Anybody know how I feel like?
Dang. I guess some people did find their way here. Stubborn mules, new updates don't make you give up. Anyway...
Everybody regards me as the smartest person they know. It's not like I'll ever amount to anything thanks to my OCD... or my general anxiety... or my depression. Depression is temporary but my general anxiety is in my genes. And I can't get rid of OCD completely because meds and therapy aren't working at the slightest. I'm so smart... blah blah blah. I score below the failing percentile nowadays... Am I superior to everybody else in intelligence? Probably. The problem is, I don't get enough time for anything. Time for a test? 2 hours. Takes me 4. They never give me that kind of time though, otherwise I'd be having perfect scores in general. School makes me anxious for hours on end, no break at all. That's not it, though. I'm not that one kid that failed because he was too "dumb". That kid probably grew up to be a junkie or had a terrible job but at least made money legally if he had morals. He'd at least finish his work. I'd get kicked out of that job because they wouldn't give me "time either". It wasn't like this 3 years ago. No... My OCD had surfaced in the 8th grade. I wouldn't only be regarded as the smartest before then, I'd be regarded as the most happy. I'd always had anxiety but it wasn't until OCD came along that I started struggling in school. I wish I was dumb, or at least my definition of dumb. The ignorant type of dumb. The naive but persistent type of dumb. They wouldn't struggle with the kinds of thing I struggle with because they don't know as much as I do. If they did, they'd laugh little and weep much. I'm also very lazy... That doesn't help tbh. It's not like I don't do my work because It's not important. Me not finishing the work is the problem. Just checking over and over and over again. Not even Sherlock would check his answers so many times. He'd go insane. But if I was able to stop myself I would. Man, I don't wanna commit suicide. In fact, I'm scared of death and that is the only reason I am still alive. The only things I do fast are things I enjoy. They only have to be slightly enjoyable. Learning in school is enjoyable. Doing some of the work is not...
@Noreceipt I've already found my passion. It's playing. Anything enjoyable. I find learning fun, but the work is something I can't stand. I think I've just contradicted myself but idc. Anybody know what it feels like? Because this isn't regular depression, it's OCD.
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Edit: Darn. I still find life enjoyable, but how do I make a living about things I really enjoy? Like basketball. I love basketball. It's not like I can make easy money off of that, because I don't devote all my time to it. In fact, I don't get time for it because of school and that it isn't the only thing I enjoy.
So does anybody know how I feel or at least understand how I feel? Even if I became a really happy person, I still won't be able to succeed? Because OCD makes it so that work can only be done if I check my work a thousand times. And I'll be fired pretty easily because of deadlines and because of me not working fast enough. I can't change that.
Update: I do like being the guy who gives great ideas doing a group project, so if I got a job where I had to do that, and not do any of the work, just give the people I'm working with ideas, that would be awesome.
10 Comments • Newest first
At the end of ya day school grades and exams are not everything
I lost all my will to do good during my final years
@ceseva: cuz if it's not fun then im probably gonna procrastinate and get fired lel
@BearsAndLions: I'm not on any medication. "And if you can identify patterns of obsessive-compulsive thinking / behaviour, then my best advice is to improve your self-awareness and figure out the specific areas in your life where it's impairing your ability to function, and implement some sort of strategy to curb it in the long-term, as well as some short-term solutions to any immediate obligations you may have, whether that means acknowledging a basic standard despite any potential you possess to excel.
Regardless of whether you might also feel that OCD is a double-edged sword that allows you to function, in some ways, beyond the capacity of a regular person, remember that you can't pursue a larger goal before you save yourself." I'll remember that. Thanks bud. Oh, and how do you recommend I make a strategy for getting my work done on time?
Pharmaceutical medication rarely does more good than harm, regardless of whether or not you feel it's benefitting you, I would suggest getting off it anyway if you aren't already.
And if you can identify patterns of obsessive-compulsive thinking / behaviour, then my best advice is to improve your self-awareness and figure out the specific areas in your life where it's impairing your ability to function, and implement some sort of strategy to curb it in the long-term, as well as some short-term solutions to any immediate obligations you may have, whether that means acknowledging a basic standard despite any potential you possess to excel.
Regardless of whether you might also feel that OCD is a double-edged sword that allows you to function, in some ways, beyond the capacity of a regular person, remember that you can't pursue a larger goal before you save yourself.
OCD interferes with my ability to produce assignments by the deadline and my mental functioning in day-to-day tasks as well, so I've gotten into the habit of reminding myself not to stress over a late essay, as I'd rather face a couple of grade drops than a total nervous breakdown and subsequent hospitalization. I realize that this scenario unlikely applies to you, but it ought to demonstrate what I mean by compromise and self-awareness. A person's well-being comes first.
And if you can, go see an academic councilor and get an extension. Psychologists are useless, at a certain point you'll realize that most of them are far more mentally ill than their patients, and additionally, that there isn't a single person in this world that you can rely on but yourself.
I don't use the academic counseling service anymore out of guilt that haunts me from my first and second years when I abused the hell out of it, granted they were legitimate appeals as I had been sxually harassed at time, as well as one kidney-stone related hospitalization, but I wasn't struggling as badly as I am now. Hopefully no one ever has to travel to such a bleak place, and instead take my words as an omen to step up your game, because it only gets tougher from here, and if you don't, you will fall through the cracks.
hmm. I have OCD, but not as severe as yours. I constantly have to check things over and over again, but for me it's only things I deem important. There are times when my OCD gets worse, where I suddenly have to check everything. You should try working on your OCD with a professional. No sense in thinking about the future if your present is so messed up.
Your view on a job is kind of one-dimensional. Why does your job have to be fun? Jobs aren't fun (at least not in the long run). Are you saying once your job is out of "fun", you'd just quit?
@mantis561: doesnt has to be art. thats why i asked what kind of ideas you give to people. from there, you can look up google or by websites, such as csumentor, for degrees that revolve around what you like doing.
@nindow: Nope. No accommodation. And I'm artistically challenged so I wouldn't be able to get a job for that.
WHY CAN'T I POST MY OTHER COMMENT THAT I WROTE? Is this because my comment is too long, 'cause this wouldn't be a problem before basil was updated.
I don't know why I was summoned here.
But do you feel like you're stuck? Like you have no way out and that's just how it is and you can't come up with any hint of a solution?
shouldnt the school be providing you with assistance on the test? like sending you to the counseling center or something where you can take the test?
and im pretty sure there are jobs where it revolves around what you're saying. the thing is, what kind of ideas? if its art, then something to like an art advisor.
what does success look like?
i feel like becoming a "really happy person" would mean that you've succeeded.