General

I Was Supposed to Buy a Car Today

But my stupid mom forgot about our stupid dentist appointments and she wouldn't cancel them because her, "teeth hurt."

And then her stupid friend surprises her with tickets to a play and she always puts her friends before me so of course she just went.

I've been looking at cars for two months and have done all the number crunching, got all the insurance quotes. All we have to do is go see these cars in person and get the one I like most inspected. But nooo, let's just go to the play and complain about how we're poor when you just came back from a two-week African vacation.

God I hate my mom.

I like going to the dentist, though. The only problems I've ever had with my teeth are that they're yellow; I still have my wisdom teeth, never had a cavity, never needed braces. Going to the dentist is always just a 15 minute cleaning while I chat up the cute hygienist who has her boobs in my face, followed by the dentist coming in and telling me how great my teeth are.

I made her literally laugh out loud today. She laughed for like literally 30 seconds. She had to stop picking at my teeth because she was laughing so hard.

We were talking about my summer and what I did. I mentioned I went to Arizona a few times. She said she's going to San Diego next week with her kids to visit a friend. I told her it's really nice out there, but Brooklyn is way better. When she asked me why, I simply replied that Brooklyn is the best place in the world. She asked me how I came to that conclusion. I was like, "Once you realize all of the smart people are on the East coast, it's very easy to not want to go to California."

And then we went to Costco and this Asian girl kept looking at me on the checkout line. She was fat, but cute.