situation.
I just wanted people to share their stories of themselves or people they know but it ended up being a thread mostly about myself lol

@zeltic99 Maybe not on Basilmarket but I think the anonymity of the internet makes it easier for a person to let out this sort of information that they're to scared to in real life, and allows them to gain emotional support and the courage to seek more professional help. At least thats how I see it.

@uphailure Just glad I could help in any way. And I don't mind the add.

@sakurarose8955: Thank you, I REALLY truly appreciate your help. I'm sorry for taking up your time haha sleep well! I hope you don't mind me adding you. :-)

[quote=uphailure]Thank you all for your help, I really do appreciate it and it has given me more ideas on how I should approach my dad's anger.
I'm extremely reluctant on telling anyone but I'll try my best and approach someone when I've mustered the courage to do so.

I should do something about it... It is affecting my life and I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore but I guess it is best to do so.

Thanks for sharing, it makes me feel so much better that there are people who are in similar situations or no people who have been (not that it should be a good thing...).

@IdkMaiName: NOT the best idea.[/quote]

I know it is terrifying to get something like this into the open, but things will start to change for the better once you do.
I'm glad that I could help you even the slightest bit. I'm just worried about your safety thats all. You deserve to be in a home and have a relationship with your father that isn't abusive and doesn't cause you grief.
Its 6am now so I really need to get to bed. Just wanted to make sure everything was okay here before I did.

Sorry I live in Australia.
Thanks anyway I appreciate your help, really. :-)

I guess I have trust issues and I can't tell anyone I know.

Try rebelling. That's what I'll do anyways.

Thank you all for your help, I really do appreciate it and it has given me more ideas on how I should approach my dad's anger.
I'm extremely reluctant on telling anyone but I'll try my best and approach someone when I've mustered the courage to do so.

I should do something about it... It is affecting my life and I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore but I guess it is best to do so.

Thanks for sharing, it makes me feel so much better that there are people who are in similar situations or no people who have been (not that it should be a good thing...).

@IdkMaiName: NOT the best idea.

[quote=Fate0]Give him a fatal injury and watch the blood drip out, you'll love it. [/quote]

reminds me of that one movie with madea lol. "if your man abuses you, make him breakfast. Make him a bit old pot of grits and than throw it on him"

@uphailure : Please don't take my tone personally but imagine me as the girl you met in a cafe or something that you told this to... and that girl is trying to slap some sense into you. Again, if it's harsh, don't hate me.

-

The one mistake girls make in relationships is "I think I can change him! I know I can!". In this case, it's your dad...

This is the time in your life where you have to start looking out for yourself. As it is now, your father isn't exactly looking out for your best interests. God forbid you had a younger sibling living there to experience this sort of hell and you're not doing anything to stop it.

If you don't do anything, at best he'll just continue to abuse you and you'll just live miserably. Honestly what will time really do? If you waited enough time, what would you think would make a spark appear in his head that will all of a sudden make him a caring, open, and supportive father? At worst, he'll probably do some permanent physical or emotional damage to you that could've been prevented. If you really want to change your father for the better, this sort of healing requires outside help.

I know you're afraid but clearly you need help. You're asking for help here. You want help from other people.

So the solution is simple: [b]get help[/b]. Just go and do it. After what you've shared with us, there is no doubt in my mind that you need outside assistance.

If your cousin cares about you, this "burden" you think you'll put on her will mean nothing if it means getting you in a safer environment (and I'm sure she'll agree). You're 17 so you're definitely smart enough and capable of standing on your own, you just need to take the initiative.

Don't think you're too young to do anything. Growing up doesn't happen magically when you're 18 or 21 or when you're married; it's a process. It's really up to you whether or not you want to start growing up now or when it's too late.

I don't want to sound so negative but seriously.... just objectively look at this situation you're in and tell me with a straight face that you think this should keep going on... if you can't, then do something about it. Do [b]something[/b].

[quote=uphailure]@sakurarose8955: So did she end up leaving? Yeah he really does have issues, but I don't want him to go to jail for it or osmething. I just want him to get help.
@HolyDragon: I dunno I'm confused myself LOL
@Effinjoog: Yeah I guess so... But I don't want to leave my brother either he has schizophrenia and I think it would be best for me to support him when he feels down because I'm really the only person he talks to. I see, I've been living with my cousin for the past few weeks because my dad has been overseas with his new wife and it has been great over here. I don't get abused, I kind of feel happy. Until he came back.[/quote]

If your brother is in good condition (as in he isn't abused in the same way) than there is nothing wrong with leaving him behind for some time to ensure your well being. He would understand as a brother that you weren't happy and were being abused so you had to leave. Its not like you would be permanently separated from him. Trust me when I say, if you leave behind someone who abuses you, they will miss you eventually. That is when you will find out if they are willing to change themselves for you or deserve to be left behind and forgotten.

@uphailure: Yeah. One day she felt like her life had been threatened and called her cousins, got us together and got us out. She filed a police report and they took photos of the bruises and marks my father left on her, and they arrested him later for domestic violence. Then her cousins drove us to their house and we stayed with them for awhile.
I believe that mom said yes when she was asked to have him arrested or not. Its hard to say the conversation between her and the cop is a bit of a blur and I was sitting with my siblings. So I believe that you can ask for him not to be arrested but still if he is leaving marks then I would get those photographed and recorded by authorities.
I know you don't want anything bad to happen to him but you honestly have to get this out to get him help. Get some help from your cousin as well. Family is there for support you're not a burden to them.

@sakurarose8955: So did she end up leaving? Yeah he really does have issues, but I don't want him to go to jail for it or osmething. I just want him to get help.
@HolyDragon: I dunno I'm confused myself LOL
@Effinjoog: Yeah I guess so... But I don't want to leave my brother either he has schizophrenia and I think it would be best for me to support him when he feels down because I'm really the only person he talks to. I see, I've been living with my cousin for the past few weeks because my dad has been overseas with his new wife and it has been great over here. I don't get abused, I kind of feel happy. Until he came back.

[quote=uphailure]@HolyDragon: Clearly :-(
@sakurarose8955: Really? Why do regret it? I'm just really scared and I don't know what to do I'm kind of scared that it will just escalate everything and yeah... My dad won't like it if I told the school. Not at all.
@Effinjoog: Wow that's really inspiring.. It almost makes me want to report him...
I don't know... It's hard...
@arlongpark: Ohh I see, but I dunno about that yet I can't exactly support myself.

I feel like a huge burden to my cousin if I was to ever stay with her. She already has a lot to deal with.[/quote]

You never know how your cousin would feel unless you ask for help. My family actually has a friend of my sisters living with us currently. She had an abusive husband and divorced him. Her family is in India while she is here in the US so she is staying with us since she has no one else here. She is really not an inconvenience at all because she carries her own weight. She cleans after herself usually and is not a loud person so she doesn't bother anyone at all. You could always at this point get a part time job to help your cousins family if you really feel like you are intruding.

I'm not sure what you mean by your reply, if you were admitting about needing a good friend or the dead end, but I'll offer sakurarose8955 to be your friend.

[quote=uphailure]@HolyDragon: Clearly :-(
@sakurarose8955: Really? Why do regret it? I'm just really scared and I don't know what to do I'm kind of scared that it will just escalate everything and yeah... My dad won't like it if I told the school. Not at all.

I don't know... It's hard...[/quote]

I regret it because me not speaking out only caused my mother and my siblings more years of abuse before my mom finally got away from him.
I know you're scared because I felt the exact same way. Yes it will escalate things but you need to start these sorts of things before any change can happen. Your father has anger issues that need to be professionally dealt with. You can't continue to be his punching bag it isn't healthy for you or him. No your dad won't like it if you told the school but you do need to think about whats best for you in this situation and that would be to request the help of someone who has the power to help you out of this abusive situation.

@HolyDragon: Clearly :-(
@sakurarose8955: Really? Why do regret it? I'm just really scared and I don't know what to do I'm kind of scared that it will just escalate everything and yeah... My dad won't like it if I told the school. Not at all.
@Effinjoog: Wow that's really inspiring.. It almost makes me want to report him...
I don't know... It's hard...
@arlongpark: Ohh I see, but I dunno about that yet I can't exactly support myself.

I feel like a huge burden to my cousin if I was to ever stay with her. She already has a lot to deal with.

dang he really ruined a few lives. theres always the hope to change people. every sinner has a future. dont ever let yourself get broken down because of him cuz thats when the hope will die off. by dorming in post secondary he means that you could live in residence if you go to college so youll be away from him.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So, stay strong.

[quote=uphailure]Many people have called me dumb or stupid because I haven't told anyone "who can help". That just makes me not want to report it even more. How old was he when that happened? I'm 17 right now and I can't exactly support myself... I have a cousin I can live with but I don't want to burden her... She understands how bad my dad is so she really really hates him. If not all, most of my family hates him. [/quote]

My friend was in high school when he cut ties with his mom. He DID have his dad still but he passed away a couple of years ago. He is pretty much on his own now and doing fine (in his 20's which i dont think is very old). If you really wanna see how much your dad cares and if he is worth staying in touch with, than leave as soon as you can. If he doesn't have you around and he misses that, than he will eventually ask you to come back or at least spend time with him. Thats when you say that you won't unless he changes his act. You might not have enough money to live on your own yet but you can always get a scholarship and dorm in college. Or go with that cousin for as long as you can. They will not feel burdened if you pull your own weight around the place. And you can never tell, they might want to help you.

I've been in this situation before, so I know the fear and frustration that comes with an abusive parent. The best thing for both you to do, for both you and your father's health, is to tell someone. I wish I could go back in time and get help while I could have. It would have saved me along with my mother and siblings so much pain and grief and I kick myself for not.
Talk to someone you trust either another family member or a teacher/counselor you really trust. If it gets really bad then I would suggest a police report. What's important is that your dad gets help for his anger issues, otherwise this will continue to happen not only to you but possibly the women he gets into a relationship with.
Sorry if my thought are all over the place. Its 5am over here. I do feel strongly about this sort of topic and I don't like to hear about other people being hurt.

You just need a close friend who will be there to listen and support you. From my point of view, it looks like a dead end without money.

[quote=Effinjoog]Nothing can happen unless you do something. There might come a time where he WILL do enough damage to effect you permanently in some way. I have a friend who had a mother who constantly kept going back to drugs. He eventually just left her behind before she had too negative of an affect on his life. She still calls him every now and than but its not to see how he is doing or hang out with him, but to ask for money. Some people can't be changed no matter how much you want to change them.[/quote]

Many people have called me dumb or stupid because I haven't told anyone "who can help". That just makes me not want to report it even more. How old was he when that happened? I'm 17 right now and I can't exactly support myself... I have a cousin I can live with but I don't want to burden her... She understands how bad my dad is so she really really hates him. If not all, most of my family hates him.

@HolyDragon: My friends are pretty unhelpful, they can't exactly do anything about it. Some of them have been telling me to report to the school but I don't know... Usually he's not SO bad. When we're normal we don't talk all that much...

Anyways, you will need a good friend who you can continuously confide in about your problems, not a public forum; which is decent for outside advice.

[quote=uphailure]@Effinjoog: Thanks! Maybe if he makes me angry enough I might actually report it to the police, who knows? I'm just scared what my life will turn out like haha.[/quote]

Nothing can happen unless you do something. There might come a time where he WILL do enough damage to effect you permanently in some way. I have a friend who had a mother who constantly kept going back to drugs. He eventually just left her behind before she had too negative of an affect on his life. She still calls him every now and than but its not to see how he is doing or hang out with him, but to ask for money. Some people can't be changed no matter how much you want to change them.

[quote=arlongpark]sounds like both your parents have a problem. id get a job and start saving money to move out asap. im not experienced with this kind of thing but i think its better not to be around people like that[/quote]

I guess I really hope for the good in people to come out... My mum became broken after how my dad treated her so I kind of understand why she's like that. Apparently (all my family members have said this to me) she was a really good person but he effed her over.

"dorming in post secondary to escape from family."
I don't get what you mean?

If you are really motivated, there's always dorming in post secondary to escape from family. There might be loans that can help you move out, you have to research on that. I know why calling the cops isn't a viable option. The only thing you can do right now is to vent and listen to music.

sounds like both your parents have a problem. id get a job and start saving money to move out asap. im not experienced with this kind of thing but i think its better not to be around people like that

@Effinjoog: Thanks! Maybe if he makes me angry enough I might actually report it to the police, who knows? I'm just scared what my life will turn out like haha.

since you don't exactly want to leave him behind, theres nothing you can do. He won't change at this point if thats the way he has been all his life. So if you would rather not leave him the first chance you get, than good luck.

@lololZombiedogs: He IS my dad afterall. I dunno it's just really confusing I don't know what to do. I can't live with my mum because I don't know where she is and what her number is. She doesn't want to see me either way, when she has a chance to see me, she doesn't take that chance and just continues gambling. (She lives in Perth, I live in Sydney, we're on opposite ends of Australia)

@HolyDragon: I can never imagine myself to be like him...

Well okay then. Make sure you don't become co-dependent and end up in an abusive relationship in the future then.

[quote=arlongpark]ok nvm that changes alot of things. i thought your mom died or something and he was heartbroken and doesnt want to lose you. now i can see hes just an asshole. id just avoid him as much as possible. i doubt hell change much if hes acting like this as a grown adult[/quote]

It's funny because HE was the one that took me back from my mum. Why did he do that when all he is going to do is abuse me all the time? That's what I don't get.

@UltimateOne: I hope you're joking LOL.

ok nvm that changes alot of things. i thought your mom died or something and he was heartbroken and doesnt want to lose you. now i can see hes just an asshole. id just avoid him as much as possible. i doubt hell change much if hes acting like this as a grown adult

@HolyDragon: The thing is I want to keep a relationship, I guess I like the idea of a 'happy family'. If not happy, at least content. I'll give him a chance to see if he'll change, when I'm older and he's still like this I don't think I can handle it

Leave him when you can.

@arlongpark: It's his fault for leaving his wife (my mum) all the time, he was too busy having fun in Vietnam to bother staying with my mum when she gave birth to me. He didn't give a crap about her or anyone, only himself. I don't know what you're trying to imply.
@lololZombiedogs: I don't want to... I guess I'm too nice lol. Oh and that question is something not even I can answer. I'm not a perfect person but I've never done anything considered so bad to the point that he would hate my guts.

walk a mile in his shoes first. from what youve told me i can somewhat tell why hes acting like this