How to balance relationships?
Hey.
So apparently I've been spending too much time with my girlfriend and that must somehow mean I've been blowing off my friends (when I haven't been), they've gotten a little bothered by this so I want to try make things right. I'm confused because they invite me to things when I've already had plans for that day beforehand so I can't just ditch the people I was meant to be with for them, is it right for them to be upset about it? I bring my gf sometimes to hang out with them but it's different because they seem to distance themselves a bit so I'd stay close to her since she doesn't really know them that well. She doesn't exactly have a close group of friends like I do (and she wants to have one), that's why I feel bad if I just went to hang out with them alone, so I bring her along sometimes, but yeah it's a lot of effort.
I really enjoy spending time with my gf but there are occasions when my friends just invite me out on bad days and they might just keep thinking I'm not wanting to hang out or make an effort with them. What do you guys recommend I do?
8 Comments • Newest first
Thanks heaps @swaznman and @WontPostMuch
I'll see what I can do.
Basically, this is just a part of life. Of course your girl will take preference over hanging out with your bros. That's just how it is when you get emotionally invested with someone. So here's where the factor of age comes into play. If your friends are old enough to have been in at least one invested relationship, they'll know what it's like and understand that your time isn't the same as them when their single. Reaching out to them and making plans with your friends in advance is a good way of maintaining your friendships. It may be a bit more effort for you, but if you want to ensure a healthy relationship with your old friends, it takes that extra work.
If your friends are young (<16) or just immature and with little perspective, there's a good chance you may lose them. That's not that bad. Just work on finding new people who will not take offense at the choices you make. It may be a bit rough, but chances are you outgrew your friends if this is happening anyway.
This is a really hard one. But your friends should understand. When my group of friends were younger and one of our friends was the first to get a serious girlfriend in highschool. We would get so angry and jealous because he couldnt spend time with us, and he was always with his girl. And theres nothing wrong that. If you made plans with anyone, then they should come first most of the time regardless if its your girlfriend or friend. Eventually your friends should catch you on a day where your free, or try to make plans with you earlier.
I dont know how to help you on this one, but your friends should understand. You might start getting hit up a bit less, cause you always seem to be with your girl. But its a sacrifice. When i had my first girlfriend, lasted 3 years, i spent great time with both my friends and girlfriend. She gave me lots of space and such.
Then my last girlfriend of like 2 years, was really bad. I always hanging out with her (nothing wrong with that), but when i would hang out with my friends, she would be needy and make me leave my friends early to hang out with her (she didnt have a lot of friends). I ended up always ditching plans w my friends or flaking and leaving and being lame. She eventually got some friends and totally started flaking on me when we had set plans. So it made me angry because i always put her first. This isnt relevant though.
Basically dude hopefully your friends understand, plans come first, and enjoy the time w both your gf and friends. Its hard to integrate your girlfriend with your friends, but hopefully they can both hang out and have a good time. Good luck, and realize that your friends may start to hit you up less. Its a part of life.
set out days for your friends & other days for your gf whether you tell either about this is up to you
but yeah at least that's what i'd do; keep both in check but separate.
I'd hate to be the dude always bringing my girlfriend with friends when it just makes both parties a little less fun ya know?
@ox0Shad0w0xo
Yeah okay, thanks!
@Irony
I do that sometimes but they don't seem to be available, they're pretty hypocritical which is why I find this to be a bit annoying. It's only 2-3 of them feeling like this so it's nothing major but yeah I might just stop caring if they can't understand or make an effort.
@NoobCake But if she's your girl, she's not a hoe, so that logic is flawed.
@OP Just explain to them that they can't spring plans on you last minute if they expect you to come along. My friend used to call me 2-3 times a week asking me if I wanted to hang and if yes he'd be there in 10 minutes. Which was fun, 2 or 3 of us would play games at home or go shoot pool or something. Good times. But once I got a girlfriend, his timing always fell on the days I was spending with her, so I had to turn him down a lot. He didn't take it hard though, he understood. Some days he'd catch me free, some days he wouldn't, just the way it works when part of your free time is dedicated to another. He's married now so whenever he pops up short notice his wife is usually with him too. Doesn't bother me, still cool to hang out.
Long story short, just tell them you really like this girl and you're not going to cancel plans on her if they ask you last minute. But if they ask you ahead of time you're up for whatever. There's really not much else you can do about it.
Invite them and make plans with your friends instead of waiting for a day where they invite you and you're busy
Bros before hoes, you'll learn this the hard way.