Do you believe in 3rd chances?
Ok so here's the story. I had this friend for a couple years. She was cool; we partied together and always had a good time. Then in spring 2 years ago we got in a fight; she took my phone and wanted to send my gf a message. I didn't have a problem with her texting my gf necessarily, but I'm very protective of my things and had a problem with her taking my phone without permission. So I chased her around the place to get it back and when I took it from her, she got pissed. Didn't speak to her for the whole summer after that. I thought we weren't friends anymore. End of summer and she invites me to a party out of the blue. I figured, what the heck, hey? So I went and she doesn't say a word about what happened between us. Acts like we're pals again and like it hadn't been 5 months since we last spoke.
Fast forward a bit to last spring. Once again sh!t goes down between us. We and a mutual friend were all supposed to move into a place together - the first time getting away from the parents for all of us. But the two of them went behind my back and found their own place cause they thought I wasn't serious enough about the plans. Didn't say a word to me until I messaged her saying we should really get on finding a place, and then I found out they already had and I wasn't invited. And she seemed to put all the blame on me. So I was pissed. Really pissed. Again didn't speak to her after that.
Now around February I joined a group counselling session and guess who was in it too? Out of thirty-some odd thousand students at my school, she had to be in this group of 12 lol. And again she sees me and acts like nothing ever happened between us. I told her how I felt and that I had no intention of being friends anymore. And she says maybe we can talk after our group sessions and she'd like to be friends again. That didn't really go anywhere, but now she's invited me to her b-day party on fb. We're not even friends on fb lol. But I'm experiencing this dilemma because I still remember the good times with her and I wouldn't mind having that back. But yet I feel like with things having gone sour twice before, how long before that'd happen again? And I still have this feeling of being betrayed when she went behind my back and found a place to live without me. I also don't really wanna make her feel bad.
So what do I do? Is it worth giving someone like this another chance? See where things go? Should I just ignore her and cut off all communications? Should I be polite and tell her I'm not interested in continuing our relationship?
10 Comments • Newest first
She sounds borderline. I'd avoid getting involved with her on any personally emotional level. Maybe keep her around as a somewhat acquaintance...but she's obviously not respectful of you and beyond obviously distancing yourself from her insofar as anything remotely serious is concerned...I think you'd be safer just withdrawing on your own because she seems like she's insidious and capable of dragging you back only to leave you in the lurch again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8qs5hPmSBs
Thanks all for the support. I'll keep considering this but I think I may just call it quits with that relationship.
Things that happen to people in real life but to me seem the same as things that happen in movies:
-Having a "big fight" with a friend
-Trying to decide if I should "cut off communications" with someone
Sweeping issues under the rug really don't make them go away which is what I feel she might be doing. Kudos to you for actually trying to talk it out but I think majority of what you've said to her has fallen on deaf ears. Honestly, if this is the cause I think it's time to move on. What is there to salvage? It's ok to think about the good times you had with that person but friends come and go. She keeps coming back but you really should just ignore her altogether and move on. There are other people who are worth your time and effort.
youve got to find out if she values your friendship, most people wants you in their "friends" collection because you can come in handy later
not worth to handle being let down by someone who doesnt care about you
sounds like my bipolar coworkers
despite the good times we've had i'd still much rather permanently get away from them
Nah,
second chances, yes.
In your situation, third chance(?), definitely not.
Tell her you're not interested in continuing a relationship. As you said, be polite though.
if you do really wish to remain friends with her then do so but, just know she will always let you down.
but listen to @killeem and dont continue it. it will only lead to more disappointment
i'm kinda dealing with the same thing.
just be polite with her and tell her you aren't interested anymore. really sucks falling off with people, but it happens =~( gl!