Why dont we talk about the things that are bothering us?
I feel like we live in a troubled world. The only thing distracting us from it is all the material things (phones, tv shows, etc.). The fact of the matter is, we don't live in a utopia. There are people going through hell on earth while I'm typing this while eating popcorn. Of course this is an extreme example, but hopefully you get the idea.
In my experiences, this is true in social gatherings. I mean, yeah why would you want to talk about depressing things, but then again, why not. Isn't it better to get everyone's opinions and try to make those problems go away?
My question is, why do people rarely talk about things that are bothering them?
Is it because people don't trust one another? Do people feel they will be vulnerable if they do open up? Then why are you friends with those people if you can't even open up like that?
18 Comments • Newest first
The stories that @dragon11: and @carbyken: are exactly what I'm talking about.
Even if the listener doesn't have a solution to the story, I feel like him/her being there is just enough (at least for me). Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest
@fradddd: you will eventually tell her. sheis probably open and waiting for you to build the confidence to do so
I still haven't told my crush I like her or asked her out and it's been almost two years since I met her and I've wanted to tell her almost the whole time.
To top it off she's my ONLY close friend who's leaving the state for college.
inb4 Basilers try to advise me and yell at me
I find that most of the time i hate almost everybody and find most of them to be awful people that are "Faker than some Sweet N Low"
Recently my other exgf moved in to my house. This is mainly because her little sister begged me too. Part of me has a serious grudge towards her because she was cheating several guys for reasons I honestly don't know. I see her again a week ago looking terrible and quite literally down in the dumps.
Yet despite knowing that I'm mildly bothered having her around, I still let her stay. Why? Cause I don't care about what happened anymore. Just seeing her sister drop down in tears gave me deja vu of how my sister was when we got together again. Last thing I want to do is destroy a happy moment.
Ever since I graduated high school I'm just moving forward; no stops to remind the bad moments. That was roughly 2 years ago, and you know what? Everyone in this house has problems, we just keep going. One big ridiculously out of whack sitcom as my sister jokingly puts it!
A girl saids I'm too spontaneous, never plan anything ahead. So one day, I called her up and arranged time that very day to go hang out. When the time came, no call no show. The next day, she saids she forgot all about it. -_-
@windowlegs: I don't think the OP was talking about a literal hell, but rather, in a metaphorical sense, such that people are enduring hardships.
i get irritated often, sometimes over a simple assignment or having to wait a couple extra minutes for the bus. i'm ashamed of it cause in some third world country kids are dreaming of becoming doctors and they're walking for several hours escaping elephants and lions to get to school
well people like me who have a dry/obvious/funny/blatant/deadpan/unapologetic/straightforward/sarcastic/observational type of humour have the most fun in life.
as you observed in your original post, when you mentioned hell, god is great and he is real. he will punish those who have sinned.
Steve Austin 3.16 - "he who crosses the finish line has not necessary their journey"
I try to help all of my friends with their problems regardless of how "annoying" they may be about it. On the flip-side, I don't really like to talk about my personal life much. It isn't easy by any means, but I've always had the attitude that I need to just suck it up, deal with it, and rely on only myself to solve my problems. Sometimes if people are curious I let them in on a few of the details, but I try to avoid the mistake I used to make where I'd basically share my life story, only for people to end up feeling bad for me (or just bad in general) which I don't want.
I kinda feel sad a lot, prescribed medication helped kinda though.
I'm bothered by everything
I have two reasons:
1. Being raised by a mom that had that "never cry/rely on another person" attitude. Her pride is easily the most valuable thing to her. The only advice she ever gave was to quit crying.
2. The above reason made me extremely sensitive so I always tried to open up to people and let people open up to me, until I started to realize whenever someone was listening to me "cry" they never really seemed to care much. So then I started to become careless and annoyed whenever people tried to come to me to vent, ask for advice, etc.
To sum it all up, I just feel as if no one actually genuinely cares, therefore I won't bother and just take it in all myself and attempt to resolve my problems alone. It sucks because I used to be so passionate on caring about how other's felt, how I could help anyone I could if they were facing some sort of sadness in their lives, but now I couldn't care less. (or at least i've started to condition myself to stop caring) It's a cruel world, so I might as well toughen out before I get fked later on.
On top of everything that has already been said, it's a lot easier to direct yourself to the right people should you really need to get something off your chest.
Having some kind of crisis of some sort? Maybe read some books on it and figure out how people went through that same thing - or direct yourself to the right professional, whether it be a medical doctor, or a therapist, or etc.
I think opening up to friends about things that bother you also involves doing so at the right moments, especially when it comes to social etiquette. If for example I were to be speaking about something else (for example being a permanent beginner in MapleStory, because that is fun) and all of a sudden you started rambling on about having an existential crisis and the crimes committed by Boko Haram in grave detail since those are the two things that bother you the most, there's a chance that I would probably be freaked out by the fact that you decided to go there, first of all. Secondly, the whole entire mood that has been built up to that moment would probably be ruined by the fact that such things have been brought up (especially if it's a social gathering, largely because I have the news if I want to hear something about the atrocities committed around the world, not when I'm with friends and hanging out and having my own problems to deal with above all else); and thirdly I would probably ask whether or not you are okay as I slowly back away from the whole entire thing. Such an example has nothing to do with trust, or not wanting to be "too vulnerable": rather it is a case of TMI, or even a case of inappropriateness or rudeness.
To be honest tho. Who wants to hear someone else whine and drone on endlessly about themselves and their own problems?
We all have enough to deal with before dealing with other people.
When it all settles - the only people I care about are my family and friends. I'll look out for them and care when and where I should - but dealing with personal matters is not a societal/community issue. It's an issue for you and the people who care about you.
In other words - stiff upper lip and get on with it.
Kids these days will never know the feeling of calling their crush's home phone and their parents pick up.
I think people have this sort of "if I don't confront it, it may just disappear" and "if it doesn't affect me, I shouldn't bother caring" mentality.
It is logically flawed as we all know and have seen time and again that stifling our problems (or problems indirectly related to us) not only prolongs the inevitable, but it often exacerbates them.
Best to have a stiff upper lip and get on with it.