General

What she is doing is very spiteful and annoying. She's probably thinking of ways to make you break up with her first, or that she's just not very bright (a.k.a. stupid). The typical hoe that plays with their man's heart. You are at no major faults here. It's not you. If I were your irl friend, I would just help you find a new girl.

I'm also very curious as to what exactly you love about her that makes you love her so much despite having to put up with all this. Are you her slave? Do you worship her or something? Why are you doing this to yourself? What are you gaining from putting up with all this? Certainly not happiness. So I don't get what's so special about her. You are just as frustrating as your gf.

I think your kind and considerate, you gave her your best, but shes not returning the love and I understand how it feels, 3 years is pretty strong and I get that you love her but shes not treating you the way you deserve and you need to end it before she makes your life more miserable, the hard part is you get all these thoughts like oh I can make things better, or she'll come back but the reality of the situation is shes cheating on you and its not right. give it a good couple nights of thought then break off and gather your losses. im sorry this is happening to you and I hope you pull through

Thank you everyone for everything you've had to say. I've read every comment and although I don't want to leave, it's obvious that I should. I shouldn't be made to feel like this and I think I may just be blinded by how I feel about her and by the girl she is when we're together. It's only when we're apart that she acts like this, which is why I've been so reluctant to stop the relationship at this point. I've read about emotionally abusive relationships after she told me that we're in one, and I have to say that the emotional abuse is there. I can't say I haven't done anything abusive to her emotions, but there have been such a larger amount of times when you has emotionally abused me, and even know you're telling me she's emotionally cheating on me, that she doesn't care about me, and she isn't afraid to lose me.

I also found out that when she was at his house yesterday, she was smoking weed with him, which is illegal in Australia, and which she know's I'm against and have stated several times that I never want to touch it, nor do I want her to either. We have joked about it, but it's never something I thought she would ever do.

Anyway, I think the problem is with my girlfriend, and not the dude. My girlfriend has made these decisions, 'because I can'.

I know the best course of action is to break up with her, and you're all right in saying that she has a total disregard for my feelings and emotions, as well as our relationship.

To put a more personal spin to this. I've already commented, but I'll add an actual experience and how I felt (being the girl) and my perspective.
My boyfriend and I had a problem similar to this except less lying since I hate lying. Anyways, I was emotionally cheating on my boyfriend (though I think I wasn't). I was spending all my time with another guy since my boyfriend was busy a lot of the time. We were just friends and I often told my boyfriend I was texting and talking to him so he knew what was up. (No hang outs since he just went to trade school) He didn't like it, but didn't voice anything further and I reassured him it was platonic. However, I told him that when the guy would be back from trade school, we would meet up. This made my boyfriend get super mad. My boyfriend stated I was overly affectionate with the guy and he didn't appreciate it. We ended up arguing about boundaries and stuff and we found out that he's much more conservative and I'm more liberal with boundaries. I told him he should just trust me and he said that he did but the guy had a homewrecker vibe and was the one not to be trusted(I.e. you should go meet up with the guy). Then, I can't live with such conservative boundaries of his, so we were so angry at each other. But I was really scared of losing my boyfriend (because he was really distressed and I didn't want him to feel like that) In the end, I cut off all ties with the guy and my boyfriend apologized for being controlling and bought me a gift and he even allows me to talk to my ex. (Ex and the guy are different people). Anyways, he knows my ex isn't homewrecker material and a very nice guy, so he's fine with us being good friends.
So basically, since your girlfriend isn't even fearful of losing you as a boyfriend enough to cut ties with the ex, I personally think she doesn't value your relationship together. Someone stated that maybe the relationship is becoming boring, but really.. Cmon thats not a good excuse. She's not even scared of upsetting you or losing you. Plus, she is blantantly lying and causing more trouble in the relationship rather than trying to fix it. She doesn't even check in with you to further disregard any notion of worry you may have. She doesn't seem to be prioritizing your feelings. She states its platonic, but she has yet to PROVE its platonic. Plus, she's lying a lot. And even if the guy does like someone else, all this lying is simply reinforcing that your own girlfriend may like him. She is emotionally cheating and acting like a terrible girlfriend.
Oops. I was stating your girlfriends ex when it was supposed to be "mutual feelings guy" but yeah you get the point.

You're not jealous. She's lied to you more than you should allow. She's cheating. If not physically, definitely emotionally. She may be trying to get you to break up with her. Break up with her ASAP. You need to be the one to do it because she needs to realize she's being a horrible lying heartless monster. If she breaks up with you she will feel justified in her actions.

TBH she may never break up with you and just date the two of you simultaneously for as long as you put up with it. She's getting the best of both worlds right now. She's got loyal D that's got her back and at the same time she's got new D that's exciting and fun.

times she said that she would stop lying to you: 2
times she lied to you: 3
times she ignored you or didn't consider your feelings: 7
times she suggested breaking up: 1
other red flags:
- deleting instagram photos of you two together
- not apologizing ever

personally i don't think you're a jealous boyfriend at all. it makes sense to not want your girlfriend or boyfriend to do something that they wouldn't like you to be doing. you're not asking any more from them than they are from you so there's no reason for her to be upset or put blame on you. assuming that you aren't completely against her hanging out with him, she should at least set some boundaries or not see him so often but do you really think that she's still worth compromising with after all this? she's lied, she's lied about not lying again, time and time again she did something that she knew would hurt you if you found out, deleted picture evidence of you two being a couple in order to appear available to him, flat out ignored you cause you don't deserve to know anything until she's done the thing you don't like so you can't try to prevent it anymore, and worst of it all never apologizing for lying to you, ignoring you, constantly doing things behind your back and acting like you don't exist, manipulating your feelings and making it seem like it's your fault instead. if she's so adamant about it being nothing but a friendship then she has to prove that to you, not by lying or keeping you hidden. do you think that she ever went "hold on, my boyfriend's texting me" while she was with him? probably not cause she was busy ignoring you

i understand that it's tough when you've been together for 3 years but some relationships don't work out even after 20 years. either one is a long time so anything could happen, the worst included. i don't know the manner that you talk to her in but if you haven't already, sit down with her and calmly talk everything through without criticizing her too much so she doesn't feel offended and start going off on you. talk about how you feel and how you don't want to break up but need her to work with you and reassure you from time to time so that you know everything's still okay. make it clear that you're not trying to control what she does with her life but rather you want to be confident that she still cares about you and the relationship. like someone suggested earlier, do something huge but most importantly thoughtful for valentine's day. if she still insists on splitting up then you just have to accept it and move on (after you've tried your best to save the relationship). you deserve better anyway

TL;DR

You did tap that, right?

The amount of time doesn't mean you have to just drag it out. Just dump her and completely ignore her.

Yeah, you're a jealous boyfriend. But she's at fault too for lying to you and breaking your trust. In the future, whether you're still with this girl or a different girl, don't grill them or get mad if they're hanging out with someone (unless she lied to you about it, which is just wrong). You can also ask if you can hang out with them too and gauge their interaction with each other. See if they're touchy or flirty or just platonic friends. If your girlfriend refuses to let you meet him, then something's up. Save yourself future heartaches and move on.

Honestly, end it. It doesn't even look like she would care if it happened. After all, she even wanted a breakup herself. Man, don't hurt yourself any longer. Breakups hurt and basically heal only with the passing of time, so do it now and heal sooner. After what you have described I can only see more pain coming from this relationship for you.

do the same thing to her

Although I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, being patient with them, and just all around giving things "enough time" before coming to a conclusion, I think the answer here is pretty clear.

[url=http://prntscr.com/63toyc]Embraces you.[/url] It's been a good run, pal. I know you're not ready, or willing to break up with her, but you have to do it. This started off with you coming off as jealous - and that's perfectly fine! It happens to everyone - and you came on a little too strong when you voiced your concern about her hanging out with this guy. However, as things progressed, it quickly became clear that your jealousy is now justified (to an extent). She was already lying to you about meeting up with this guy from the get-go. Why? For what reason did she have to lie, and avoid telling you she's meeting up with him? I feel that she had to have some sort of idea/thought... like, she [i]knew[/i] to a certain extent that you wouldn't be thrilled with what she's doing, yet she did it anyways. That aside, once you became aware that she was meeting up with this guy on a regular basis, you voiced your concern. You let her know that you do not feel comfortable about her meeting up with this guy, how you do not appreciate being lied to about it, and that you would really like for her to easy up (more or less) or completely stop associating with this guy. My only problem with your approach in this was, you were kind of... demanding her to stop, you know? You have to understand that she's a human being and that no matter how long you've been together, you cannot tell her what she can and cannot do. You cannot limit her social interactions and things like that. A part of me wants to say that maybe she felt bossed around and to kind of prove a point, she went ahead and kept doing the things she was told not to. Then again, I also feel that this is very childish and I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt - in other words, I'd like to think that if she can be in a 3-year-long relationship, then she has to be mature enough to not do something just to prove a point. Anyways, You voiced your concern to her on several occasions, but she still didn't stop. She's practically (if not) emotionally cheating on you already. She values meeting up with this guy more than your feelings about the situation. She even brought up the idea of breaking up and blatantly stated that she doesn't want to think about how you would view her actions (to me, that's essentially saying "I don't wanna feel guilty about hurting you if I end up doing something stupid" ).

I understand that you love her and feel like this is a trivial issue so you don't want to break up with her, but it's really not a trivial issue. You have got to sit her down and if you absolutely feel that it'll make a difference, explain to her calmly and politely one last time how uncomfortable you are about the situation. If she understands where you're coming from, she'll stop what she's doing and you guys can move on to happier days! However, I feel that it won't make much of a difference... which is when [i]you[/i] have to initiate the break up. Don't let this drag on and allow her to be the one that initiates it. If you allow her to initiate it, she'll just use "omg you're too jealous and controlling" as ammo to hurt you and make you feel guilty. The sooner you break up with her, the sooner you can start feeling better. Trust me. I've been through something similar and I felt the same way you do, but it won't help to try and maintain a relationship where you're constantly unhappy about her relationship with another guy.

I wish you the best, man. If ya ever feel like you need someone to talk to, just shoot me a PM. I may not know you, but that doesn't mean I can't listen to your troubles. I know that everyone needs someone to talk to, but they may not have anyone to go to and that can be tough.

I agree that you should talk to the guy she has been seeing. Maybe he doesn't know about how it is affecting you or your gf is trying to hide her relationship with you (hence why she deleted IG pictures of you and her). He may not know what he is doing to your relationship. This could also give you an inside view of if your girlfriend may have feelings for this other guy or not. And if she does which it definitely seems like, then you're going to have to break up with her either way, or just accept the fact that she wants to break up with you.

Opt. 2: I feel like a reason girls do this is because she is bored of your relationship.
This may not mean that she just wants someone else, instead try doing something "different". 3 years is awhile of just dating so her being bored may just be the reason.
Do something fun or exciting to really push your affection towards her. (Valentines day is coming up (((: )
dont like propose or anything, just something nice to show that you still care a lot.
If she pushes this off then that is a sign to move on. you dont want a one way relationship, that will only make it harder on yourself. In the long run it would be healthier for you to be the one to let her go versus you being pushed off by her again and again
good luck ^~^

[quote=Piana]You're too obsessive, not jealous.
She is a human, not your "thing".
Learn to respect human, and learn to respect yourself as a human.[/quote]

This should also apply vice versa. She's doing the same thing, playing with someone else while keeping him on her utility belt, if she's cheating.

To an extent, you are somewhat of a jealous boyfriend. The relationship between her and this guy seems harmless at first. You can dream about people, you can talk to other people, etc. You're right, it doesn't suggest cheating. It's just your bar for stuff like this is pretty low. But then she puts the blame on you, you're limiting her life, her choices. However, there's the problem you established your boundaries. Boundaries that say "I do not feel okay lol when you do specific things that might signify this guy more than just a friend." It's just sentences like.. "I told her I don't want her to see him again, to go anywhere with him or anything of the such" makes the message too harsh. Your reaction was too aggressive.

The problem I keep seeing is lol, she plainly values seeing this guy more than your feelings. Your reaction is so dramatic, intense, and heartfelt so anyone would know this is something that clearly bothers you yet she's still doing it. It's not like she's being pushed by this guy.

Just break it off, but I get it, it's been 3 years, but this is really a rule-breaker. Why? What if this happens again? Another guy pops up? More turmoil, more worry, more of this. It's not the guy that's the problem, it's your girlfriend. If you don't want to break it up now for whatever reason(like she might not be actually cheating.. yet), whatever. However, the final straw is cheating. Any evidence of cheating, you should end it. At least you gave her leniency, some sort of trust until there is evidence she can't be trusted. This may hurt a lot more than just breaking it off now but it's your relationship. This is just a strangers advice lol.

She's not worth the trouble sadly ):
She's probably going to end up cheating on you too. Frequent lying shouldn't be happening in a relationship, unless there's something to cover up.

She has absolutely no respect for you. You should break up with her. At this point, she's already emotionally cheating. The best way to stop and preserve her relationship with you is to completely cut ties with the guy, but she doesnt. She clearly isn't in love with you anymore even if you do really love her.

Is she Asian?

Dump her!

It seems like you didn't trust her at the beginning, it's normal but you should trust each other in your relation. Even though.. When I had read more about your problem, I saw that she didn't show any respect towards you. It clearly bothers you that she hangs out with him, she knows that and yet she still does it. Why do you stay with her? I know you've been together for 3 years but you don't deserve this... Ofcourse she chooses what to do but if it hurts you and if she still does it then she is kind of a bish. She's even lying to you and she's meeting him behind your back? Which boyfriend would be okay with that? It's been 2 months now? Can't you talk to the dude instead of her? Like, explain why it bothers you and tell him to back off a bit. It's your relation and he's kind of ruining it, in my opinion. You need to rek him, show him who the boss is, or else he's going to steal your girl. The fact that she broke up and that she lies to you means a lot man. I think you know what to do but the only thing that's stopping you is that you've been together for 3years and you can't live without her. Honestly, she treats u bad... How can you live with that? Have some dignity. If she were to cheat on you ( not saying she is ). Make sure you dump her and make sure to beat the crap out of that dude. That's what I would do.

Two words for you bro, and you see the signs along with signals, so move on. It'll be the only thing left to do before it's too late and sooner the better. Observing this much yet hoping she's just hanging out is non sense, that lowkey right there is going to wind up like a mess. More or so, he sounds like a home wrecker not knowing his place. When you lack respect and understanding or that it diminishes overtime.. that's a sign to move on download tinder and mingle. I'm joking but all honesty just do you and try to move on. That had me cringe reading it only half way >.<

You're not married to her aka find someone that doesn't do that. If she's seeing someone else that she has interest in she's probably bored of you and in all honesty instead of lying to yourself and going down with the already sunken ship its best to just pick up the pieces, move on, and focus on you.