General

Maybe it is not love that I really seek right now, maybe it is just one of my desires, I might be just thinking that love is what would fix all of my problems and give me something to work for. But I highly doubt that it will come itself, why should it, considering the condition I am at. What I do seek is just one true friend. i have none. I know a lot of people, I have a contact with a lot of people, I can also live with most types of people, even the most annoying ones, but I have no true friends. Maybe the media, television has kind of made an impact of how I define true friend and maybe that kind of bond doesn`t really exist, but, oh how my heart wants that. All I truly have is my family, for that I am grateful, but it is not enough for me it seems.

@LazyLazyLazy Similar to my inner world, my eating habbits are a mess aswell. there are days when I eat once a day, there are days that I don`t even have a decent meal. I don`t feel too weak though. I am very tired often, but I go to sleep at 3-5 am so that isn`t surprising considering how I eat and when I go to sleep. I can also sleep for long, long hours, 12 and more. I am a mess in this way, too.

@AugustRain Thank you. I know that a doctor of some sort might be a good idea, but I refuse to take any medications. I will consider this.

@LowWillPower Excuses are one of my problems, too. They are so easy to find, yet so hard to ignore. Part of what makes us human, I guess.

It`s the first time I`ve released any of this in text, which kind of helps, I guess.. Thank you all for reading, caring or even bothering. Hope I will wake up to read some more input and your stories.

Haha, I can somehow relate. But I'm not sad all the time tho. I'm not very judgmental, either. Whenever I play an online game, I never set my goal to reach for the max level and hit the most dmg. I just fool around and have fun and talk with friends. Unfortunately, my life right now is kinda like this, too. Whenever I messed something up, I just laugh it off.

Love is that one dushbag emotion that no one can get rid off, but it's not like anyone would want to get rid of it. Simply put, it's a temptation. That's one thing I cannot deny that I can't relate to you. But if you want to be loved, you need to love them first yourself. Even for lotteries which pretty much depends entirely on luck, you need to buy a ticket to win it. By buying that ticket, you are making an effort yourself.

Though I won't agree that sadness lasts longer than happiness, I would agree that sadness is a much stronger emotion.

@Zoneflare4: working with clients, or join a design firm.

@Wanton: where are you trying to go with your talent? Art galleries? Animation?

@Zoneflare4: yes my future career but I will also dabble in graphic design so i won't be homeless.

@Wanton: is that your career?

@Zoneflare4: not like i watch anime that often nowadays. I prefer to paint/draw now.

What do you eat and drink each day?

Honestly, the motivation part seems like the situation I find myself in now too. Can't bring myself to really reach out to others and seem to find no reason to do many things.

I'm still trying to deal with it, not sure if I will, but for some reason I'm not too worried. I've been dealing with it awhile, but I think once school is finally out of my way I'll really try to work on myself. I'm just scared it's another excuse, only time will tell.

@XxVVolvesxX: cause I'm smart and know that you couldnt survive without those yummy capsules.

[quote=Mageklan]To be honest, I don`t think I came here for answers since I`ve heard nearly everything people can say about this. Why I came here though.. I don`t really know.
I also realise all of my problems, I think i could write them on a piece of paper if I was asked to, but that is somehow not enough. You might be thinking that I am a bad person, but that is not true. I am generaly a nice guy, I hold doors, I treat people kindly and I try to help others whenever possible. What I feel might not even be hate for others, it just might be envy. I`ve done research, studied personalities and what I`ve come to realise is that I fall into a type of personalty that is highly based around emotions, but I feel sadness and tragedy much stronger than I feel happiness and joy, it sticks to me much longer, it is just how it is. It`s been so long since I`ve felt true happiness, but I feel sadness every single day. I feel it for myself and others. About my problems and theirs. I am stuck in a vicious cycle of depression right now. I know my problems, I realise the possible solutions, but I just can`t bring myself to actually do anything. Nothing motivates me. Everything seems so unimportant and pointless. Every single time I think of a good solution or an activity to start, my mind will always scream "WHY DO IT?". It`s as if I am unintentionally waiting for someone to pull me out of myself, but I realise that no one can, only I. And I am stuck and helpless. I am also sorry.[/quote]

it's okay to vent to an audience, we're here to listen. don't apologize for your feelings, it's not something you can help. i was serious when i said to go get professional help. i really hate to self-diagnose people but what you're feeling is really common amongst people with a borderline personality disorder. black and white/splitting thinking. please go see a doctor and get the help you need. it takes courage to, but the longer you way the more impossible it gets. if you need anything please feel free to pm me. much love. hugs.

Its simple. I hate the majority (90%) of people but you got to deal with them. I took something to post that and I'm proud of you. There's always one person that will love you, no matter who you are. Then again Basil is filled with trolls so posting it on here isn't exactly the best idea, but some helpful advice at least.

@zoneflare4: haha howd you know?

Don't expect someone to love you if you hate them, unless that person is in need of medical help. If so you just found your perfect match.

Hateful ppl--

Need to come to terms with themselves.

[quote=Wanton]im like you but what i do to get rid of that feeling is watch anime.[/quote]
You'll end up being a vegetable if you keep that up.

im like you but what i do to get rid of that feeling is watch anime.

To be honest, I don`t think I came here for answers since I`ve heard nearly everything people can say about this. Why I came here though.. I don`t really know.
I also realise all of my problems, I think i could write them on a piece of paper if I was asked to, but that is somehow not enough. You might be thinking that I am a bad person, but that is not true. I am generaly a nice guy, I hold doors, I treat people kindly and I try to help others whenever possible. What I feel might not even be hate for others, it just might be envy. I`ve done research, studied personalities and what I`ve come to realise is that I fall into a type of personalty that is highly based around emotions, but I feel sadness and tragedy much stronger than I feel happiness and joy, it sticks to me much longer, it is just how it is. It`s been so long since I`ve felt true happiness, but I feel sadness every single day. I feel it for myself and others. About my problems and theirs. I am stuck in a vicious cycle of depression right now. I know my problems, I realise the possible solutions, but I just can`t bring myself to actually do anything. Nothing motivates me. Everything seems so unimportant and pointless. Every single time I think of a good solution or an activity to start, my mind will always scream "WHY DO IT?". It`s as if I am unintentionally waiting for someone to pull me out of myself, but I realise that no one can, only I. And I am stuck and helpless. I am also sorry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcNpDJ80iqQ

[quote=XxVVolvesxX]seahorse birth look that up on youtube it will solve all problems[/quote]
sounds like youve been dipping into mommy's stash again

You either need to go to a professional or find the core of your hate and depression and then throw it in a furnace.

Drop the teenage angst and go say hello to someone in a coffee shop or bookstore or something. Easy.

seahorse birth look that up on youtube it will solve all problems

you need professional help, honey.