I hate kids
So after getting home from my 8 figure job as the CEO of the salt factory, I'm messing around with this kid, just running around and stuff, and out of nowhere, she tackles me. She was obviously a little horny, and out of nowhere she just starts licking my face. I gently push her off, and she starts screaming bloody murder. Out of nowhere, she rams me and I leave as fast as possible.
Goats are stupid, man.
June 6, 2016
5 Comments • Newest first
I see where this is coming from.
Why do you hate yourself?
Can I lick your face too?
I remember one time I ordered a watch from Russia, because I had heard it was a good brand and I was willing to wait the time it would need to ship all the way to the U.S. I kept watching the tracking website multiple times every day, seeing it go through Russian customs and arriving at the JFK airport import...area...in New York. After a few days it got to Denver. But then I realized I had accidentally sent it to my college, even though school's out.
So I called the uni's mailroom up, and luckily someone answered despite it being summer (that guy must be very bored). I said, "I accidentally sent a Russian watch to the uni even though it's summer but I need it sent somewhere else, is there anything I can do?" So the mailroom guy said, "yeah if you have forwarding service."
And I said, "I think I filled out some form for that at the end of the year when I turned in my mail key".
And he said, "Well, if it's through USPS it'll forward for free, but otherwise you have to pay for it."
So I drove to my uni to get the package for free. It wasn't there yet, so I decided to pay for it. "How much does it cost?" I said. And the worker said, "It'll be about tree fiddy." That's when I realized the mailroom worker was about eight stories tall and looked and talked like a crustacean from the paleolithic era. It was that god damned Loch Ness monster!
your girlfriend outta town in nyc, florida for her 22nd birthday and ha little sister show up on your doorstop 2 am with 2 $5 boxes from popeyes she just turned 25 and graduated from icdc college yall been married for 10 years and you been 23 for 13 months, your dad sleeping over cause your mom caught him cheating with your aunty in law but things ain't been going right lately anyways, its late may and the chicken is getting cold, what you doing?