Girl Advice Please
Officially broke up with my ex girlfriend two months ago, but it ended for both of us about two months ago. In between the time when we broke up and a few days ago, I did some stupid stuff. Dated someone else as a rebound which only made her angry at me. Hooked up with her best friend -- not to make her jealous, but we were watching a movie and it just happened. After finding out that her best friend wanted me mainly as someone to take her virginity, I stopped talking to her. At this point my ex and I were talking, but there was still a lot of anger, mixed emotions, and confusion. Slowly working back up to good friends. I thought we were just friends. Two months of not being together, I thought I would be free to hook up with someone at a party without her attacking me. She hooked up with someone at a music concert, didn't let me find out, then attacked me when she found out I hooked up with someone? I want to be friends with this girl so badly, and she does, too, but all this drama and useless nonsense.
She's self-centered, dramatic, and brings drama into everything. It's all about her. She either claims I'm talking to her too much and "begging for her back" and wishes me to exit her life, or she says I make no effort in trying to fix things.
We're friends with the same friends, so I really got myself into the whole pickle jar on this one. Lockers are two away from each other, some classes together. It's impossible that we don't see each other.
What I want is a friendship with her where we are allowed to do whatever the hell we want without it effecting one another. Of course that isn't an option, but that would be great.
What should I do? Does she have a right to be getting mad at me for hooking up with people? I understand her being mad about me getting with her friend, but she didn't know the other person.
13 Comments • Newest first
@Gmayn Yeah, I know how hard it is to move on. It takes time, and it definitely doesn't come easy. You can try to find a happy medium if you really want to, but you have to decide when enough is enough for yourself.
@ikarasv Never cheated on anyone, and never will.
@ox0shad0w0xo Reading what you wrote, I completely agree. I wish it was that easy, though. I make an effort to slowly show I don't have much interest, yet somehow things end up back in full swing and we're arguing in the same spot we were earlier. I'll admit I'm not over HER, but I'm over wanting to be in a relationship with her because that clearly failed. I want her in my life, but I want her to stop controlling me, too. Knowing that isn't possible, I'll try my best to take your advice.
[quote=Gmayn]She's self-centered, dramatic, and brings drama into everything. It's all about her. She either claims I'm talking to her too much and "begging for her back" and wishes me to exit her life, or she says I make no effort in trying to fix things. [/quote]
Welcome to the land of all females. Ok not all but most.
@Ecyz Actually I agree with Azith that they aren't over each other. She still gets mad at new relationships he makes, and he's trying so hard to keep her around, despite all the problems.
@Gmayn Just move on. You may want to remain friends, but remaining friends with ex's rarely works out. Let's say you're hanging out "as friends," she does something that makes you smile. You suddenly want to kiss her, but can't. Why would you put yourself through that? Then there's the false hope of getting back together. And if it's not there for you, it's there for your ex. And don't forget the awkwardness of trying to be "just friends" with someone you've seen naked (I'm assuming you have, from the context of all this) and have had all of that closeness with. You can't erase all of the memories of when you were dating, so at some point or another, it gets to you. Maybe not constantly, but you remember things more if you're hanging out.
But for me the biggest reason would be how are you going to find new love when you're still hanging out with your last girlfriend. That's going to make most people uncomfortable to see that the last person you were romantically involved with is still around. It's going to make them wonder to what degree is she still involved in your life, etc. And be honest, are you going to want to go to your ex's wedding if she gets with someone else? Why invest so much time and energy into a person who you've already acknowledged has some major character issues?
Wait you cheat on her. And she is self-centured?
You should NEVER cheat on someone, even if it's just 'to get even'
Is your ex Chinese? Because literally every Chinese girl is crazy. Don't try to be friends with her!
Pitches be crazy. Add her to the booty call list on your phone. Unreasonable people don't deserve respect.
[quote=Azith]There's your problem. You are not over her nor is she over you. It's crystal clear.[/quote]
Woah woah guy, I think he just wants to be friends with her instead of having a serious relationship. I don't see how you're reading that as him being hung up on her, it's pretty much the opposite.
You're saying she's self-centered and dramatic and basically causes drama everywhere she goes. Based on that why would you still want to be her friend? Both of you clearly tried to be friends and it's not working, so it's not going to work in the future.
[quote=Gmayn]
What I want is a friendship with her where we are allowed to do whatever the hell we want without it effecting one another. Of course that isn't an option, but that would be great.[/quote]
There's your problem. You are not over her nor is she over you. It's crystal clear.
You want a relationship where you can go do other girl and she can go do other guy?
Flip the switch?
You don't have to be friends with her, especially considering her unlikable qualities that you listed. If she's getting pissed at the people you are forming a relationship with then don't you think you'll be much better off without her.
She's self-centered and dramatic. She is being unreasonable and a hypocrite as well. Why exactly do you wish to remain friends with her? What is it that she offers you as a friend that someone else can't?
There's 7 billion other people in the world. Finding at least one person with the same positive qualities as her should not be too hard.