General

The only thing you should be worried about concerning her is unprotected sex and perhaps her drinking habits. The sex simply because of her putting herself at unnecessary risk, while the drinking needs to be done on moderation. If she's throwing up every time she drinks, she's drinking less to enjoy herself and more to forget herself.

Oh how great college is

@Travis: I'm not even going to try to have a discussion with you. Believe what you will, but i tell you, you just have to google it and its in every link.

I know what you mean. An old best friend of mine went through that route as well. I've known her since kindergarten, and we were best friends since we were 12 years old (we're 22 now lol). Although, my friend was more wild and outgoing than your friend even before college :x But as soon as we graduated high school and went on different paths, I kind of lost communication with her. I just knew how she was because my other best friend was her roommate. She partied, drank, smoked, and she's done drugs. After her first semester, she had to drop out and live back home.

It has been four years, and she hasn't even gone back to school. She always says she will, but she never gets around to actually register for anything. I haven't talked to her since our first semester of college until just a few weeks ago, wow o_o that was four years LOL. We randomly bumped into each other and we caught up with our lives. She seemed to have calmed down a bit, but I'm sure she hasn't given up partying, drinking, and smoking. It's who she is now

Oh, and I did try to talk to her about it, but she was angry at me for not attending her parties -_- ... I can't help it if her school was an hour away from me and I'm busy LOL.

I know it's hard to see your friend this way, but try to talk to her and even help her get her life back together. If she doesn't listen to you, at least you tried to help her Then, only time will tell (corny, but true).

I'm probably going to have a huge bias underlying whatever I say because I a) don't see anything wrong with casual sex, b) don't see anything wrong with drinking, and c) don't see anything wrong with smoking pot, but in my opinion that's just how a lot of people go through college.

Especially sheltered people that have always wanted to go out and try different things

If you really can't stand seeing her like this, then just cut ties with her, neither pot, alcohol, or sex are 'ruining' your friend's life, her actions are done on her own accord.

Yeah, I knew someone like that. I won't get into it too much; all I'll say is that it was depressing to watch my old friend become a party-hard booze chugging sorority type. So depressing. And there is nothing you can do. If this person won't listen, then there is simply nothing more that can be done. Any further attempts to yank the friend out of that lifestyle will be counterproductive; you will seem like a controlling ass from her perspective, and she will only spend less time with you, and more time at keggers, or whatever she does. Assuming your friend doesn't wise up soon, you'll get to watch as she self destructs.

Or you can just ... not watch.

edit: The people who suggested accompanying her to these parties are on the right track, but it's obvious that you cannot follow her everywhere she goes. Plus, you have your own life and all that. Maybe you have to study this weekend, and you can't spend all day at a terrible party to make sure your friend (who sees nothing wrong with her current lifestyle) doesn't accidentally an entire house full of men.

LOL this is why kids shouldnt be sheltered. She should learn eventually that she is being stupid. I don't think she will have a problem unless she develops an addiction to drugs, fails a lot of classes throughout her years at college or decides to have a baby.

Well, I doubt I have much say here, since I'm only in high school. However, lots of kids at my high school do all of the aforementioned things anyway. I don't have a friend like yours, but I know I'll have a few before I even get to college. I'm already seeing changes in one of my closest friends; craving to go to a massive party and get drunk, wanting to try this and that. The only thing that's holding her back is the fact that the rest of our friendship group don't hold with all that stuff. But it's only a matter of time before she asks me to join her. I honestly don't know how I'm going to say no when she does ask.

Back to your thread, though -- If I were you and I had already done my best to advise and help her -- then I say the ball's in her court. There's nothing more you can do. If she wants to save her life from ruination it has to come from inside. I do agree with a lot of the other players though. It's NOT college, so don't blame it on college. If she could just see that it's only the people around her that are influencing her, that would be a giant first step back on the right track.

Try not to beat yourself up when you watch your friend wallow. It's not your fault.

[quote=Dinoxsaurus]Its funny to see that some people think pot is not a hard core drug, its proven to cause mental illness. Its also funny to see how some people think its fun to drink alcohol and take drugs at parties. All i can say is, blame it on the culture. In all those teen movies that america puts out, you always see alcohol and drugs at parties.
Ultimately, i see it as a failure of the system.[/quote]

It's funny to note that you associate pot and alcohol with failure. Pot is not proven to cause any mental illness, sure there are various studies that associate its use with medical conditions but there are also studies that claim the complete opposite.

I see absolutely no reason why the two activities should be frowned upon. During highschool and university I frequently used both in social occasion, you don't see me being some sort of failure. In fact having finished my PhD and getting a job at a world leading cancer institute would say that I am the complete opposite.

Its funny to see that some people think pot is not a hard core drug, its proven to cause mental illness. Its also funny to see how some people think its fun to drink alcohol and take drugs at parties. All i can say is, blame it on the culture. In all those teen movies that america puts out, you always see alcohol and drugs at parties.
Ultimately, i see it as a failure of the system.

Well
apparently your friend here
is overwhelmed by the real world.
If you can't stop it, i really think nobody else can,
if you're so sick of all this try to move out if its possible, talking to her will NOT change anything
she'll say "you're just missing out the fun" or some crap like that. I'm not surprised she's so effected by this
since its mainly because of the enviroment you two were raised in. Shes going to eff up her life by her own actions.
not college.

Should've buffered it

It's part of college. Most people I know who were a little on the "sheltered" side went through a similar experience, and all of them are fine. Relax and have fun, it is college after-all

see basil, this is way easing your way into this stuff in highschool could be considered a good thing. I stopped binge drinking when I got my drivers license, and the only thing between me and MDMA was the $40 minimum price tag from my dealer. I'm only 16 and I have no desire to get wasted anymore, nor try another illegal substances other than marijuana.

I'm sure when I'm 19 I'll have another "lets get drunk" phase but as of right now, I'll have like 2 beers when I party.

Doesn't really seem surprising to me.

Just because she was sheltered all her life doesn't mean that she didn't want to do all of those things.

Now that she has that freedom, she sort of goes overboard without control and does all those things that cross the line from having fun into being stupid

She's actually not doing THAT bad, I've known a couple of people that have gotten into heavy meth abuse since high school

[quote=Persephone]yes you shoulddd. we'll be BFFs [/quote]

How much is it a semester while dorming? About 20k ~ 25k?

Now that you live in a mostly hipster populated school, prepare for extreme pot use, I would say.

Oh well, I really don't think you'll be able to get to her fully, so either go full out and tell someone who can help her, or don't do anything at all.

[quote=Nuwen]Well, just like Etokapa said, you already did your part. All you have left to do now is watch her fall apart every single second.

I've had friends who were similar to your friend... and well.. I don't mean to sound like a major jackass, but I just left them rot since I couldn't get to their heads. I mean, I'm still friends with a few of them since they're still the same person despite the crass activities they do, but as for the other guys... they're not worth it.

I'm not saying that you should just ditch her because I don't really know her as a person from before and now, but... you just gotta deal with her behavior.[/quote]

i guess i'll deal as long as it doesn't get worse lol

[quote=stefan812]I've actually been thinking about transferring to Rutgers. This thread's supporting that thought.[/quote]

yes you shoulddd. we'll be BFFs

I've actually been thinking about transferring to Rutgers. This thread's supporting that thought.

[quote=Pookiemookie]Not [i]everybody[/i] is sheltered where we live (I think we had a conversation once about how we live in the same town or something) and Rutgers is a pretty "good" school in my opinion. Its honestly just her.[/quote]

it's a good number of people who are I mean i talked to my other friend who lived near camden & his school sounded 100x worse, with more issues lol
and yeah it's a good school but lots of people do stupid things here. like right outside my dorm, some people were smoking synthetic pot ..

for whoever asked, yes i live on college ave.

i understand what you guys mean when you say to let her make her own mistakes but i just don't want her to go too deep into the problem. i'll discourage her from going out too often but honestly, once she tries cocaine, i think it'd be good to go to tell someone else.

I can totally relate to you. I had a friend who was very book smart and outgoing. He ended up going to UC Berkeley and began to go to raves. At first he was nervous about going to one he told me, but eventually he started going there a lot and started drugs according to his fb. He eventually dropped out of UCB in around December, never came back from break, and then finally told his parents when they were suspicious why he didn't return after break ended. Anyways now he goes to the community college around his neighborhood and doesn't talk much anymore because he's ashamed.

i wanna go to rutgers next year!

well to be honest you can't really blame college, just the people in it. also you should've taken the extra step to pull her away from those constant parties, and if this keeps continuing then just let her go she's not worth your time anymore. all she cares about now is drugs/sex/and booze. Also i never really thought indian girls could be changed that easily.

@pr3stig3: Well yeah I guess. But I'd figure if they've been so sheltered already why start when things can get out of hand the most? Surely her parents knew that college has a lot of partying and if it's only a 10 minute drive they might as well have kept her at home. But yeah you're right about the clubs and expenses already being paid.

[quote=sk8terboy]actually, i didn´t see why you was so scared, but when i read that she wanted to do cocaine i saw is why. pot is not harmful, alchohol is more harmful, but not that much and why should sex be harmful? lose you´re virginity to the right guy? (maybe it is different for gurls) but when you are at a party you have sex.
so why bothering finding the "right" person, if you meet someone and she is down then you have sex and thats it!
personally i don´t think you want to remember you´re first time anyways, you maybe now why... my point is, say to her drinkin and pot is ok, but never cocaine or cigarettes or hardcore drugs. enjoi life with pot. i smoke pot myself and i personally NEVER want to try any other drugs because i think that is just stupid.
make shure she not do cocaine and stuff...[/quote]

smoking one joint does damage to your body equivalent to 10 cigarettes, maybe not as much to your lungs.

[quote=drager260]Why do you dorm if it's 10 minutes away anyway? I'm only a sophmore in highschool now but in middle school I had some really great friends. In high school though they all smoke and drink and I'm completely against that, especially because were only in high school. It hurt to see them turn that way honestly I used to hang out with them all the time and sleepover etc. They used to do good in school too. They still talk to me, but in school only. They're failing all their classes and honestly they've changed. It's just not the same. For your situation though I would just tell her parents or let her be. I stopped caring for those kids who choose the ruin their lives themselves. I know it's hard but just give up if she's not listening to you =/ Btw just wondering which Rutgers do you go to
? I live pretty close to their too.[/quote]

Your college experience can differ vastly based on whether you live in a dorm or off campus. First of all, you learn how to be more independent. Ever since coming to college, I saw a vast increase in my cooking skills Second, it's just more convenient. A lot of the times, club meets and intramural sports would require you be on campus at weird times, and it'd be much easier if you actually lived on campus. Third, living with another student or around other students can help increase your sociability, and build lasting bonds. Fourth, for some students, like me, living expenses are covered by our scholarships.

Why do you dorm if it's 10 minutes away anyway? I'm only a sophmore in highschool now but in middle school I had some really great friends. In high school though they all smoke and drink and I'm completely against that, especially because were only in high school. It hurt to see them turn that way honestly I used to hang out with them all the time and sleepover etc. They used to do good in school too. They still talk to me, but in school only. They're failing all their classes and honestly they've changed. It's just not the same. For your situation though I would just tell her parents or let her be. I stopped caring for those kids who choose the ruin their lives themselves. I know it's hard but just give up if she's not listening to you =/ Btw just wondering which Rutgers do you go to
? I live pretty close to their too.

Party campus? College Ave? Or do you go to one of the other three Rutgers?

OT: There should be counselors around campus that deal in these specific situations. Get here to see one before she totally screws up. Getting into Pharmacy is already hard enough and it's not something you should throw away in your first year.

Let her do her own thing. If she wants to destroy her life, let her. Nothing you can really do. I am currently letting one of my friends ruin his life because there's really no other way he'll ever figure out his sht.

He already got himself and his girlfriend expelled from their universities (they don't go to the same ones). Whatever, it's his life. You can't micromanage your friends' lives and for someone who is actively trying to ruin their own life, just let them.

Also, college is not ruining your friend's life; she's doing it to herself.

[quote=sk8terboy]@jimmeh - there's a lot more to an "interesting" life than partying and sex. Personally, if my life comprised of -> Wake up at 2pm with a hangover and a new girl next to me -> Throw out girl -> Count my money -> Get smashed again, I would not consider that an interesting life.

what are you saying? i do personally don´t hate on homosexual, but i don´t think you are... soo, you probably never woke up 2 pm with a hot chick laying besides you. i promise you, it is the best feeling ever! but if this is you´re experience^^, i can´t see you´re poin dude; it is nutn better than laying besides a beatiful woman when you have a hangover, it is the best medicine [/quote]

The point is that that's shallow. I'm not denying the fun of one night stands and I don't disapprove of them, I just think that people who consider a life without those things uninteresting to be uninteresting themselves. I play chess, solve Rubik's cubes, and still have time for girlfriends and socializing. Far more satisfactory than being hopelessly bored throughout school and only having fun on friday and saturday night.

Not [i]everybody[/i] is sheltered where we live (I think we had a conversation once about how we live in the same town or something) and Rutgers is a pretty "good" school in my opinion. Its honestly just her.

By college do you mean high school or university?

If university, I wouldn't worry about anything except the drugs. The alcohol thrills will run out but don't let her get into drugs.
Casual sex - who cares. Be careful if you're doing it. One night stands are fine.

@jimmeh - there's a lot more to an "interesting" life than partying and sex. Personally, if my life comprised of -> Wake up at 2pm with a hangover and a new girl next to me -> Throw out girl -> Count my money -> Get smashed again, I would not consider that an interesting life.

If she won't listen to what your saying, say nothing at all and watch her slowly crumble. Sure, it's a cruel thing to do, but you tried your best to stop her and she won't listen, so don't give a damn.

I'm fine with a little heavenly herb, but chems.... just no.
I'd smack her for saying she wants to try crack, does she want to have deformed children?

[quote=wfu1998]Is she already [b]STRONGLY[/b] addicted?
You may be able to refer her to a counselor if she isn't addicted to the cocaine or the smokes.
If she isn't addicted to the hardcore drugs, give a good girl's talk on how cocaine and alcohol can ruin her life. Also tell her that if she gets a good job by studying now, later on, she can buy the expensive wines and beers that taster better and aren't so detrimental to her health.

If not, and she is attached to the cocaine, you should [b]CONSULT HER PARENTS[/b] and refer her to a [b]REHABILITATION CENTER[/b].[/quote]

[b]I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING JUST A BIT, BUDDY.[/b]

@Above It's part of learning from our mistakes. We're never going to change if we are sheltered from everything our entire lives. That's what college is, and she was going to see that part of it one way or another. Better that she's getting it out of the way sooner, than later.

[quote=KasAle]Myabe yes, maybe not. I do not assist to a college in USA. But I went to UT in a international exchange student program and I do not understand why americans like to spend thousands of dollars of that kind of wasted college life.[/quote]

And that's why American degrees hold more value than international degrees? People may not like America, but there's nothing wrong with its educational system, at least imo. To me, the most important part of college isn't the academic aspect, but rather the social aspect. Social networking and having the right kind of connections is so important in our society today. Learning to interact with others, inside and outside an academic setting, is crucial to one's future development. Also, it teaches you about time management, and how to effectively balance out your time between your school work and your social events. I party frequently, yet I still maintain a high GPA and I am on the Dean's List. I am part of a fraternity, while triple majoring. It's all about how you manage your time.

[quote=KasAle]Slap her and lock her in the closet. That is not part of colllege life, she is just being so dumb.[/quote]

I seriously doubt you have any idea on what college life is like. This is something that happens on a daily basis. Unless you commute to school, and lack all social interactions with other kids, your point might be justified.

Leave her alone and let her learn the hard way.

[quote=Persephone]In 3 weeks, she made out with 4 guys at a party. Ok it's not THATTT bad. I mean, the excuse "it's college" seems to be the best we can come up with..[/quote]

ROFL ahahahahahah. Some excuse, yes blame it on college.

More serious though, if you really care for her like u say u do, the next time she tries to drink/smoke/have sex hit her upside the head. do this every time until she lowers it down or stops completely. Its like training dog!

I've had problems with that stuff, too. I agree, it's horrible. Have you tried really talking to her about it?

i know how you must feel, my brother came out of college an alcoholic (and various other unpleasant things)
i never see him anymore, he isn't considered family

[quote=metaghost3]Put an electric collar around her, if she has the stereotypical indian parents, then this is probably the 1st time she's gotten any freedom. And because of that, she needs to prove tat she can be independent, she can take all the smoke/drugs/drinks/sex she wants, but when the result is is getting into a hospitial (as the patient) or a failing grade, then she has proven that she can't have any freedom.[/quote]

she can't be independent is part of the problem too she sleeps at 5AM to do her essays at the last minute and when she fails them, it's no big deal to her. She already calls me the "mom" of the floor since i always make sure they get back from the parties without getting caught by the RA or the police so .. & yeah she never left the house before coming here.

[quote=KasAle]You must do something about her new life style, because its a risky for her and even for you, since you are her roomie. You dont want to enter your room and see some drugs in your floor or some strange naked guy. O.o
Talk to her, if she doesnt want or doesnt care, insist. Hope she change her new life style before somethig really bad happens to her.[/quote]

Yeah it was already bad coming back from class and seeing her & one of our friends smoking the room and thanks for the advice!

[quote=EtherXFayt]@Persephone:
Thats not ruining her life...it's just changing her. You are sort of overreacting. I am assuming since you are sheltered you don't know how much this stuff happens on a daily basis in other places. For example, when I was in MIDDLE school (yeah that early) kids were having first kisses, sex, smoking weed and popping pills,drinking, the whole nine. Some kids even brought guns to school, I know because one of them pointed a gun at me on the bus before. And when I got to high school..you don't even want to know the HORRIBLE things that happened.

Anyways, I suppose what I am trying to say is this. When your parents shelter you, or because of your environment you become a sheltered peron, college will most definitely RIP through you. When you don't have a taste of anything until college, you just want to go too far with it. People who haven't had even a sip of beer until college, and have almost a unlimited supply of it, and people will let you drink it? Psssh, you will see that person DOWN the beer because they have always wanted to try it. Not only that but because they want to feel as if they are living the "college" life. People who haven't tried drugs, or gone through that phase as a teen, will smoke all the weed they can find, and then thats just a gateway for them to get into crazier things. This is why your friend is doing this. My parents let me have beer when I was a little kid at like 8. I took a sip, and now I HATE the taste of beer; not even the least bit interested with it. They let me smoke when I was like 10, it made me cough and almost throw up, and now I wouldn't smoke if it were to save my life. Its all about helping your children see that the stuff is not that interesting early on in life, so that when they get in an environment where theres a lot of it, they won't go crazy with it.

And also, sex is not severe. Of course it may not be your idea of how life should be, but maybe you didn't see what she saw in him. On top of that, she might have been really drunk/high. You can't even judge her for that situation if she was intoxicated, because she can't help it. Clouds your judgement. This is how some people become in college, just have to deal with it.[/quote]

I don't think I'm overreacting but I agree that exposing certain "vices" early on in life can lessen the excitement of it. Like my parents let me have beer & wine early but I didn't like them. As for cigarettes, well I always got nauseous from the smell. I get the importance of that, which is why I was never curious about it. Unfortunately this isn't what her parents did. It was the same "Alcohol is bad! Smoking is bad!" lecture, as she told me. This is why she's so curious & I completely agree with you on that part. As for the sex part, she was sober on both counts and just let it happen apparently. I mean, go ahead and have casual sex. Go experiment. But like I said, I always felt like the first time should be with someone who was at least of meaning to you. I guess because that's what I did and when I did find that special someone, that first time was equally special. I'm still with the person I did it with and we laugh at the mistakes we made during our first and i think that made our relationship stronger. I just feel like she won't have that same experience of really looking back at it.

That's the stigma about college, if you made it in you can do pretty much anything, drink all the time, expirement with powerfull drugs etc. Im not one of those boring poeple who just stays in their dorms and study all the time, I like going out to parties its relieving to brake out from the text book, but I don't think it should go anywhere near your studies, let's face it you came to college to STUDY what you like so you can get a bachelors on it then either go for a masters degree or find a job that includes what you learned. If you want to party do it on the weekends, sometimes there's no test or quiz waiting there, not a lot of poeple get 2nd chances with these things, and the amount of college drop outs will surprise pretty much anyone, you have to grab the opportunity given to you, not treat it with indifference.

Well, sounds like she's been sheltered for too long, and is finally "breaking out of her shell", so to speak. That's a part of college, and many of us have experienced that as well. I feel that after a while, she's going to look back and see how stupid she was. It's a learning experience, we all make dumb mistakes. It's about time she did too.

I just started university, and for me it hasn't been like a lot of partying and stuff. That also might be because I still live at home.

I'd just keep talking to her. All you can really do is try and get her to realize she messed up.

I mean, I drink, and smoke pot, but I've never let it get to the point where it really effects anything of a higher priority (school/work). It's fine in moderation, but your friend needs to learn to find balance.

[quote=kevinccf]Thats pushing it really bad, I dont blame you for being soo concerned, i would be if i had a friend doing all this and at that type of phase..
What everyone else mentioned, please keep updates on a thread, we all go through the similar problem (either before or right now) and this is actually a topic we can congregate on..[/quote]

Okay I will. She's sleeping right now [1PM? yeah ..] but I'll talk to her tonight perhaps.

[quote=aznseal]Anyways the same thing is happening my friend and i love her to death but i grown to accept that it's her life and ultimately she has to face the consequences.[/quote]

I guess I just want her to see that she's being dumb .. but if she wants to continue doing it after she realizes it, then okay

[quote=s0ulReaper13]@Persephone: I think you should not take her to parties. She is already addicted. Life messed up by college parties is sad to know. Let her know that her health and grades are important. Its college! There has to be a level of being level headed.

I go to college but I don't go to parties. I have fun my own way.[/quote]

I'll admit the first few weeks, we did go to parties a lot but it's really leaving my system now. It's just not fun .. but she's still excited every Thurs-Sat nights.

[quote=wintersfire]That's true and I see your point. If I was in her situation, depending how close the friend was to me, I probably wouldn't care.

@Persephone: Please give us an update what you do. Personally, I'd rather her be devastated instead of sniffing cocaine and maybe doing worse things.[/quote]

Yeah that's honestly the worst thing ever too Thanks for your advice!

[quote=FaceDesk]"That's true but I'm just so worried about her She really was like family."
Thats good enough for, if she's family, you PULL HER OUT[/quote]

I'm trying!

@kevinccf: she doesn't drink everyday but it's come down to her drinking a bottle of Yuengling on a monday night when she "studies" ..

Anyways the same thing is happening my friend and i love her to death but i grown to accept that it's her life and ultimately she has to face the consequences.

[quote=kevinccf]Something wrong about having sex after meeting the first day? (i probably shouldn't say too much, since my real life dabbles too much with maple)
To be honest, ill put a list of things i wouldn't care to things that should be helped first.
In order for least to severe.
1.casual sex
2.Pot
3.Cigs
4.Party-ing/Failing college
5.Alcohol/interest in hardcore drugs

Please, more than anything else, stop the alcohol(and the hardcore drugs), for the world's sake please...[/quote]

well okay have all the sex you want but to lose your virginity to a guy you didn't know?