General

omg this is kinda off-topic but you look like Odin (Thor's father)

Do you like dragons? Do you have any CDs?
Cuz I'm gonna be dragon my balls on your face so you can CDs nuts!

inb4 I get banned for entertaining

@xdarkshynobi: keyword my friend's house,and never!I don't kiss and tell either.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

i killed a man when i was 8
one day i was in a dollar store and i saw a sign that said something like "1$ = as many marbles as you can hold"
tried doing it and ended up dropping all my marbles, and some employee was walking and he tripped on the marbles
he didn't get up
walked away and lived my life as a criminal ever since

d/dy(e^x)

phyrexia.com/continuity/Gerrard.shtml Fun story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVx4LafsvSU This is a nice story too.

http://i.imgur.com/pnqAFc6.jpg another story

There was another one, but I lost the link Basically a guy downloaded this alarm app that has a loli girl scream and call you onii-chan or something. You have to rub her for a while to turn off the alarm (Similar to this psp game http://i.imgur.com/wubqgDJ.gif ) The guy takes a class early in the morning and forgets he has the alarm and during lecture his loli goes off, etc etc. It was a pretty good read.

^you got off to sum nudes ya

A week or two ago this girl was texting me things while I was at my friend's place,and I don't think he knew how excited I was getting.
;-)