General

I have some very very bad news

It's me again. I know that i may be a stranger to you all. And most- if not, all of you may not give a crap about what I'm about to say, but I NEED to get this off my chest.

First off. I want to say this is NOT A TROLL OR JOKE thread. I am very very scared as I'm typing this.

I might very well commit suicide. I have a VERY good reason to do so now. Forget about all the reasons i ever so much as thought of beforehand. This reason alone is way more then sufficient for me to simply end my life. I'm not sure if i talked about doing this in previous threads of mine but... Something really bad happened to me & I just heard the worse news of my life from my doctor today.

I mean... There's really so much i wanted to do in live & wanted to live for, despite me having bipolar disorder & been suffering from depression. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DIE.
I always liked to think of myself as 'better' then everyone. That I'm superior then the rest of mankind in every way shape & form. Like... I'm above everyone else. That I shouldn't even so much as be put in the same category as the rest of mankind would be. But now... How can this happen to me?!?!
(I know it may seem contradictory, hypocritical, & some other word that I just got done talking about suicide & depression, yet I proceeded to talk about how better then I am then everyone else. Well, again. I told you all I have bipolar disorder so bare with me. I'm fully conscious of my own behavior.)

Now there's nothing that's 100% confirmed. Since the nurses who checked me out told me they don't truly know since they're not my primary doctors. And that they have yet to give me the results of my urine & blood. They haven't even got to draw blood yet.

I'm going to quit beating around the bush & tell you the bad news that I'm talking about.

I have a STD. The HPV Virus to be exact. The nurse told me this is a PERMANENT STD virus that'll be with me life long.
My whole life literally flashed before my eyes. I have never been so scared in my 19 years of being alive.
This has been one of my worst nightmares.

I'm not 100% certain at this point if i had got it from this recent girl i actually had unprotected sex with about a week & a half ago. I have plenty of condoms under my bed but, I choose not to used them since I wanted to experiment & experience something new.

Ohhh boyy... Was it a hot, steamy, & sensual experience if I should say so. (Literally)
She told me I'm bigger then her ex bf. And that it felt better. She couldn't stop moaning. She had to cover her mouth as I kept going, so my brother wouldn't hear us. (He was home at the time.)

However... I'd take all of that back & wished that experience never happened if it meant that now I wouldn't have to live with a permanent STI.

This girl isn't even my girlfriend either. She's a girl whom I'm simply friends with benefits with. She just told me she had intercourse with other one of her male friends yesterday! I feel bad for the guy now, since he may now have an STD aswell.

So... I'm just leaving this here. Again i haven't gotten my results yet. So... What I really have could be much much worse. My nurse told me the next worst thing would of been HIV/AIDS & that would literally kill me.

I should mention the friend I had relations with was raped at gunpoint the day after we did it together. I'm not going to really talk about that since, again. It happened the day AFTER.
(My neighborhood is REALLY REALLY bad if i haven't mentioned before. I had like 3 prostitutes approach me so far, & the 3rd one tried to drag me away somewhere to an ATM so I could give her money for cigarettes. Just to leave an example.)