The perils of Pavchka

Hello Basilers,

TOO LONG; DIDN'T READ at the bottom
I've been AWOL for quite some time and feel you deserve an explanation. If you don't care that's fine too, just make sure you don't read this thread, cause I've always been unable to keep it short for some reason... (blame the darn word limits I had to meet in University T_T).

Between May 2009 and September 2013 I've been living with and taking care of my grandmother. She's a bad case of Alzheimer's and I moved in with her because she wasn't able to live alone any more. She forgot to eat and drink and didn't wash herself ("Hi grandm- PEE-YOOW!" ) and just didn't care for anything in general. It was doable for four years until she fell and broke her pelvis and tailbone. That happened in late June, which marks the first time I mysteriously disappeared from Basil. My family went on vacation shortly after she fell, so I spent one month locked up inside (I literally couldn't leave the house; she needed assistance with everything including going to the toilet) while she lamented her faith and used me as her punching bag - at some point her main means of communication involved the light objects she flung at me. Those were of course less than ideal Basiling circumstances.

In September things appeared to be looking up, even though the fall had seriously damaged her mind, but just when I started to relax she fell down the stairs in front of my very nose and broke her back. She was brought to hospital (one ambulance and two fire trucks were required) and it quickly became evident that she'd never be able to return home. So, my family thought, while she's in a nursing home she won't be needing her house anymore, so let's sell it. Oh crap, our niece/daughter is still living in it. Uh, no offense, but we can't use you here, get out, or if you can't get out immediately, pay up.

So yeah, I busted my hiney off for over 4 years [i]free of charge[/i] and as soon as my grandma was moved out, some members of my family, including my own parents, suddenly expected me to pay rent, because they no longer needed my services. Needless to say that came across as a huge slap in the face and it pretty much felt as though my family'd been taking advantage of me all those years. If you sense some bitterness on my behalf you're not sensing wrong. I understand where my parents are coming from, but some of my relatives only think in terms of Euro-signs and consider me a liability.

Starting with September my life's been so stressful that I haven't had much time for Basil and if I had been on Basil, I would have had so much trouble focussing that I'd have messed up. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who takes her anger out on other people. Nothing stacks like frustration and guilt. I'm not usually the kind of person who's upset by hostile or aggressive comments by others either, but back in October I didn't react to them well ("WAAAAAAAAAAAH YOU'RE MEAAAAAAAAAN!&quot so I thought it'd be best to pull back for a time. I asked MrBasil to temporarily demod me. I have OCD, you know, so when I see something that breaks the rules I'm compelled to take care of it. In fact it's so bad that even after I lost the ability to suspend, MrBasil had to shoo me out of a mod chat which I abused to forward some serious violations. XD

Anyway, stuff's not looking up [i]yet[/i], although I'm not as stressed out as I used to be, because I have to finish an MA thesis, perform my job at PostNL (I'm a postal worker), perform my job as an English exam trainer (I average about 750 Euros per month with these two jobs), find a new place to live, buy furniture, maintain the house I currently live in and scram as soon as a potential buyer for that house shows up. My parents have also added "find a job at educational level, find more students and become an Independent Entrepreneur Without Personnel*" to my list and they want me to do all this at the same time. @_@ No way! I can do only so many things at the same time!

So that's what's been going on. I didn't think it'd be wise to be Basiling with so much stuff going on. I wouldn't have made a good moderator under these circumstances. I'll be making a slow return (vacations are coming up so I'll have a little more time), but I'm not going to be all gung-ho about it. I don't even know what's been happening in MapleStory lately. o.o

Best regards,

Too Long; Didn't Read
I'm slowly but certainly being kicked out the house I used to live in and which belonged to my grandmother. I used to take care of her (she has Alzheimer's), but stuff got too hot to handle for both of us - she had to be moved to a nursing home and since the house is no longer necessary, my family's booting me out so they can sell it. I need to find a new place to live because my parents don't want me back and I to be honest don't want to go back either. Due to these circumstances I've been experiencing so much stress that I didn't think it'd be a good idea to let me roam the forums with a banhammer in hand. I temporarily handed it back to MrB and though I have it back now, I'm not planning on using it much for the time being.

February 12, 2014

15 Comments • Newest first


Ben je niet in staat om smartengeld op te eisen? Al zou dat lastig zijn en waarschijnlijk een prijzige rechtszaak kunnen worden. Wij hadden een vergelijkbaar geval (mijn moeder verzorgde mijn oma). Nu hebben wij toegang tot al haar geld om mee te doen wat wij willen. Het is misschien iets om naar te kijken, maar de stres dat komt aanzetten met zo een geval is natuurlijk ook niet fijn.

My apologies for the Dutch. I'm not quite sure how to properly translate one important word in this. Translation basically: Suggesting that she looks into her legal options as it helped it my personal experience.

And hell yes Efteling. I swear to god there's only a few things I miss about the Netherlands. Kroketten, my cat and the Efteling.

Reply February 13, 2014 - edited

Ah, yeah. The two grandparents I have remaining are also dealing with Alzheimer's and dementia. My grandfather is consistently irate and, frankly, sometimes is on the cruel side. My grandmother is simply charming, but lost in the past at all times. It's incredibly difficult for me to go see them and to try to interact with them, so I applaud the month-long commitment you gave to your grandmother. Hope you're doing well now.

Reply February 13, 2014 - edited

[quote=thomas1985]@Pavchka I love themeparcs too, but more for the adrenaline, or themes (halloween), than the fairytales . I'm from Zuid-Holland too btw, if I happen to hear something about an affordable apartment coming free I'll let you know .[/quote]

I love watching thrill rides, but I get hopelessly sick when I'm in one. @_@ I haven't even been in the legendary Python. Villa Volta's an exception, and that particular attraction type - Vekoma Madhouse - is apparently known as "Kotzmaschine" ("barf machine&quot in Germany, haha.
Thanks for the offer I'm already browsing Kamernet to find something I can afford. Fingers crossed, cause there are hundreds of people who want to live in the same city as me! (Leiden)

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

@Pavchka I love themeparcs too, but more for the adrenaline, or themes (halloween), than the fairytales . I'm from Zuid-Holland too btw, if I happen to hear something about an affordable apartment coming free I'll let you know .

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Thanks for the support and to the people who didn't post support, thanks for the laughs (I've missed Basil's harshness).
I'm not planning to cut ties with my family. There's some minor autism running in the family and many of my relatives aren't good with emotions and have no empathy whatsoever. They don't really know how the things they do and say affect people unless someone tells them*. The reason my parents want me to pay rent is because I'm 27, almost 28 and they - quite realistically, I might add - don't think it's normal that I should pretty much be a freeloader at my age. I can see where they're coming from, even though they way they're putting it kinda smarts. They're not trying to be mean or abusive; they're just afraid I'll turn out to be a Boomerang Kid and that their "mission" to raise me into a succesful person has failed. *rolls eyes* Luckily they're helping me find a room and they just told me they're willing to lend a financial hand as well. That's good.
Then there are some other people who believe my grandmother should have been put away much earlier than this, so she wouldn't cause as much trouble. And oh, I've been taking advantage of the situation all the time. I'll be nice and say I'm not too fond of those relatives, not necessarily because of what they said about me, but about the way they treated my grandma behind her back. :X

@Airforce1: Yes, it's a painful process, isn't it? My grandma literally turned into a toddler over time, but she was still a lady who demanded respect. And unlike a toddler she couldn't be corrected. To get her to do things I actually had to [i]program[/i] her; I'd need to say "Boy, I'm hungry!" in order to start the program makingthetable.exe, fold my hands to end the dinner sequence (she's a very devout Christian) or "I'm going to make tea!" in order to get her to drink something. Just bizarre.
But the worst thing was the people who treated her like a kid by addressing her with "little honey", "you funny girl" or "Yes, you're a little forgetful, aren't you? That's okay! We're going to write it down - good! You can write so well!" People with dementia aren't crazy.
Her memory's been deteriorating quickly ever since she was moved to the nursing home. She doesn't recognise me any more even though I've lived with her for four years; she thinks I'm her niece. She doesn't recognise my Mom or my aunts any more either. Nonetheless I'm not sure if it's bad, at this stage. She went from "Alzheimer's and suicidal" to "Alzheimer's and happy". Maybe it's for the best this way.

@thomas1985: My father's a Frysian, my Mom's from Noord-Holland. I'm from Zuid-Holland myself (sometimes I wished I live in Brabant because I'm an incredible Efteling-nut).

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

It's nice of you to stop in and update us, especially since I feel you're the only moderator here worth talking to about things.
I certainly hope things work out well for you~

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

The main thing I got out of this thread: You're a girl. o.o I had somehow missed that all these years.

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. One of my grandfathers had Alzheimer's and I know it can be incredibly painful and exhausting to watch the deteriorate. It really sucks that your family is unappreciative of your efforts to care for her which I know was a big sacrifice on your part.

Hopefully things will get better now that you can pursue the things you want to do.

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Never knew you were a Dutchie too. You have my respect for everything that you did and are doing now. I wish you the best and I'm convinced someone as tough and caring as you will prosper in the long run! Hang in there!

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Well, I guess you know which people to cut off from your lives, maybe you wouldn't, but I would if I was in your position, I would.

Also, I don't really want to tell you what to do with your life, but you don't have to take that kind of pressure from your parents if they're not paying for you anymore. Do what you want. If they do a guilt trip on you, tell them: "Remember that time when I took care of grammy for four years for free, and then you kicked me out?"

If it's apparent that they don't care for you as a person (anymore), then you should do the same. You don't seem like the person to do that, but still, I would highly advise it. Why? Well, think of it as you don't deserve that kind of treatment, so you should definitely demand more.

If you're up to it, don't tell them where you live, and disappear for a while. They're causing you stress, so stay away from them.

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Hey pavchka. I hope things work out for you.

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

I am superior to both my parents intellectually and physically and they know it. They've given up on trying to assert dominance. As far as my parents are concerned I'm equal, if not above them. I think you should have the same attitude. They wouldn't push you around.

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Parents are DBAGS!

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Weee welcome back and it's okay if you disappear again, it seems likely you're going to have to.
Hope everything works out with your parents that stuff they're trying to pull ain't right

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

i love u and care about u

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited

Wow your story is kind of similar to what happened with my grandmother and i. Sorry you had to go through that and i hope things get better soon. I'd be pretty damn pissed too if my parents pulled this garbage on me.

Reply February 12, 2014 - edited