Simple Steps to Get Girls
Sup Basil, have some free time on my hands so I'll do a thread giving pointers to fellow Basilers on how to talk to girls. The stuff in this thread will be simple, basic stuff--but sometimes it's the hardest since there's a lot of really bad information out there and if you're inexperienced, what your gut tells you could be really wrong. I hope this helps some of you guys out!
[header]The Most Important Thing[/header]
A lot of people will tell you that the most important thing is to work out, get better clothes or improve your personality, but the truth is, none of those things matter at all if you don't follow the first step. [b]You must learn to like yourself[/b]. How can you expect to make a good impression on anyone, hope to get anyone to like you or even have a positive interaction with anyone if you hate yourself? It doesn't matter if you're a nerdy person that really likes anime or you're really out of shape. The most important thing you have to learn in life is that you should feel comfortable in your own skin.
See, it isn't your interest in whatever weird hobby you have or your appearance that's keeping you from having success with women. In all but the most extreme cases, the main culprit is low self-esteem. That's also the problem with stuff like the "Pick-Up" community or silly places like r/seduction. They all create this idea that you aren't behaving properly or you must change yourself drastically if you ever hope to get a relationship. It exploits people's lack of confidence and love for themselves and that's why those "communities" are full of misogyny; their own self-hatred is projected against women and unfortunately, sometimes their voice is heard the loudest when it comes to love advice.
What I wish to impress on you here is that there's nothing wrong with you. Sure, you may want to start exercising or update your wardrobe, but realize that you aren't a loser. View it more as something you're doing to improve yourself and to do what you want than to do it for anyone else. There's nothing cool about desperately hitting the gym in the hope of "shedding" the loser inside of you, but there is a lot to be said about feeling confident in yourself and thinking that you'd look even better if you had the body you always knew you could have. It's a slight but ever so important distinction in perspective that is the biggest difference.
Oh and don't give me any of this "but I'm really judgmental and cynical deep down!" You're not fooling anyone. People that are judgmental or awful towards others do it out of insecurity. If you seriously perceive yourself in such a negative light, it's not because that's who you are, it's because you're so insecure about yourself, you can't help but spread the negativity to everyone else. It's not cool and no, being judgmental and cynical are [b]bad[/b] qualities to have.
[header]Be Realistic About the Girls You Talk To[/header]
A mistake a lot of inexperienced guys make is that they go for girls that they just find attractive. It's quite understandable too; you have no experience and no real way to pick-up on the fact that there's little interest or common ground. What I'm saying here is [b]not[/b] to lower your standards, but to pursue a girl that fits who [i]you[/i] are and not a girl that you feel pressured to get.
If you're a bit of a weirdo who is on the more introverted side, don't feel bad if you can't pick-up women on the dance floor. There's nothing wrong with you because of that. It just means that's not where you're comfortable in that environment and guess what? Neither would any girl that you would like either! You're like a freshwater fish in a salt-water tank! All you need to do is have a serious talk with yourself and think about what qualities you're really looking for in a girl. Trust me, no matter the scenario, you will be 100% happier hanging out with women that are compatible with you than having tons of sex with beautiful women that you can't connect to on any level.
Notice too how both steps so far don't require you to work on anything but yourself and how you go about your life. You could be a fat Star Wars nerd but still have a successful love life if you keep in mind that hey, it may be really tough to date a supermodel but not that Star Wars geeky girl hanging around your local comic book shop. I exaggerate to illustrate the point: your appearance won't matter nearly as much as being honest with yourself and liking who you are.
[header]Lastly, Learn To Take a Chance[/header]
If you've followed the two steps above, this third one will come naturally. If you like yourself, are happy with who you are and you're not trying to change yourself for anyone, then you're almost ready to join the dating pool. All that you need now is to learn to take a risk. This doesn't have to mean talking to any girl you see or find attractive, going out just for the sake of trying to find a woman or anything like that. It just means that if you feel like there's a good chance to make something happen, you go for it.
I made "go for it" intentionally vague. Don't worry about even getting a number or suggesting a date your first few tries. Even so much as starting a conversation and seeing where it takes you will suffice. I wish I could be more in-depth here but it's hard to describe. One day you may be seated down at a Starbucks when some cute girl that seems to be your type sits down next to you. Rather than second-guess yourself, try making a conversation with her if it feels right (just make sure you don't keep talking yourself out of things because they didn't seem quite right) and don't be hard on yourself if you weren't in the mood to go for it. Not everyone is hyper-social, but so long as you take a chance here or there (even if it's just saying "hi" you're on the right track.
What it comes down to is that once you like yourself and start doing things you like, you'll find that you'll run into plenty of women. Take a chance here or there and next thing you know, you'll be having your first date in no time. Yes, it can be that easy. Sometimes things "just happen" and they usually do when you least expect them. There's no plan, just do what you like, stay active and risk it here or there. Remember, it doesn't have to be bold.
[header]Afterword[/header]
Don't shy away from trying to improve your fashion or working out, those are all great supplements and can help you like yourself even more. But what truly matters is that you stop viewing yourself as a loser or that there's something wrong with you. Start learning to live with yourself and you'll begin to attract people. If there's one thing I can safely say all girls like, it's being with a guy that knows and likes who he is.
Hope this helps you guys.
26 Comments • Newest first
[quote=BoredAF]@crazybass: LOL where the hell does it say in the thread for girls to fall in love with you? I must of missed that part. Besides, when a woman falls in love with a man it's with time spent together, experiences shared. Hard times, good times, sad and the like. That`s the only way to fall in love, not by providing crap for them.
@metalfacedoom and where did you read that I said that? This is no debate, I wouldn't take confidence advice from someone who is too shy to post a pic of them self up on basil.[/quote]
I agree, and that is exactly what I was talking about, but in a different way. You need to make them feel like they are getting something out of the relationship, whether it be experiences shared, hard times, good times, sad and blah blah at least we can agree on this. Also read the title of this thread. That should answer your first question.
@MetalFaceDooM Thanks, that's true not every guy is looking for the one. But nonetheless, I think I know what you mean when you say not every guy wants the one. I think it is still basic principle to need to provide that girl with something other guys can't give her. Whether it is for a one night stand, or simply testing the field, the girl won't touch you if you are like every other guy. Atleast That's my belief.
[quote=BoredAF]"The real secret to getting a girl is to master..." I hate that stupid mindset young males are having in this day and age. Forget trying to provide or do something to stand out to impress a woman. A woman is just an annoying human being, it is them who should pursue a male and do what she can to stand out to attract us. It is, what can she provide to me that makes her stand out from all the other chicks who are just like her...in as much as she will say, I'm not like every other girl, I'm different. Oh yeah, prove it.[/quote]
But that's not the question here is it? It's about how to get the girl to fall in love with you. Also, Girls are in the same boat as guys, girls will fall into that love trap that most so called "beta nice guys" fall into.There are many girls who only want to impress the guy, and will fight hard for him, but clearly you have no experience with this subject, because if you did you wouldn't make such ignorant posts such as this. TBH your mindset is more intuned with the youngman mentality that you so hate and which I spoke about in that post. You believe that a girl needs to impress you, but you don't do anything to make yourself worth fighting for. I'm sure your arrogance will bring you far loser.
Thanks to this guide now I have 8 wives, 3 girlfriends and 5 mistresses. Highly recommended. But don't take my word for it...
Meh, pretty much. It took me a while but I eventually realized that I value my opinion and likes or interests way above my peers. shocker. After that I started doing things I liked and the taking risk things just came on its own.
Those are really good advice you have but you are missing one thing. The second point is a good attitudes to have when trying to find a mate, but it doesn't actually get you that lovely ball of fun that is a girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter. The third point will only work to your favor if you can accomplish the very thing that I will tell you very soon. I will tell you the real secret to getting the person of your dreams to fall in love with you. The real secret to getting a girl is to master the secret art of being able to provide her something that other guys can't.
OP, I know you don't mean to do this but the way you make it seem, is getting a girl to love you is for YOU only. You gave great advice for self improvement and confidence boosting, but you are forgetting one thing which is VERY important. That the girl needs to get something out of the relationship as well. What I mean is that there are things you need to do, which you will sometimes hate, but are completely necessary, and these things must be catered to that ONE girl, because lets face it, every girl is different. What I mean is that if you really want to get a girl to fall in love with you you must learn how to create a deep connection with her, learn how to make her do things she wouldn't otherwise do with other people, learn how to make her laugh like no other guy can, learn how to make her feel like the most special person when you share with her your secrets and most importantly learn how to make her cherish every gift you give her, even if it was a leaf on the ground (and give her many leafs from the ground). Of course it is much more difficult than simply that and I can easily give you a long list of advice about what I would do in that situation but let's face it, Aint nobody got time for that.
It also doesn't mean you need to do things only to please her. It means you need to do things which makes her want to please you. Believe me when I say this, for some reason the difference between pleasing a girl and getting her to want to please you is a very difficult concept for most guys to understand. I've seen many guys who only know how to please the girl, but don't know how to make her want to please him, and that isn't because I spend a lot of time on Basilmarket (Yes I read all your posts but don't post in every darn thread I read). These guys think they are entitled to a girls affection, and end up hating girls because they work so darn hard to get her to develop feelings for them but in the end aren't rewarded for their hard work. For some reason, the whole idea of getting a girl to want to please you ends up making someone think you need to be an ahole. You don't have to be an ahole to make a girl want to please you. There are many things great quality boyfriends do that end up making a girl go crazy for them. But I won't teach you that, you need to learn it on your own.
To learn those things means you need to first learn to understand yourself. For that, your advice is great, and it makes it a good place to begin. But don't forget, Make her want that D. (JK)
EDIT: ALso Don't Constantly Be Thinking About A Sceme Which Will Make Her Want To Please You. It will come naturally from all those terrible things she unconsciously made you do to make her love you. I don't know how to explain this better, but a relationship is something which just happens. Blah Why do I care if any of you people get gf anyways. Just learn to be someone others will want to respect and girls will be flocking to you.
If you're shy, you'll need a wingman. I was a wingman once.
I'm effin cupid.
3d girls lol
[quote=WontPostMuch]It's not a thing that happens overnight nor is it something you can get it down to a formula. The best way I can say that it happens is that you stop judging yourself for being who you are. By that I don't mean "I like lying to my friends about important issues" or any faults you need to work on, but rather, just appreciate the aspects of your personality for what they are and accept that there's no "right" way to live.
That is, it's just in your head that you must be some super social person or that you must like x-thing for people to find you interesting. It's about having a serious talk with yourself and feeling comfortable with whatever it is that interests you and makes you who you are as an individual.[/quote]
aight just ignore me you buttface
[quote=djmaxaaron]Serious question, how would one learn to like oneself if they haven't[/quote]
It's not a thing that happens overnight nor is it something you can get it down to a formula. The best way I can say that it happens is that you stop judging yourself for being who you are. By that I don't mean "I like lying to my friends about important issues" or any faults you need to work on, but rather, just appreciate the aspects of your personality for what they are and accept that there's no "right" way to live.
That is, it's just in your head that you must be some super social person or that you must like x-thing for people to find you interesting. It's about having a serious talk with yourself and feeling comfortable with whatever it is that interests you and makes you who you are as an individual.
@WontPostMuch: That's really not what it's about. 99% of FRs are useless. I've improved in all facets of life through r/seduction and other pickup communities.
One video that really gets into what you were talking about PERFECTLY. You should post it in the OP http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlfKNqoL8JY
[quote=Blackest]r/seduction has plenty of great info on there if you sift through it.
If you've ever been on r/seduction, you'd know all of the self-improvement is not JUST to get girls. It is to genuinely improve the quality of your life. If you are happier, then girls would want to be a part of your happy life. Your happiness is the most important thing there.
This is good advice, but there's so much more to learn than just "be happy with yourself". Pickup is not something to look down on, you can learn AMAZING stuff for all aspects of your life. its sebastian btw @wontpostmuch[/quote]
The problem I have with places like r/seduction is that it reduces life to just trying to get laid and have tons of casual sex. It's not so much improving yourself or finding what sort of love life is what you want, but more about trying to get behind this really weird perspective that everything you do should revolve around impressing women in the hopes of having sex with them.
It's not a healthy mentality or approach to self-improvement imo. Plus, a lot of those "field reports" are so awfully misogynistic and full of "I left my house to try my game!" nonsense that I can't take their advice seriously at all. If you truly want to improve your QoL, the goal would be to be honest with yourself about where you are in life and what you like, not assume that you must try to get laid every time you head out the door.
dear basilers, sex is not the end game! It will come many times, the end game is you being happy.
@djmaxaaron: Look at yourself. Focus on your positive qualities which can really be anything (nice wardrobe, nice smile, hobbies/talents, etc.). Think about your negative qualities but don't dwell on them; minimize them.
Serious question, how would one learn to like oneself if they haven't
@icemage11 I think I said something similar to him about that yeah. He told me he was very happy tho.
@wontpostmuch I didn't catch that part. I got stuck on the bolded "You must learn to like yourself" lol. Solid thread 10/10 liked
[quote=WontPostMuch]you will be 100% happier hanging out with women that are compatible with you than having tons of sex with beautiful women that you can't connect to on any level.[/quote]
I'm not so sure about this
r/seduction has plenty of great info on there if you sift through it.
If you've ever been on r/seduction, you'd know all of the self-improvement is not JUST to get girls. It is to genuinely improve the quality of your life. If you are happier, then girls would want to be a part of your happy life. Your happiness is the most important thing there.
This is good advice, but there's so much more to learn than just "be happy with yourself". Pickup is not something to look down on, you can learn AMAZING stuff for all aspects of your life. its sebastian btw @wontpostmuch
[quote=xoqtprincessxo]It's very important to understand that liking yourself does not mean running away from your faults. Things like "This is how I am, so what I can I do?" and "I have to love myself no matter what" are pretty dumb.[/quote]
Haha added that bit about not justifying "cynicism" or negative personality qualities for just that reason! There's a damn fine line between being okay with being a quiet bookworm and using that as an excuse to never socialize with anyone and continue wasting your life not doing anything.
[quote=xoqtprincessxo]It's very important to understand that liking yourself does not mean running away from your faults. Things like "This is how I am, so what I can I do?" and "I have to love myself no matter what" are pretty dumb.[/quote]
didn't @metaghost say those dumb things before?
OT: good tips. the problem is getting awkward guys to follow them
None of this works on me
@xoqtprincessxo raised me to be a c*ck blocking machine.
It's very important to understand that liking yourself does not mean running away from your faults. Things like "This is how I am, so what I can I do?" and "I have to love myself no matter what" are pretty dumb.
Other little tidbits for dudes.
Date younger girls, be SURE she thinks you're funny, be a few inches taller than her, and make sure you have some interests and passions and things to talk about.
Straight up, if some schmuck like me can get a girlfriend and get laid, then anyone can do it.
oooooor just find urself a thirsty female and once youre together thats when youll be drowning in the tang that wants you just cause youre in a relationship.
[quote=xtripled]it's a shame that people need to be told this instead of already knowing[/quote]
Yeah, but honestly, it's usually the simplest advice that goes the longest way. Wish I could've learned that earlier, instead of thinking that there was s/t wrong with me throughout all of HS.
Wonderful advice to all those who seek of it.
it's a shame that people need to be told this instead of already knowing
[quote=Plenair]"The Most Important Thing"
"You must learn to like yourself"
[b]NO[/b], it is being beautiful that is the most important. An ugly guy being himself won't get girls, unlike a beautiful guy being himself, [b]it just doesn't happen[/b].[/quote]
And yet, ugly people can still get married. Don't be so naive.