How to get over a really hard break up?
So me and an ex of mine have finally broken up after 3 years of being together. The pain and attachment is so great that I can't even believe this is reality. The attachment has me still in this mind that we are kind of sort of together and that I think I want to be with her even though I think she is a disgusting pig and hate her for doing what she did. Basically, she cheated on me and had sex with another dude and I'm just like wtf. And get this, now she is with the other guy. It just sucks because I was so in love with her and I could have slept with three different chicks but I didn't and then she went and slept with the first guy to come onto her. We had a LD relationship and went to different colleges so that's how she cheated. What also sucks is I talk to other friends of mine who are also going through a break up and even they all tell me that I got it the worst of everyone. I'm also the kind of person to get really attached to whoever I am with so that attachment of mine was built through a course of 3 years and now I am just expected to not act or think on it. It's horrible. How am I supposed to get over this? Has anyone else gone through this? The pain of being betrayed and it being over so quickly? The pain of knowing that person the are attached to is now with the person who they cheated on you with? The hopeless feeling that you think you will never overcome the experience? Has anyone else been through and successfully gotten out of it? How did you do it?
TLDR: 3 year relationship, hoe of an ex gf cheated, now with new guy, I'm trying to get over but so hard.
18 Comments • Newest first
Reality is what you want to make it.
This Is ALL The Advice YOU Need.
On the other hand. YOU ARE FREEEE! CMON DUDE YOU ARE FREE TO BE YOU! DONT LET SOME SKUNK KILL YOUR LIFE.
Go make your life! because at the end of the day, she is getting it with him and you are here crying! Go change that. Prove that you can be happy without her!
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.
She's young and not your wife and clearly you guys weren't meant to be.
[quote=natalie]they say that time heals all, but what's important are the things you choose to do with that time. if you use it to dwell on the past, to think about her, to think about all the things she did that you hated, then you're basically wasting it and preventing yourself from moving on sooner. if you have a job work more shifts/get a second job, go watch a movie with some friends, stay over at a friend's house, go on a trip, and spoil yourself with girls, girls and more girls. don't be afraid to do anything because you're single now. what usually happens is that after a few years of being with somebody even though the relationship's gone dull and you get hurt way too much you feel the need to stay in it because you can't imagine what life would be like without the other person. and most likely you think that she's the best you can have even though she's really not. i can promise you that the next girl you find yourself drawn to will be much better than her and you will be relieved that you didn't try to continue pursuing somebody who took your love for granted. i was once in your position and i'm so glad that i'm no longer as miserable as i was before, thanks to a new special person in my life. know the you deserve better too[/quote]
That's cute!
I think part of it will be making yourself really know that you won't be getting back together. It should help the attachment you feel. If she really meant as much to you as you think she did, you won't be 'healed' for a long time, I know I'm still not. It's mostly a game of time, you've got to wait it out.
they say that time heals all, but what's important are the things you choose to do with that time. if you use it to dwell on the past, to think about her, to think about all the things she did that you hated, then you're basically wasting it and preventing yourself from moving on sooner. if you have a job work more shifts/get a second job, go watch a movie with some friends, stay over at a friend's house, go on a trip, and spoil yourself with girls, girls and more girls. don't be afraid to do anything because you're single now. what usually happens is that after a few years of being with somebody even though the relationship's gone dull and you get hurt way too much you feel the need to stay in it because you can't imagine what life would be like without the other person. and most likely you think that she's the best you can have even though she's really not. i can promise you that the next girl you find yourself drawn to will be much better than her and you will be relieved that you didn't try to continue pursuing somebody who took your love for granted. i was once in your position and i'm so glad that i'm no longer as miserable as i was before, thanks to a new special person in my life. know the you deserve better too
I don't think there's much that can be done. Just hang out with your friends a lot, and don't let yourself be alone with your thoughts so that you'll start reminiscing.
It takes a lot of time to get over it, but you'll get there. Just be more socially active, or keep yourself busy with tons of work/reading. Look at the brighter side, you'll find the right person some day.
Also help if you burn all the bridges connected to her.
[quote=WontPostMuch]Yeah dude, first and foremost, please don't ever put yourself through a LD relationship before. I have only heard one story of it working out, the rest are the same as yours. It's a lot to ask of a human being and it's best avoidable most of the time.
That being said, what works best varies from person to person. I'm pretty much in a similar situation as you. I just spent the weekend getting trashed with friends and not giving a crap about my behavior, contacting as many girls as I had on my phone and trying to hang out with them in a short moment's notice, etc. It won't make the pain stop but it will certainly distract you from it. And you just repeat that cycle until you grow tired of it and are ready to settle down. Sounds crappy? Sorry man, that's how break-ups are for a lot of guys. Just drink and have sex as much as you can.
Of course, if you're not the drinking and casual hook-ups kind of guy and you absolutely refuse to engage in that sort of stuff, you can always try just walking by yourself and clearing your mind by finding the beauty of places around you but it's equally painful and lonely. I know you want someone stable once more to talk to, but you're absolutely not ready yet. You need to pass through the healing process, so even if it sucks, consider just fooling around with the dumb dtf girls (srs)
Cheers man.[/quote]
Ah I feel it. I have been going out, getting faded, doing some dirty behavior, etc. I just wish I could get over this pain and attachment so fast like she did. It doesn't even make sense as to how she left so fast anyway.
Yeah dude, first and foremost, please don't ever put yourself through a LD relationship before. I have only heard one story of it working out, the rest are the same as yours. It's a lot to ask of a human being and it's best avoidable most of the time.
That being said, what works best varies from person to person. I'm pretty much in a similar situation as you. I just spent the weekend getting trashed with friends and not giving a crap about my behavior, contacting as many girls as I had on my phone and trying to hang out with them in a short moment's notice, etc. It won't make the pain stop but it will certainly distract you from it. And you just repeat that cycle until you grow tired of it and are ready to settle down. Sounds crappy? Sorry man, that's how break-ups are for a lot of guys. Just drink and have sex as much as you can.
Of course, if you're not the drinking and casual hook-ups kind of guy and you absolutely refuse to engage in that sort of stuff, you can always try just walking by yourself and clearing your mind by finding the beauty of places around you but it's equally painful and lonely. I know you want someone stable once more to talk to, but you're absolutely not ready yet. You need to pass through the healing process, so even if it sucks, consider just fooling around with the dumb dtf girls (srs)
Cheers man.
I have done a lot of crying, and I never cry, but I have cried long and hard cries at least 5 times in the past month just because of this.
http://yipit.com/business/hooters/
I loved her a lot and I put as much into it as I could to maintain it. I would skype/oovoo her every night to talk to her, text her " I love you" all the time, drive out to see her despite us living 50 miles apart from each other, all that
Once you find somebody better, you'll forget about the other person.
To be fair, you have to understand that a long distance relationship can only go so far as to being intimate and meaningful in a sense (With no physical contact could easily discourage someone). I know that cheating is cheating, but in this context, she sorta kinda maybe had a reason? Now, I'm going to sympathize with you because I myself know there is nothing worse than being betrayed by your closest, but these things do happen, and there is nothing left to do but let time heal your wounds (OMG, this sounds soo cliche like the romance movies). That's all I got for you.
Been there done that smoke a joint go to Moes get in a bar fight you'll feel 100 times better
All depends on how much you liked the person and how much feeling and effort you put into maintaining the relationship
I wish I could find someone new but school doesn't start for another month and my emotions are tired of just being here with nothing. I mean, I have homegirls that are dtf but I want someone who I could be with for a long period of time.
There's only one answer...go to "Moe's"
Find someone new