General

Bruh the Dealership Got My Ass Today

I was robbed of my virginity today. 8 hours ago, I was a virgin to the world of used automobiles. My innocence was at its peak. I had faith in the American Dream.

But then I got to this Mitsubishi dealership, and almost just gave up on buying a car right then and there.

Okay, so here's the story. I'm in the market for a used car and there's a 97% chance I'll be buying something on Saturday. As I explained in my other thread, we couldn't go see anything yesterday. Today, after a few hours in Long Beach with my mom's super hot friend who has a boyfriend across the Atlantic, we started our car shopping.

The first lot we went to was a Mitsubishi dealership I discovered last night. They advertised this bad ass 2010 Honda Civic for $8,000. It was super cool, mainly because of its spoiler, but it only had 33k on the odometer, so I was wondering why the price was so low.

Now Basil, I am not a rich man. I live a modest lifestyle. My laptop is 3 years old with a touchpad that doesn't work. My iPod is 3 years old with a cracked screen. My glasses are crooked because my ex rolled over on them while we were on my bed and I didn't want to buy new ones. My cellphone is a two-year-old MetroPCS generic smartphone that I could upgrade, but don't, because I don't care about a phone as long as it can text and call your girls. I live a modest lifestyle. Basically, if someone robbed me, I'd feel bad for them because they just wasted their time. Sure, my clothes and shoes are fire, but that's about it.

I have $10,000 to buy this car in cash. Considering I've never had a job ever, I had to do a lot of things I'm not proud of to get these 10 G's. I need to buy it in cash, because the insurance is a lot cheaper on a car that I own because I won't have to get collision or comprehensive insurance. So that's what we're working with.

Okay, so we roll up to the Mitsubishi dealership, walk around the lot, and I see it. My lord is it beautiful. I was drawn to it. It needed me inside it.

We go inside and tell one of the salesmen that we were interested in it. I didn't really know what to say because it was my first time ever inquiring about a used car, but boy did I learn quick. He asked us if we wanted to go inside the car, and I got excited. He hands me the keys. I open the door. I sit down. I turn the key.

I'm in heaven. This is the car for me. It's got a sweet sound system, the tints set the right mood, plenty of room for Asian girls despite it being a coupe -- it had it all. Man did I feel good. I felt better than good -- I felt like a champion. I felt like sixteen-year-old Wayne Rooney when he scored his first goal. I felt like Chris Brown before he became a verb. I knew this was the car.

I began inspecting it like how I read about online: checking all the signals, checking the AC to see how long it takes to get hot, adjusting the power mirrors, checking all the windows, checking the backseat, checking for rust -- I felt like a pro.

33k miles too? Man, this was a sweet deal.

My mom was telling the guy how she thought the windows were tinted to the point of being illegal. I really doubted it, and she's a woman so what does she really know anyway, right? Especially about cars. Jeez.

Anyway, I get out of the car and we follow the salesman to his desk. He's like, "Okay so the car is $12,995." And I froze. 13 grand? It was 8 grand online! I was like, "Uhm, I saw 8 grand on cars.com" He was like, "Did you go on our website?" I replied sheepishly, "No..." He pulls up his website. 8 grand is the finance price, 13 grand is the cash price.

The classic bait 'n switch. Man. I was crushed. I mean, it wasn't that guy's fault, I should have looked into it more. That's what I tried to tell my mom, but she started arguing with the guy anyway. I also found out today that my mom has absolutely no idea how to be taken seriously as a negotiator. She saw 13 grand and offered to buy the car for 8 grand. Bruh. The dealership isn't the Red Cross; they're not going to give cars away like that. I even told her out-loud in front of the salesman because what she said was THAT stupid. The salesman laughed. I hope that helped set in how stupid my mom was for saying that. It did, because she wasn't negotiating like a retard the rest of the day.

But I was pissed, I felt cheated. 20 minute drive for a car out of my budget. I just wanted to go home at that point.

But then we went to this other lot that had all of these sick cars in my budget and it was great. I was mostly interested in a Toyota Corolla with this sick radio and spoiler, but its right bumper was slightly detached. We got OTD prices for about 5 cars, and while we were at the third lot, the guy called my mom and told her he would fix the bumper for us if we really wanted to buy the Corolla.

So it was a cool day. I gained some good experience, despite the first dealership being a total failure. I have to go check out one more car during the week (a Lancer in New Jersey), but I'll probably be whipping it on Saturday. :^)

That Honda Civic is going to get sold to a richer person, and I hope he or she enjoys it, because man, that car is sweeeeeeet.