My parents have decided to split
I won't go into much detail, but after another fight my parents have decided to go their seperate ways.
My father has gone back to his parents and my mother is staying here in Auckland. I've been told that my father plans on selling the house (We have a unit on the side of our house which belongs to my Nanna and Poppa so they'll have to move out) and that he is going to his parents to sort out what he is going to do. I've never thought of my father doing such things, but I can't help but worry that this is what is actually happening. Being myself, I am always full of emotions and my mum has this way of thinking that this is life; if it happens, it happens. I obviously don't feel that way because I've just been hit by this life-changing news and I'm being expected to act so calm about it - like I'm expected to just smile and nod as my family breaks up right infront of my eyes.
My question to you basilers: Have you ever gone through something like this? Do you have any advice to offer me or others that have suffered or are suffering through something like this? How did you feel when you received the news? Afterwards? What did you do to get through it?
I'd appreciate if I received mature and serious replies. It's quite a upsetting time for me so I'd appreciate some support.
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[header=0][b]Thank you everyone![/b][/header]
I would like to thank everyone for their great advice and unbelievably helpful support. I can't explain how good it feels to know there are people to talk to that have been through or are experiencing what I am going through now.
I'll leave the thread open just incase people need some advice from people or people have additional advice to offer.
I will be sure to take everyone's advice into consideration as I face the tough times ahead. Again, thank you everyone for your support.
18 Comments • Newest first
I would like to thank everyone for their great advice and unbelievably helpful support. I can't explain how good it feels to know there are people to talk to that have been through or are experiencing what I am going through now.
I'll leave the thread open just incase people need some advice from people or people have additional advice to offer.
I will be sure to take everyone's advice into consideration as I face the tough times ahead. Again, thank you everyone for your support.
[quote=solha977]My parents aren't split, but my father lives in Korea for work while I live with my mum and my sister in Canada. While sometimes it is hard without having a fatherly figure around, I guess you sort of "get used to it". But a son needs his father, for sure. I'm only 13 and still growing, but you'll pull through it no matter what happens. [b][i]Hope for the best, prepare for the worst is what I live by.[/i][/b][/quote]
Great words, I must say.
that sucks, i was afraid my parents were going to split when i was a kid. they didn't speak for 3 months.
they eventually got through for the sake of me and my siblings, and now they're happy again.
it was pretty rough on me since i had lots of self problems.
[quote=Caelestys]I've been through it. all I can say is, have a good attitude. you might think 'wtf, why the hell would I'. but really, it's better than being sad and always having your mind on it. hang out with friends, get your mind off it. that's how I got through it c:[/quote]
Thanks I don't think maintaining a good attitude is stupid but it will certainly be difficult.
[quote=IshiMoshi]My parents were on the verge of splitting due to honesty and trust issues. They fought nearly daily and it didn't progress any further until my brother and i stepped in. My mom and dad kept away from each other entirely for almost 3 months. Since i was raised to be more independent, i got used to cooking and cleaning taking on the most of the house-hold roles of the entire house. Eventually, my parents talked and worked it out, but obviously this doesn't occur to everyone. Now, i'm just glad that my family is still in one piece, but from my experience my only advice is: Don't ignore it.
Yes, it's painful and it hurts to face your problems, but putting on a fake face and lying to your friends about how "you're doing perfectly fine" is not the way to go. Don't let it get the best of you and think about your parents needs. If it has gotten to such a drastic point where they can no longer stand next to one another, then it would be of their best interests to split. You have to consider their happiness's as well. I'm sorry to hear about your family troubles. Best of luck![/quote]
Every time they fight, I just hide in my room and just ignore it all. It certainly wasn't the best idea but I was thinking what to say to them, but it just wouldn't come out. It was just hard to go up to them when they were arguing.
@Everyone: Thanks for all the support.
My mom stole me from my dads when I was 6 and I woke up in the house I (semi) live in now, note I had never been here before so when I woke up I was a bit disorientated. Im now 16 and their divorce has yet to be legalized.
[quote=hydryx]Try not to fall into a depression, and don't let it affect your grades. I made that mistake when my step-dad split and we had to move in with family in another city. Regret it to this day.[/quote]
I feel like I could just drop everything and just sit there and sulk, but I will try as hard as I can to just move on. It won't be easy, but I will certainly take your advice.
[quote=Horizon]My parents separated while I was a baby. My mom moved to the US and left my aunt to care for me because she couldn't take another person and times were tough. Every weekend I visited my dad but growing up with your parents barely living with you makes your relationship with them kinda closed. I currently living with my mom right now and Im not even open her. The only thing I can to you is that try to keep in close contact with them, try to keep your relationship balanced with both parents because believe me it will fade.[/quote]
Well, should this happen I will need to choose one parent to live with. The other parent I will visit weekly. I think this is the most difficult part of this because if I choose one parent, I will always feel like I'm hurting the other in some way.
[quote=MageTerra]It's not selfish at all. I guess my advice would be to talk to your family about it. Either your mum or dad, and let them know it's affecting you. If not, then just make sure your brother knows he'll always have you for support.[/quote]
I've talked to my mother and she is aware it's affecting me. My father is probably aware how much it is affecting me since I am quite sensitive about this type of stuff. My brother is 10 and I don't think the whole thing is much of his concern. I'm sure it is affecting him though.
@GeEmEs: It's not selfish at all. I guess my advice would be to talk to your family about it. Either your mum or dad, and let them know it's affecting you. If not, then just make sure your brother knows he'll always have you for support.
My parents separated while I was a baby. My mom moved to the US and left my aunt to care for me because she couldn't take another person and times were tough. Every weekend I visited my dad but growing up with your parents barely living with you makes your relationship with them kinda closed. I currently living with my mom right now and Im not even open her. The only thing I can to you is that try to keep in close contact with them, try to keep your relationship balanced with both parents because believe me it will fade.
[quote=MageTerra]My parents split when I was about 8 or 9, it was really rough on me and my dad. My mum treated him quite badly and he got really depressed because he lived so far away. Not only that, but my dad would never treat anyone badly. There was quite a lot of bad blood between them too. But when I was about 11, he managed to get a house in the street next to us. Not only that, but they're really great friends now. Just look at it this way, sometimes two people just aren't meant to live together. It may look bad now, but things can honestly always get better. It's been about 10 years since they split, and I honestly wouldn't have them any other way. Sometimes having your parents together can be a little suffocating.[/quote]
I know where you're coming from, but there is this feeling that even though they fight from time to time, I will always feel happy when they are together. This is probably just me being selfish, but that feeling just feels so great. No matter what happens - good or bad - I will always have a family to be there for me. My brother also has a huge surgery coming up soon so I don't know how he'll deal with this and the surgery.
My parents split when I was about 8 or 9, it was really rough on me and my dad. My mum treated him quite badly and he got really depressed because he lived so far away. Not only that, but my dad would never treat anyone badly. There was quite a lot of bad blood between them too. But when I was about 11, he managed to get a house in the street next to us. Not only that, but they're really great friends now. Just look at it this way, sometimes two people just aren't meant to live together. It may look bad now, but things can honestly always get better. It's been about 10 years since they split, and I honestly wouldn't have them any other way. Sometimes having your parents together can be a little suffocating.
My parents are split they often visit eachother since they are somewhat over the arguement
which is a good thing for me
@GeEmEs: Exactly, oh and remember everything COULD be worse, not sure how though.
@FrozenFlameO: Yeah. I guess the best think I can do is prepare myself for the worse. Of course, like I said to blklab there are just some things you just can't prepare for. You can only tell yourself that there is always a good and bad way this will end.
@GeEmEs: You never know what happens. Just bear with what you can for a while. Somethings you just can't do anything about. Only time can tell.
@blklab: I don't see myself feeling a whole lot worse than I already do. No matter how hard I was before, there is no way you can prepare for something like this. The emotions I'm going through are just indescribable.
@FrozenFlameO: I hear that, but I honestly don't feel I'll feel as happy again as I was before should the worse happen.
@Jake305: I know. My mum says I can stay with her as long as I want (because I'm the good kid), but I don't think I could stay forever if they fight as they do now.
To be honest, I'm thinking everyone is just jumping the gun too much. My father has always headed back home briefly to get a break from everything. If he's said anything, it was probably a moment thing. I'm not so sure about my mother though. Apparently they got a bit physical (which has never happened before) so I'm not sure what I will expect next.
My parents might soon so tell me how to feels so i'm ready
I don't know what to say, but it always gets better.