Hormones, I has them
I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting to nothing, or what.. but I have to tell someone of my suspicions. And hey, this is the internet, what better place to post anonymously? XD
So it begins with my best friend (let's call her Steph) telling me that she used to like my current boyfriend, Connor. She liked him during the summer a few months before we started dating. This is fine with me, it was months before and she said she has no feeling of that sort anymore. It's easy to trust her on this, because she started to date a boy, (let's call him Phil) a month before I started dating. She dated him for 5 months before they broke up, and she was heartbroken.
After the breakup, she became mega depressed, and very unlike herself. She turned to Connor one night via text confessing how she was going to cut herself. He talked her out of it, and since then they've been best friends. Let me get it out of the way now that I absolutely trust that Connor is faithful, I'm his first girlfriend and he's a super nice guy. Well, she's been talking and hanging with him since the breakup, turning to him to cheer her up, asking him for help, always talking to him, and she barely speaks a word to me anymore.
She sits next to me on the bus, so we'll have small talk there, and whenever we're together and he's not there, we'll make small talk. But if Connor is with us, that's who she talks to. She doesn't ever tell me what's wrong with her, what I can do to help, or talk to me about anything really... it's as if she doesn't like me at all. She's hardly considered a best friend anymore.
Connor and Steph have always talked via note in 7th period, a period the three of us have together. But lately, whenever I ask what's up, she avoids the question. Connor can't tell me either, because she tells him that she only wants to talk to him about it. She doesn't want me involved. I can tell everyday that she's upset about something, and more nervous around the both of us, and more awkward too. I ask Connor everyday "What's she upset about?" "Is it really important at least, should I ask her?" He always encourages me to, but when I do she avoids it. Now everyday there's something she's miserable about. Something to cut herself for. But she only speaks about it to him. It's like I'm invisible.
Lately, my suspicion is that she likes him. She tells him everything, talks to him rather than me or any other of her friends, gets nervous around him, awkward as well, & studders when talking to me about him.
I have a good reason for thinking she likes him too, this wouldn't be the first time she's liked someone I dated. Her most recent boyfriend, the one she went suicidal with, was dating me before. He was my boyfriend, then hers. (I didn't care much, I never really got along with him) But this seems like just the drama that would happen right before highschool. And I don't know what to do. I start to hate her upon my suspicion, then I hate myself for jumping to it.
EDIT: To her defense, she does have a lot of things to be upset about. Her mother and father left her at a young age, or well, were taken from her by her grandmother. (Her mother and father didn't know how to raise her, so her grandma did) Now her mother is back in her life and working out, but she got wind of her father being in jail and not doing well at all. She's also needs an additional credit in her ADVANCED ADVANCED math class because she's going to fail unless she manages a D this semester, and she's not doing to well on that. So she does have a lot going on, but I just wish she'd talk to me about it like she used to.
19 Comments • Newest first
[quote=yogurtz]it sounds as if shes finding excuses, such as "cutting her wrist" just to talk to him jus so he can comfort her.[/quote]
She has the marks to prove it, when I found out about it initially, I was heartbroken. I live right around the corner from her, and she can come over at any time and talk, or anything. :c Now this..
@Krill: Thanks, Krill. ^-^
@iMelXP: Well something's gotta happen, considering her "low times" are starting to screw with YOUR times.
@Krill: I've been best friends with her since 1st grade, and it's ever since she got her first boyfriend that she's changed. I don't wanna drop her when she's at her low times..
@iMelXP: Ever heard of the phrase "The hurricane that emptied the river"? (I butchered that, but the meaning is still there.) This is one of the few instances where creating the drama will get rid of it faster. Think something like ripping off a bandage very quickly. The pain is more intense, but it's less overall.
If she asks why, explain that she talks to him constantly and has been avoiding you.
If he asks why, explain that she talks to him constantly and has been avoiding you.
If she lies, then as I said before, she's a terrible friend that you need to get rid of.
@INinjaxMaplerI
@Krill
@SgtWolf1224
I just keep thinking that if I confront her and ask "So hey, be honest with me on this one; do you like Connor?" She'll deny it, and tell him I said it. She'll also ask for reasons why I think so. She'll tell him and he'll ask too. I don't want to brew up drama, I just want it all to go away.
I think she just likes your leftovers? But it sure is a good indication that she's after your boy, you ought to draw the line on how close she gets before it's too late o.o
Confront her, tell her how you feel. What's going to go wrong?
Here's a list of possibilities:
She wants to steal away your boyfriend. In which case, she's a terrible friend that you should get rid of.
She doesn't like you to begin with. In which case she's not a real friend and you should get rid of her.
She tells you why, has good reason, and you now understand the situation. Now you're better friends with a mutual understanding.
[quote=lNinjaxMaplerl]Be straight forward and ask him. Say: Connor, I have something to ask you. Me and Steph have been best friends for a while and I know when somethings bothering her. She talks to me normally when your not around then gets shy when you are. This usually happens when she likes a boy or is doing something with them. I totally trust you, but I like you a lot and I don't want something like this to screw up our relationship. The reason i'm asking is because she has a history of doing this.... Please dont lie to me.
BAM! Answer should come soon enough![/quote]
I've told him about her not really talking to me anymore, or telling me what's up. He told her, and there has been minor improvement. And mind you, I don't "really like him" I really love him. She knows this, and she knows how I hate secrets. I just wish she'd tell me..
Sorry, your queen does not read long articles.
[quote=SgtWolf1224]I think your friend is jealous/lonely. she is jealous because she sees you and your BF as an amazing couple and she thinks its because of your BF and now she wants that love for herself so she might be trying to get him just because she thinks he will love her the same way he loves you. she's lonely because she probably keeps telling herself that she will never find anyone in this world that will love her like your BF would which makes her suicidal but she should know finding love takes time. For example im 18 years old and barely started dating my first GF who is rlly awesome and i get along with very well last week on monday! For some ppl it may take longer than that but you should live your life and worry about relationships because eventually you will find the right person for you! srry for the long post [/quote]
We've been dating for 7 months, and that would make sense. I always try to lead her on to another guy by saying "Any guys you like yet? (;" She always says no, or says "well maybe Lewis.. He's really nice"
She has the same type of guys that she likes as me. Except she doesn't like nerdy ones. (Connor is mega nerdy.<3)
Teach her how to hunt animals and how to survive independently in the wild.
[quote=iMelXP]@Lolxe: I know he doesn't have any interest in her, I'd be able to tell. We spend a LOT of time together, and his mood towards me hasn't changed, I trust he has no interest in her, because it'd be evident (He's terrible at keeping secrets). I'm more concerned about her liking him, because with how I worked it all out in my head, it ends badly.
@ThatBox: I haven't talk about it to her, because I know the first thing that she'll do is tell him.[/quote]
I edited my post so you can read more. I also think that if at the end she still doesnt talk to you, just tell your bf about it, shoe him how much it hurts you that she talk to him and she likes him etc.
Really, Ik you dont want this mess now, so just put an end to it asap. Im going for some hours now, cya. GL.
@Lolxe: I know he doesn't have any interest in her, I'd be able to tell. We spend a LOT of time together, and his mood towards me hasn't changed, I trust he has no interest in her, because it'd be evident (He's terrible at keeping secrets). I'm more concerned about her liking him, because with how I worked it all out in my head, it ends badly.
@ThatBox: I haven't talk about it to her, because I know the first thing that she'll do is tell him.
[quote=ThatBox]The answer is 42[/quote]
YES! I love that book and movie. You sir just got +1000 internets.
To the OT : It seems like she likes him. Perhaps you should talk to Connor when you're both alone. Give him a kind of heads up as to what you think is going on. I'm sure he'll be understanding and try to keep things with her on a more professional level. Don't come off as insanely jealous though. It can ruin your relationship.
@iMelXP: What if you talked to her about Connor? I'm not sure, if you just keep prying her, she'll probably open up eventually. Anyone who stays closed to unimaginable amounts of kindness deserves a reward. Another way is to ask her directly why she's being like that. Of course, I'm not an expert or anything.
I suggest to try talking to her first, even demand her to explain why she ignores you and doesnt talk to you anymore as she used to. Tell her it hurts you and offends you a lot that she ignores you and you cant bear her being arround you and your boyfriend and acting like she does. If she still doesnt listen to you, I suggest you explain your boyfriend the situation and tell him to even stop talking to her if necessary. Still, something is really suspicious, Im not trying to say anything, but its weird that he cares about her, I mean, if she is such a suicidish woman, guys dont like being involved in such problematic cases, especially with people they dont know. I dont think he likes her, because in my guy experience, I dont like crazy women and especially dont wanna hang around them. Ask also "Steph" why did she talk to him, and ask your bf why he cares so much about her.
GL
EDIT: Also, I hope that *@!@# hasnt planned taking "hostage" of him from the beggining.
EDIT2: If you'll get to the stage where you need to tell ur bf to stop seeing her, then you can also cry to show him how much it hurts you.
EDIT3: On of the last resorts is shouting at her (not with other people in the place) what she fears of, like shouting at her about her cutting herself or breaking up with her bf and not finding love, and being crazy, etc. Depends on her personality, she will either cry, hit you, or ignore you. I think she wont ignore you, but if she cries, I hope she opens to you then, but she might complain about it to your bf. Lets hope she doesnt hit you o.o And ignoring you, seems unrealistic, but it might be her.
[quote=ThatBox]The answer is 42
OT: Just don't worry about it. Try to talk to your friend some more, it doesn't have to be about what she's sad about.[/quote]
I try to! She never wants to hold on a conversation with me. She only tells me about what she does with Connor or her new best friend.
The answer is 42
OT: Just don't worry about it. Try to talk to your friend some more, it doesn't have to be about what she's sad about.